Why do married women with/without children feel so bad? You have it all!

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 61
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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omglife1985 :  Every human being they care about their own feelings to a certain extent and sometimes it clashes with the ones we love.  It’s a natural response to be upset because it shows you care about them enough to get hurt.  To be indifferent about their actions is indicating you don’t care about them.

As for exterior events – like your friend car.  That’s life.  When things don’t go your way obviously you’ll be upset.  Just because you’re in a great place in your life doesn’t mean everything is in a great place. 

Post # 62
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I understand how you feel, when i was 20 I worried about marriage or finding someone who would want me before I got to old for children. I think I had serious low self worth then because now I see I have many great points and my husband is a lucky man. I have a 18mnth old son and a daughter due in May. I love my babies they never make me feel bad. But life is not perfect for example my mother in law put us in a lot of debt from the start  that caused unimaginable strain and stress on our new marriage unfortunately we are sure that was intentional I don’t think anyone would be happy about that situation married or not. 

I think the problem is that you need to talk to your boyfriend about this want to get married seriously to ensure you both have the same future goals. There definitely is more of a time limit as a woman, if he can’t give what you need in life don’t waste more time.

Post # 63
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

OK, here’s a counter question…

You obviously live somewhere where you have fairly unrestricted use of the Internet, to be able to post here. I’m guessing that you either used your computer at home, a laptop, or your mobile phone to post.

I’m also guessing that you had breakfast today, and yesterday. In fact, I’m willing to bet that you’ve had at least two meals a day for a long time, possibly years. If you were starving, I wouldn’t think that posting on WeddingBee would be something you would even think about.

You probably sleep in a bed ever night, and can use a bathroom everyday. You probably even use gallons of fresh clean water to shower everyday or nearly everyday. It’s probably even warm water!

I bet that you aren’t worried about men with guns randomly kidnapping you outside too! Or about a bomb falling on you next week.

How is it possible that you ever feel anything but extreme happiness every day? You’re safe, all your physical needs are met, and you have great luxuries like hot water anytime you want…

Do you see how ridiculous your question is now?

Post # 64
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

For fucks sake, just because you’re life may be pretty awesome most of the time doesn’t make the sucky times less suckier. Everyone has their issues. 

Post # 65
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Not that there’s much more to add to the discussion, but my husband isn’t allowed to be stressed out because his mom is battling cancer? And his coworker who dropped dead of a heart attack thanks to a toxic work environment was wrong too – it was all good, he was married, and being harassed at work didn’t matter even though he spent more time at work than awake at home.

And I should have been in seventh heaven when my car broke down and required $400 in repairs because I have a kid (yes, if the kid wasn’t with me the car wouldn’t have broken… there was a series of unfortunate events).

Post # 66
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee

Someone else could look at your life, OP, and say, “She has access to clean drinking water. She has a warm bed and a roof over her head. She has enough food to eat. What does she have to be sad about?” What we take for granted and what we yearn for are all matters of perspective. 

The problem with this kind of thinking is that if only people who had it “objectively worst” were allowed to be upset, then we’d have to find the person with the worst life circumstances and compare to them. Like, you couldn’t be upset if your child died, because at least your *whole family* didn’t die. You couldn’t be upset because you lost your leg in an accident, because at least you’re not completely paralyzed. My point is, there will always be somoene who has it better and someone who has it worse than you — that doesn’t make your feelings invalid. 

And of course, as others have pointed out, things like being married and having kids aren’t the sum of someone’s whole life. Many people are in unhappy or abusive marriages or have husbands who cheat on them — do they need to be happy just because they’re married? What about people who have loving spouses and children, but live in warzones and fear for the lives of their families every day? 

Aside from those logical fallacies, you’re also not taking into account that a large factor in happiness has to do with individual brain chemistry, hormone levels, etc. In general, individuals have a baseline level of happiness. A good event might cause a temporary spike, and a bad event might cause a temporary valley, but within a month or two of even a trauamatic event, most people return to their baseline level. An exciting event like engagement/marriage can cause a temporary spike, but most people will return to their baseline fairly quickly. Even if your quality of life improves, you adjust to your new normal fairly quickly, and you return to that baseline. In other words: don’t expect something like getting married, having kids, or winning the lottery to make you happier. 

Post # 67
Member
9087 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

BRB, telling all my worries that they have to go away because I’m married and have a child. Think it’ll work for debt collectors and car mechanics?

I’ll update once I hear back from them all.

Post # 68
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee

Yea…the reason you’re unhappy isn’t because you’re not married and don’t have children. I really suggest some soul searching and therapy and finding some perspective. I tell my ten year old this all the time…there are ALWAYS going to be people better off than you and worse off, but you have to be grateful for what you have and if there’s something you want, then take the steps to get there. Don’t play a victim in life. You’re not a victim because you don’t have something someone else has and you want it.

There are a lot of unfair things in the world, but that doesn’t mean you get to decide that people who have things you don’t then don’t get to have emotions. If you’re struggling with something, get help for it like therapy. Don’t project your feelings onto others. It’s fine to share them, but don’t force other people to fit into the boxes you’ve created.

Post # 69
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Marriage should = immunity from sadness and frustration? Geez, wish someone had told me that years ago. *cough

But then I haven’t and won’t experience the magical sparkly mystery miracle of bringing forth a child into the world, so I suppose at least that gets me a pass for being minorly crabby? Yeah?   

Post # 70
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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omglife1985 :  because as your own username says OMG LIFE

Post # 71
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee

If this is real, it sounds like you are depressed. Please talk to your doctor and get some help.

Post # 72
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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omglife1985 :  I’m married and newly pregnant. I also have severe mental illness. The other shit in your life doesn’t just vanish because you have a ring on your finger.

Post # 73
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

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browneyedgirl24 :  That was an amazing response. You articulated that I was too lazy to. I agree 100%.

Post # 74
Member
1598 posts
Bumble bee

Because I love my husband so much that it’s annoying ><

Post # 75
Member
6839 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Welcome 1950’s! When you are married, just make sure that you always have dinner ready when he gets home and that the children are quiet when he gets home so he can rest. If he calls you, make sure you bring him another drink without asking. And never, ever complain about the preschoolers you work with, as his job is much more important and much more stressful. 

My Darling Husband is heading to the Netherlands for two weeks. I will be sure to remember that I have it ALL while he is gone and throw myself into his arms when he returns like a movie.

Wait, do I need to have a white picket fence to be happy, too? I don’t have a fence, and now I am worried…

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