Post # 1
I feel like my insecurities are constantly making me to think…your fiance doesn’t love you, you love him a lot more than he loves you, he could definitely live without you…he has lost interest in you..
By the way I come from a very abusive family with a history of eating disorders and perfectionism..
I have struggled with the above feelings every now and then in my relationship but now with less than two months to go till the wedding i feel like im getting cold feet…either that or im just afraid he isnt the right guy for me..
To be honest he hasn’t really changed that much lately and i think im trying to create a problem here out of nothing…but the only thing is it cant be nothing cuz im obviously unhappy about something. And I feel bad whenever he does something sweet for thinking this way and the feeling goes away again…..for a while.
I’m scared to lose him in the future and I want to be the love of his life….but he doesnt express the way I do and while I understand we all express differently, I wish he’d listen to my needs and wants a bit more so that he understands me. I feel like I need a lot of reassurance from him whereas he doesn’t seem to mind at all. I’m a very passionate lover and give him a lot of reassurance, and I put his needs above mine at all times. 4 years into the relationship and im still doing the little things i used to do for him back in the days- the little notes everywhere, frequent massages, cooking, surprise and delight….you know it all. I do those because I love those things and while he does too, I don’t think he values them as much as I do….well at least he doesn’t show it…
I find myself feeling quite depressed lately….I want him to tell me verbally (I need verbal affirmations) how much he loves me and why he needs me… Does anyone go through the same thing? When I try to talk about these sorts of things he DOES NOT like it…he hates discussing anything unpleasant especially relationship related…..and gives me the OH GOD NOT THIS AGAIN look so we never get anywhere…so no wonder I feel the urge to discuss it again, u know??
How can i solve this issue without it getting worse…?
-lonely and paranoid bride to be
Post # 3
i suggest reading the five languages of love because i found that my husband and i talk differently when it comes to expressing and giving love and support – once i understood this i stopped wishing he would do ABC to show that he loves me because he expresses himself differently. i find him super clingy when he wants to show me love and attention, i would prefer he “do” something like a gift or we spend time together but hes the opposite
we both had fun reading the book and doing the small exercises together – laughter is important to us so it was another way to communicate
Post # 4
Ok first of all calm down 🙂
I know what your talking about but you need to understand that not everyone expresses their love in the same way, he may love you 10x more than you love him but it’s just not his style to express it the way you want, you need to accept him the way he is, and he’s the kind of person who doesn’t say I love you every hour.
Try to talk to him not a casual hey I want to tell you this and that, find a proper time when none of you have anything else to do and sit with him, look him in the eye and tell him you have a very important thing to discuss and you can get married with him without you too speaking about this. Make him understand this is important, tell him your concerns and how you feel.
I went through something similar, suddenly feeling unloved and unapreciated, turned out it was depression related and when I look back I realize I was the one making things wring while he only tried to make it better. Consider that maybe your feelings are getting in the way of you seeing his good actions.
Post # 5
I second the 5 Languages of Love. It definitely sounds as though you two express love differently. If you can understand each other’s needs you’ll be able to communicate love to each other more effectively.
Post # 6
Yes to 5 languages of love.
It’s an eye opener to how someone shows their love and while your Fiance might show it one way (perhaps spending time with you) you might show it another way (like doing nice things for him) and thus you expect or want that because that’s your language.
Sometimes I feel like I need reassurance as well – I think a little of that is normal because females are generally more emotion driven and we suffer from more “mood swings”. It’s just how our brain is wired.
Sit him down and just tell him that it’s not that you WANT to be this way but sometimes you might be and that tell him to be patient while you try to always logically sort our why you might feel insecure.
Post # 7
I agree with the 5 love languages book recommendation. It is amazing!