- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Okay, I admit it. I am too old to be feeling this pissy over material things but I really ned to blow off some steam. My fiance is in the US and I am in Canada. When we first met I made it really clear that I didn’t mind moving as long as I didn’t have to give up my stuff. I was assured that I wouldn’t have to. I own a dining room set that was made in New England and features double curved glass ends on the hutch. My parents bought it years ago and about a decade ago when they were downsizing my mom offered it to me on the condition that I would keep it. I agreed. It is like an heirloom even though it is not old enough to strictly qualify. My FIs house is too small to fit my set in with his stuff. Originally we had said we would get a storage space until we could move into a house that was able to accommodate both our household goods. I have tossed out, given away and gutted and still haven’t done a whit of damage to my three storey home which is filled to the brim ‘cuz I am a pack rat. I could happily toss just about everything except my baking ( I am a pastry chef) my hobby stuff and personal effects – but tonight we had to end our call (lovingly accepting that we were both tired and being mature we could see a fight coming) because I was doing the math on keeping my stuff.
The housing market crashed after we were engaged and so now it is unlikely that we will be able to sell his 2 bedroom house for another 3-5 years without losing a fortune. At $200 per month for storage that is nominally $7200 in a best case scenario. Way too much money. So I asked, gently if I could use the ground floor (it’s a walk-out basement style so the ground floor is like the basement but it is finished) and if he would mind moving his desk upstairs to the empty spare room.
He came unglued. First, there was dead silence. Then there were statements like “it will look like a war council room” or “people will think some looney gamer has set up a dungeons and dragons den down there.” and “it will look horrible” “it doesn’t match with the rest of the house”.
Before I cut loose myself I pointed out that it had been a long day for both of us and that maybe some sleep would help put things in perspective. To be fair, he calmed down and said that with the money we saved on storage we could buy new stuff for the new house 3-5 years from now and that if his furniture or style didn’t go with what I wanted to do we could sell his furniture and decorate the new house together.
His style is much more contempory than mine. I have antiques and all his furniture is less than 2 years old. So he is right, the two don’t match. But I figured if it was on the ground floor by itself then we could compromise by keeping it and candidly he never entertains so I could not understand why it should matter so much since no one would really see it.
I am so upset now that I can’t sleep. I know I am being sensitive but I am leaving my home, my FAMILY, my friends, my job, my church, my COUNTRY and now VERYTHING I OWN since he was quick to applaud the two 2 suitcases idea when I sarcastically suggested it (he was too tired to pick up on the sarcasm) ALL to be with this person. I know he has made sacrifice too – paying for the legal fees and half the wedding but this feels like the straw that is breaking the camel’s back.
I feel horrible. I have no clue how to get to the other side of this.