(Closed) Why do many women care what people think? – Mini Rant

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

nycsa:  Because from the moment we’re born, our self worth is dependent on the approval of others.  That’s why the more someone uses facebook, the more body issues and unhappiness they will likely have.  They are comparing themselves to others.  It takes a strong person to “not care” what others think.

It’s an unfortunate reality but it is reality nonetheless.  

Post # 3
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

A lot of people want to be accepted and to feel that what they’re doing is okay, satisfactory and right. I think it comes from humans being social creatures. Many people want to receive a form of social validation and they feel alienated, isolated and depressed when they do not receive it or get criticized for their decisions. That’s how social norms, cues, etiquette and traditions become common. People don’t want to go against the grain or be different from their friends and family or keep up with the Joneses because they might be reviled or talked about or derided if they don’t. Because people want to be like other people (and they want other people to like and accept them) and they don’t want to be made to feel like they’re strange or weird. Granted, some people also thrive on being different and perceived as strange or weird but that’s not the norm. I think most people get to a point in life where they eventually no longer care what the average joe feels about their decisions and actions but it takes time and often work to get there.

This is especially common with weddings because weddings are so public and communal (and they used to be even more communal) and they are public representations of a very important, intimate part of someone’s life (their romantic relationship and choices up to this point) so people don’t want their weddings to be judged poorly or to be found lacking as that could affect people’s feelings about their relationship. Hence the trend of people equating engagement ring sizes with the amount of love and affection a man has for his fiance.

Post # 4
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Insecurity and social acceptance.

The sooner you stop giving a shit about other people’s opinion on insignificant/trivial things the much happier you will be. 

But then you also have those rare speshal anowflakes who can’t STFU about themselves and their possessions and who freak the shit out if anyone dares hold the opposite opinion.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  j_jaye.
Post # 5
Member
931 posts
Busy bee

Personally for me I tend to be a little off the mark, and not on purpose. I am known to be quirky but I don’t want to be….I’d like to blend in just a little better. I sometimes base my decisions on what others think because I have difficulty with perspective. I always end up dressing most like the person I shop with or hang out with…I’ve been this way my entire life. Do I want to be like this? Not really…but it is what it is. 

Asking weddingbee’s gives me a general feel on how others will feel about the decisions I make. Also no one on the internet is emotionally attached to me, so I feel like they won’t try not to hurt my feelings on purpose and give me genuine feedback. Honestly sometimes (a lot of times) I can’t get in touch with how I feel Until I gain clarity through others questions and remarks.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  Mrs.Z..
Post # 6
Member
5224 posts
Bee Keeper

nycsa:  I think it is kind of misrepresented on the internet. I think most people IRL aren’t as insecure. It can seem that way on sites like this where everyone is posting different versions of the same thing. Of course comparisons will happen. 

I do think that WB contributes to a lot of ring/dress regret though. It is bound to happen if you keep looking at rings and dresses, even if you aren’t meaning to!

Post # 7
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I dunno. I think some people almost are looking either for a validation or to argue. Thus far, I’ve had two experiences where I ‘offended’ someone for replying to a thread that was older (had no idea that there was etiquette regarding this, but I guess I breached it) and another who asked for specific advice regarding  a name change, and becuase I used to work in that very office and did that for a living for a bit (a while back), I thought I was being helpful, but they were offended too I guess because my experience contradicted what they had hoped to do (shrug) So I throw my hands up in the air. Whatever. I don’t know, I signed up to hopefully make friends, share some laughs, and learn about wedding stuff and take comfort in knowing that I’m not alone as I plan such a big life event. Most people have been very nice and very kind, and others, well, not so and to heck with em. 

Post # 8
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee

nycsa:  this site thrives because women care what other people think. Isn’t that why you posted a question, to hear what other women think?

Post # 9
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you’re looking at one action that actually has multiple causes. 

-Someone could be asking for advice here on the bee because there are about a million options for all things wedding and at some point you have to make a choice. Some women don’t have a super clear “vision” for the day, so asking a forum filled with women into wedding planning is a good place to get “expert” advice. 

-Some people like to conform to traditions, they want to make sure things are done in the “proper” way. Some people are more peer oriented than others, there are even certain careers that tend to attract really peer oriented people (doctors and lawyers, for example), while others attract less peer oriented people (engineer, programmer). They may want to do things traditionally because of how they grew up, personal preference, fear of not fitting in, social status, desire to not draw unwanted attention, positive reinforcement, etc. 

-Desire to please others/not upset anyone. Lots of posts asking “is x,y,z, ok?” are clearly from the motivation of not wanting to hurt feelings or offend people. I didn’t know, for example, if people would be offended or confused if I didn’t do save the dates in addition to invitations. Most people said it was fine not to do them, so I didn’t. If most people had said it was rude, inconsiderate, or offensive, I probably would have just done them to avoid conflict. 

-Skewed sample. You’re in a forum about weddings where most of the posts are people asking for advice. If you were in a finance forum you might say, “why does everyone here do such detailed budget?” or in a fitness forum, “why are people obsessed with body measurments and weight?”

Post # 11
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

Eh some people just care. Acceptance and validation can be important for some.  Some people don’t know how to love themselves and be alone to not care. We are humans so it’s just how some of our brians work. You get your majority of people who care but you also get a good amount of people who just don’t care. Everyone is different and has a different reasoning behind it.

Post # 12
Member
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

For the same reason that people care about what others think in other aspects of life. On here you will obviously get threads caring about the things you listed but I think everyone cares about SOMEthing that others think to a certain extent. I would like to say I don’t care what others think but that would be a lie. Maybe I didn’t care about wedding related things but I care about other things. 

Post # 13
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

Everybody cares what people think. To think that you don’t is naive.

If people truly didn’t care what others thought (even strangers), no one would bother with deodorant, makeup, hair styling, what their clothes looked like, any of that. 

Post # 14
Member
1393 posts
Bumble bee

It’s not so much that I truly, deeply need to know what others think. But when making decisions, I like to get other people’s views, just to help me see all sides. It’s practical. I know in the end that it is up to me and even after listening to everybody, I have to come to the decision under my own terms. 

I can’t stand it when people are like “do what you want, it’s your life” because that is completely useless. Yes we realize that, we are still interested in what your perspective is on the matter.

Post # 15
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

Your rant is about the you have just done. Asking others why? 

Why did you ask for others opinion on this if you don’t care?!

 

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