(Closed) Why do I feel this way?!?! I don’t own the wedding world!!! :-)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

It’s understandable.  I would feel the same way. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 4
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@ruralbumpkin: I think we’ve all had the “completely irrational” post once or twice (or 10). But that does suck. I can totally see where you’re coming from. On the plus side, if you decide to keep the same venue you can see what she did and if there was anything you were thinking of, but looks funny you have time to figure something else out…

Post # 5
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would definitely feel the same way too. I don’t blame you at all. Did she know you had been planning on it for your wedding??

Post # 8
Member
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I know several people who have picked the same venue as a friend who had gotten married there previously. Assuming you live in the same area, there are limits to the venues you have to choose from. I’m sure your friend had legitimate reasons for switching her venue, and (I think you know this already) she has every right to pick whatever venue best suits her and her Fiance. Just because you want to get married there does not preclude anyone else in your circle of friends from getting married there either. I understand your disappointment, but honestly, nobody will really notice but you. Unless you have the same colors, flowers, dress, theme, meal, etc. it really does not matter because your weddings will be completely your own. Have your meltdown here and with your Fiance, and then suck it up and move on. I’m sure you have much important things to deal with, in the scheme of things.

Post # 9
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think your feelings are totally rational because this is your day and its supposed to be special…her sharing your venue makes it feel a little less special I’m sure.

Although its going to be a hard feeling to shake I think once the day comes you’ll feel great and regardless of similar venue I bet your days will have a different feel.  And like the others said…you’re after her so you can fix anything that stands out.

Plus, Its a total sign of flattery that she chose your venue! It means it rocks!

How much time is between the two weddings?

Post # 10
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Are you thinking of choosing a new venue – one of your posts led me to think that? Anyways, I agree that it IS a little rational. You saw it as “yours” as in…YOUR wedding will be there. I always think it’s a little rude when people do that knowingly – if it’s a coincidence? Sure. But a close friend? Eh. I wouldn’t take it all that well either.

Of course we ALL know we don’t own the wedding world – venues, dresses, dates, engagements, ya da ya da….but it’s like someone getting the exact same present as you. Lol. So don’t feel like you’re the only one. I’m glad you realize the logical stuff (we all know it’s not “ours”) but it does kind of hurt that people would want to take the “specialness” away, even unintentionally. Good luck with your venue, whether you keep the same or find a new, equally awesome one. ๐Ÿ™‚ Logic doesn’t always rule our thoughts, that’s for sure.

Post # 11
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry, but that was unacceptable of your “friend”. If she knew you had picked it as your venue, then no, thats not ok. What an incrediably self centred girl.

Post # 13
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Remember that your guest lists aren’t identical: she’s your friend, not your sister. All of the family and non-mutual friends won’t have been there for her wedding. There are probably only a few people who overlap.

Post # 15
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with what others have said about you have different guests, different Bride & Groom, different colors, theme etc. so just make it as beautiful as possible and don’t worry about having the same venue. Esp. since you have limited venues in your area. That being said, I COMPLETELY understand and it would definitely bother me since she already had a venue picked and switched to your same venue. We just got married 1 month ago today and honestly some of the things that I was worried about and that I obsessed over leading to the wedding day weren’t even a thought in my head. Just enjoy every moment, be happy and everyone around you will be too.

Post # 16
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Don’t get me wrong- I would be a little bummed if I found out that someone did that knowingly too, especially with her wedding being first….

However, I think that you also should consider the other elements of your wedding and really weigh in on how similar they would actually be. 

1. Is your guest list REALLY going to overlap? Probably not, except for your group of mutual friends…

2. Are your wedding details going to be the same at all? If it’s a place that requires you use their rentals for decor, then possibly, but if you’re both planning really different decor then it shouldn’t be a big deal. 

3. Is there something about the space itself that really stands out or makes it more memorable?

The reason I ask this one is b/c you haven’t said where your reception is. I’ll give mine as an example: We are having our reception at a local arts center in their smaller ballroom. While it has some interesting charm to it, at the end of the day it’s still a realatively blank slate in terms of decor- it’s mostly white and doesn’t have any features that REALLY stand out. Different people could EASILY have completely different weddings there. 

However, if you have a space that is really unique and memorable, (Prime examples: Miss Sparkler’s venue or Mrs Barrette’s venue, then I could possibly see the issue. 

 

I suppose what I’m getting at is that you have to consider that you could still have 2 very different weddings in the same space. Additionally, you also have a unique advantage to going second- you have time to plan ways to make your wedding even more unique and impressive ๐Ÿ™‚ 

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