(Closed) Why do I feel so difficult to spend any money?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
1378 posts
Bumble bee

I can relate a bit. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to save money. My advice is look to see where you can save money by DIY. I found a beautiful card box on etsy for $125. I ended up making my own, very similar and even nicer, for less than $15.

Also, coupons at McDonald’s only makes sense! Where I live a Big Mac is over $6. If I can get fries and a drink with it for $5, i’d be stupid not to use a coupon!

If it’s any consolation I don’t regret spending the money on our wedding. And my fiance who is even more frugal than me, also has no regrets. Just save where you can and you’ll find you’ll get some satisfaction out of those bargains!

Post # 3
345 posts
Helper bee

You’re not cheap, you’re smart with money. I am RIGHT there with you. I got to a point in my life that i don’t want to “waste” money. Its about priorities. It doesn’t mean you don’t have money or that there’s not enough money, its just you would rather save it or spend it on something else. Everyone has what they are willing to spend on. You can have millions and still think an expensive car is a waste or still think vacations are a waste.

We all have what we personally put value on. The only small problem is that you actually want a wedding, so you have to decide for sure what you want, because you cant have it both ways. For me personally I don’t want to spend a lot of money so we will do something SUPER small. Do something small and not wasteful and set a budget and stick to it.

Post # 4
3259 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Maybe it’s just not your belief that it’s worth spending money on? A lot of people prioritize their wedding and are willing to spend a ton. I was one of those people that like, “Wait, I hate parties. Why would I spend thousands of dollars on one?” So I didn’t. I spent $1000. Because I didn’t care about my wedding. (And then I have ironically spent years on Weddingbee 😂)

Are you sure this isn’t stemming from you feeling like you don’t deserve to have money spent on you? That would be an entirely different issue. Do you feel like you dont deserve a full priced Big Mac, or do you just prefer to use a coupon?

It sounds like you need to find a compromise between what you want, and what you’re willing to spend. Just because you theoretically have the money for a fancy $50k wedding doesn’t mean you have to spent more than  $500.

Post # 5
9116 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
oneinamillion :  you aren’t cheap. Spending thousands of dollars on a dress you’ll wear once and a party is frivilous. I did it. I don’t regret it. And I loved my wedding – but it was 100% a frivilous, luxury expense. And just like any other frivilous expense if you aren’t excited to spend money on it then don’t! 

Post # 7
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

This is a problem if it is taking over your life and you don’t want to ever spend money on anything that isn’t essential.  Which is your prerogative but if it is at the expense of any enjoyment then you might want to work on the emotions attached to this.  

In terms of the wedding, do you even want a wedding, perhaps that’s why you find it hard to think of any of it as ‘worth it’?

Post # 9
419 posts
Helper bee

I can totally relate. I’ve been hapily planning, but now that it’s time to put down deposits it’s hard! Like, am I really spending $3,000 on decor that I will only see for one day?? Although Fiance and I both have student loan debt, which makes spending this $$$ go against my financially careful instinct. But I have saved enough for the wedding and I think this feeling will go away once I start paying vendors off.

Post # 10
231 posts
Helper bee

I mean, I use coupons at fast food places. My apartment has a trash bin just for people’s mail that they don’t want and I have 100% picked through that bin to get coupons #noshame. One was a $10 shopping pass for Black Friday that I used to get some sweet kitchenware. Some people find it funny, but if anyone actually looked down on me for it, I’d find it amusing because I’m horrified at how much money people spend on stuff society tells them they need. I’m completely comfortable being the frugal person, and if that’s really you, my advice would be to own it. It’s your money so you call the shots.

However, it sounds like you may be obsessing. I can see not wanting to spend $1,000 on a dress but if the thought of spending $100 makes you nervous, that may be a problem. Obsessing over every dollar to the point where you don’t want to spend anything indicates an unhealthy relationship with money. It also sounds like you may have some self-image issues if you tell yourself that nice things are for other people and not you. It sounds like there’s more going on that just $$$.

Post # 11
8517 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I seem to recall you have a really large (and I’m guessing expensive) ring, so it sounds like you’re okay with money being spent when it comes to certain things and not okay with it when it comes to others. That’s totally fine, everyone has their own preferences about how they spend—even billionaire trillionaires.

I would just sit down with your Fiance and come up with a wedding budget that both of you are comfortable with. Then, work with that budget, by DIYing as a PP mentioned or by finding deals on less important touches.

Post # 12
547 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
oneinamillion :  Perhaps, rather than breaking it down as a cost “per item”, make a decision about how much you are willing to spend to have a wedding.  Since you say you do want to have a wedding, it has some value to you. 

Once you have decided on a sum that you are willing to spend on the wedding, break down your budget by aspects of the wedding, or use one of the planning apps.

I think it might help to address the total cost, and have an assigned amount to stick to for each aspect, than looking at the costs individually.  You might even enjoy finding deals compared to your “assigned” budget for items.

Post # 14
8517 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
oneinamillion :  But it’s all from the same pot—you guys are a unit and are (presumably) going to be a unit forever. It sounds like you guys really need to get on the same page about finances (not just for the wedding, but in general). Fundamental differences about how to spend money doesn’t bode well.

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