Post # 1
Why do men feel it is necessary to have a house, all debt paid off, the perfect job before they propose? Why isn’t it based off of how much they love their SO anymore?
Some girls end up waiting YEAAAARRRS for guys to get their lives together and in the meantime they are growing resentment toward the man and feeling unworthy of a promise for forever.
I don’t understand why men have changed the dynamic into a materialistic relationship rather than they love said girl more than anything in the world and want to spend the rest of their life with her.
Someone explain why men think this way cause I don’t get it at all. A ring is meant to symbolize endless, eternal love.
Post # 2
Certainly not all men think or feel this way. Darling Husband proposed to me when we were 23 years old and he was still a student, my e-ring was under $400. We got married at 24, now still have tons of student debt, who knows when we will ever afford a house. For us it was never about money. I think some men use this as a stalling tactic when they are dragging their feet.
Post # 3
Well this is an over generalisation if ever I heard one.
Post # 4
littlebuzz : I wouldn’t call it a complete generalization if you’re only going off of the sample population in the Waiting boards…it could lead to some untrue assumptions because the women who aren’t made to wait aren’t really as vocal about their engagement process.
Post # 5
This does not apply to all men. I do believe that for some men this reasoning can be a stalling tactic when they feel they are being pressured to propose.
Post # 6
manderr : Because once he proposes next comes a wedding and they are not cheap, so having your life and finances in order before proposing makes sense?
Post # 7
I ask this because my boyfriend claims to want to marry me and loves me “like a wife” (his words) and brought me ring shopping 6 months into our relationship where we picked out my ring and when I asked him about us getting married a year later he said he wanted to be more established first. I don’t mean all men but I’ve heard this many many times. I don’t know what the big hold up is… he definitely has the money. And we plan to elope in Australia. I don’t want a wedding so that can’t be it.
Post # 8
manderr : have you brought it up with him lately? If so, what’d the conversation end on? If not, why?
Post # 9
I asked him what the deal was and he said we’ve only been dating for a year and a half even though HE initiated all this marriage talk to begin with. He even got me a wedding magazine.. He asked a girl to marry him before me after they had been dating three years and she ended up cheating on him. (I’m in my mid 20s and he’s in his late 20s) We’ve known each other for 7 years and he knows I wouldn’t do that to him. I knew him before he got with that girl. They didn’t live together and he definitely wasn’t more established than he is now. He talks like we’re engaged now but there’s no ring. We have the whole eloping thing planned out to a T and he is fully capable of getting the ring. He just jumps from one thing to the next but it ends on I want to marry you but he seems more focuse on getting a house and paying of this and that first and me being like if you say so. It just sounds like excuses
Post # 10
I’m sorry but I think the more salient question is: why do women allow it…
Generally speaking, talk is cheap, listen to what someone says but more importantly, watch what they actually *do* (or don’t do!) I would not be content nor continue in the role of defacto wife for years… however many women do just that! Sometimes it works out; their partner finally becomes willing to marry them, but … often it ends up that they wasted years and years of their life and have to start over…..
Op, *you* have control of your own life and choices, not him. Best wishes.
Post # 11
mrstodd2bee : Yes!!
This is not all on the men. Women have demonstrated that they are perfectly fine with buying a house, building a life and having children without the benefit and protection of marriage. So what’s the rush…
Post # 12
This doesn’t apply to men in general. This only applies to the men who try it on women who allow it.
You’re actively choosing to stay in an exclusive relationship with a man who refuses to back up his marriage talk with marriage action. Not every man does that. Not every woman puts up with it.
Post # 13
manderr : Sounds like he is keen but think it’s to soon. He probably likes the idea but he is not ready to propose – the house, being established etc. it’s only collaterals.
Post # 14
manderr : well since you say you’re not generalizing and instead talking specifically about your boyfriend – I think it’s a bit rich to say you’ve been waiting “soooo long” or whatever. A year and a half in your mid 20s is not so long, you’re both young, there’s plenty of time.
Post # 15
This seems silly. PEOPLE hold off when they aren’t ready, or aren’t sure they are with the person they want to commit to in that way. Soemtimes its men, sometimes its women (my husband was ready for marriage YEARS before I was, and that is true of dozens of women I know.)
There isn’t some hidden mystery to it, and it doesn’t track some mystical gender thing.