Post # 1
At 22 and 23, I worry that people will scoff that we’re too young, even though we’ve been together for seven years and have been through more together in that time than some people a lot older than us.
I worry that my dad, who still sees me as his little girl even though I have my own flat and have taken care of myself since I was 18, will not be happy about it – not because of my choice of partner but because he’s against the whole institution of marriage and, again, will think I’m too young. For this reason, I’m don’t want my boyfriend to ask him for permission first.
I’m happy and, if this was someone else, I would tell them just to worry about how they feel and to stop caring about what other people think, but this has always been one of my flaws and it keeps niggling at me…
I guess I just need reassurance that it doesn’t matter, that we’re not too young and that I’m worrying over nothing!
As you’ll see from one of my other posts, I worry a lot about how people feel and, in particular, how they feel about me and what I do. I’ve been like this my whole life and I need to work on it…!
Post # 3
If you feel that you are ready for marriage, you are the best judge of your life. I know its hard to ignore what others think and feel, I am absolutely always worried about what others think of me, but you must do this if you think that others will judge you for your decision to marry. 22 is kind of young but knowing that you guys have been together for so long should be reassuring to some people. Good luck
Post # 4
The choice to get married is between you and your Fiance, no one else should ever be a deciding factor in that unless the other person is your child.
Post # 5
Well it sounds to me like you already know in your head what you need to do, you just need to let it sink into your heart. Even if it causes ripples of anger or disappointment, I truly believe that what any parent wants is for their child to be happy.
I understand where you’re coming from with the being too young thing. My SO is 19, and I am almost 19, and we’re planning on getting married next year (waiting until he buys the ring to call him my Fiance :]) We have already gotten some criticism from our friends (mostly mine) that we are too young and won’t get time to enjoy life. My SO’s best friend just got married in July so his friends are more accepting, however, we are a little worried about what his parents will think.
But especially since you have been living on your own, you know it is up to you. Just keep reminding yourself that it’s your life, and your family loves you and they will come around eventually. :]
Post # 6
Personally I do think that 22 is a little young, since I’ve seen many friends who married younger (22-25) and are now divorced/divorcing (about 4 out of 5 couples). So I understand where people may be coming from when they say you might be too young.
But that’s not to say you will be one of those people. You know whether or not you are ready for marriage and the decision is up to you and your Fiance. It’s your life, and you should do what you want!
Post # 7
In some cultures, 22 is WAY OLD to be getting married. So just tell people to be happy you’re not 14.
Honestly, it’s no one’s business. You know who you are and what you want.
Post # 10
You sound like a responsible person with an adult life (flat, job, etc.) If you think you’re ready to get married, I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business. Certainly not something your Fiance needs to get your dad’s permission for.
Regarding the young thing… If I had gotten married at 22 or 23, that would’ve been too young for me. But more than that, the relationships I had in my early and mid twenties were not stable, adult relationships. If I had been a different kind of person, or dated a different kind of person, maybe that would have been different. I did go through a thing in my early/mid twenties where I felt like the next adult thing I had to do was settle down and get married, and I very nearly made a terrible mistake because of it. (But I didn’t. 🙂
Which is not to say that you’re too young. But people in your life, your dad, maybe, or your friends, if they’re more like me, might not realize that you’re mature enough for that decision, that you have that kind of relationship, because they’re only looking at it from their experience.
Post # 11
I’m 23 and have been with my SO for 7 years and understand completely! Some people will think you haven’t “lived” because you have been with him so long blah blah blah! It’s not your fault that you met the love of your life as a teen! I know form experience that my SO and I grew up together and are where we are because of each other being each other’s biggest cheerleader. The truth is my SO is my soul mate and our age doesn’t matter. Some people search a LIFETIME looking for what you have! Don’t care what others think, be blessed for knowing you have someone that completes you!
Post # 12
I do think that is young, but guess what you have been together with your SO longer than me and like you said have probably been through more. So my opinion doesn’t count and actually when I look at the evidence, you should get married when you want because you have been together for so long. I will be getting engaged before dating for a year and I am sure a TON of people will judge. Guess what!? I don’t care because I know what is right for me and I chose my destiny.
I think you SO should TELL your dad out of respect. You don’t need permission to be asked to have you because you aren’t his property, but a sit down saying that he loves you so much and wants to spend his life with you and why the hell not start it early so he will be proposing in a week. Just don’t ask. His opinion doesn’t matter.
Good luck my dear!
Post # 13
i dont think you should worry about what anyone else thinks ! ! !
i believe age means nothing ( within reason) many people young people who marry young are more likely to divorce. But age doesnt affect if you get divorced or not. I believe that no matter what happens in a relationship if 2 people love eac other enough then they both want to work through it and it makes a couple stronger !
My mum and dad got together at 16, mum was engaged at 19 married at 20 and had her first of 5 children at 21. She is now 42 and still with my dad!! many people ask her if me (the eldest) is her husbands daughter just because many people think its the norm to have kids with different dads. My mum is very proud of her self when she tells them that we are all from the same dad 🙂
Post # 14
@kes18: +1 totally agree 22 is young, but not too young to get married. That being said, that fact that you are so worried about your family tells me that maybe you still see yourself as a little girl, or have some growing to do yet.
Post # 15
I’ve been dealing with my family being a bit negative about everything because I’m young, but I explained everything and now they’re trying to be supportive. It’s hard for families to let go and realize you’re an adult. I think it’s much easier for my fiancé’s family because he’s 30 and so they’ve already had to let go and they’ve gone through that process and they know he’s an adult and will make his own decisions and so they can just be supportive with less of the “I’m really worried about your decisions” attitude. They’ve done that before and realized it didn’t help.
When people ask me why we’re getting married so soon from now on, I’ve decided to reply “I really wanted a new driver’s license photo” or “we want a really big tax refund” or something stupid like that because it’s no one’s business but our own why we’re getting married.