Post # 1
So I don’t know if most of the bees on here know…but I’m preggo and got a job offer in NY that hubby and I are comtemplating moving from DC to NY to. In talking to some people about the move, some people are super supportive, thinking that we should go. While others think that “in my condition” I shouldn’t stress myself out with things such as a big life change like moving or getting a new job, when it could add stress to the baby. Most of the “go” comments come from younger 40- while the “stay here and be depressed with your crappy part-time job” people are 60+. Hubby is in the “stay” camp because his family is here. But I just can’t help but think to myself “am I all of a sudden disabled?” “did I not know that pregnancy confines you to your house for 9 months and beyond?” I’ve never heard so many people talk about “in my condition” like I can’t do anything now because i’m pregnant…I guess I just feel really helpless, like i’m losing control of my life direction right now…
sorry…i’m probably just venting…but I just feel like this stresses me out more than the moving/job would!
Post # 3
Wow that’s so stressful. That seems like an old time mentality, that a woman who is pregnant can’t do anything but sit on a pillow and eat bon bons.
Post # 4
Well I get where you are coming from but I think there is a chance to have a miscarriage if you are in your first trimester. I’m the kind of person who will think I can do anything. Yeah, if I was pregnant, I would probably act like I’m not and overwork myself like I always do. I got a rude awakening when my sister was pregnant. She takes the bus to work and someone on the bus pushed her pretty hard on the bus. She immediately felt like something didn’t feel right. 🙁 She had a miscarriage that night. It was sad, she was so devestated. I don’t know if that actually caused the miscarriage but I know that especially in the first trimester, I would proably take it a bit easier. I’m not saying that I should stay home and not do anything but I can still have a life. It just shocked me that something like someone pushing my sister, might have caused a miscarriage.
Post # 5
I think people just know that having a baby and moving house/cities are both stressful situations, so when they hear you are intending on doing both at the same time they think it’s a lot to take on. It’s not that you’re incapacitated, just that it’s a lot to have on your plate. But, so many people do it and they are fine! I’d probably stop sharing with people who aren’t going to be supportive, at least until you’ve made your final decision and can just laugh it off.
Post # 6
I changed duty stations in my first trimester. I moved houses in my first trimester. I agree with the OP, it is NOT a sudden onset of a disability. Especially in the first trimester! You are still PERFECTLY capable of living life! Don’t let people tell you that you suddenly must become stagnant. Honestly I don’t think you need to take it easy until your third trimester really. Go for the job and the move!
Post # 7
Maybe the people giving the old-fashioned advice have just seen too many instances of when something unfortunate occurred and they just want the best for yourself and your family? I’ve never been pregnant so I don’t have a very educated opinion on this but I work with other women who are/have been and they continued to be on the go and active from day 1 to delivery so I say go for it!
Post # 8
This is one of my pet peeves. I worked a ton of hours in my first and second trimester. I continued to exercise and generally felt pretty good (after the nausea). Because I’ve seen so many people do this during residency and fellowship, it’s really hard for me to get worked up about “stress”.
Now, I did have a complicating medical condition in my 3rd trimester that forced me to stop working in the ER due to swelling and hypertension, but I was able to continue doing my research and other work without problem…
Only you know what you can and can’t handle. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should do or feel! 🙂
Post # 9
I don’t have any advice about pregnancy but I think like Mrs DG said only you know what you can and can’t handle.
When I had chemo every treated me like I was on my death bed but I still wanted to get up and go to work. I did what I felt I could do and took on what I felt I could do. I just made sure any committment I made understood what I was going through and they understood that just because I felt good today, doesn’t mean that next week that could seriously change. Everyone was totally supportive and knew that obviously if things changed I would have to back down.
Post # 10
People and their opinions 🙂 Most better kept to themselves. Pregnancy effects everyone SOOO differently. I’d just let their comments roll off your back and go about life as you see best 🙂
Plus the generation gap. My Great Aunts just can’t seem to understand why I enjoy exercise and run half marathons or go for 100 mile bike rides. Um.. Cause I enjoy it 🙂 I remember her one time totally seriously asking me what I did with my ‘tits’ while I ran 🙂 Gotta love her.
It is nice when folks are considerate about things like offering help or a chair but that can be asked in a caring way that doesn’t come across as treating us like we are sick.
Post # 11
My mom always told me that pregnant women should basically do nothing and relax 24/7. So i always had this mentality that pregnant women were delicate and should basically live in a cacoon of blissfullness. And then my SIL got pregnant (first person i’d ever known who was pregnant) and I learned that pregnancy is not a disability and you are capable of 90% of the things you did before. In fact, I learned this when she was about 5 months along and I offered to take a basket of hair supplies from her “because she was pregnant”. Yep, that was me. Thanks mom, for making me look muy silly.
My mom told me to tell my pregnant friend to “eat whatever craving she wants, it means the baby wants it” (which we all know isn’t healthy to just indulge 24/7) and that when i get pregnant, i’ll have to stop working out.
Seriously i think it’s just an older mind set. Only you can do what feels right. Life is stressful, you can’t just make it disappear. But dealing with it properly is all you can do! And, you know, leaving the 100 lb boxes to the men (which i’d do anyways) =]
Post # 12
I think that it depends on the job as well. As a veterinarian being pregnant and working has an increased risk. I get bit, I get kicked by horses/cows, I take x-rays, I am constantly around gas anesthesia, some of the drugs that I handle are hormonal drugs that can cause pregnancy termination if they get on my skin, and thousands of other things. I am not saying that I would totally have to stop working but if I choose to get pregnant it wojuld definitely alter the ability I have to practice and I would probably have to hire an additional staff member to pick up the slack. But for me the risk is not worth it even if I am taking every precaution I can. I am in a mixed animal practice (meaning I do everything!) and I take emergencies as well. So it is not just the stress of a job that can be dangerous for me it is the job itself. I think you need to discuss this with your husband because it is his child too. There are a lot of people who have perfect pregnancies and work until the last minute but there are also people who are on bed rest a lot. How would your new job work with health care? At one job I worked at they did not offer health care until I had been there for 6 months.
Pregnancy is not disabling but I would seriously take the risk of moving/working etc into account. Also for you moving would you be able to actually help in the move picking up boxes and moving things or would you have to hire people or depend on others? And there are things like painting/renovating new homes that are not easily done when pregnant.
Post # 13
That’s annoying! Its up to you to decide what you are up for. Besides it sure seems easier to move while pregnant than with an infant!!
My brother and his wife moved from Georgia to Ohio, bought a new house, started new jobs, etc. when she was 25 and preggers with their first. They were fine! the hardest thing was probably not having a support system when the baby was born given that they didn’t have much time to meet people – but that is life! everything is great now 🙂
Post # 14
In general, I unanderstand where people are coming from a la job, move, new city…but we actually have a great support system in NY (friends, relatives) and I work at a radio station…what I would be transferred to do there is NOT stressful…to me it’s actually fun…and the work invironment there is VERY flexible…and i’m pretty active…my doctor gave me the okay that everything is looking great and I can keep doing everything that I usually do…so to hear something like “in my condition” just kinda struck me as odd…and trust me, I know my limitations…this baby lets me know…
and as far as moving, yeah we would probably get movers to help us…shoot I didn’t help move the last time we did and I wasn’t pregnant then, so I know I won’t do it now…i’m not ironwoman 🙂
Post # 15
Congrats on the baby!!
I say do what feels right for you! The women in my family (all ages)are the opposite. Women keep doing what they are doing as long as it’s not stressful like….lifting trees or something like that.LOL
Post # 16
I say let the people encouraging you to 9 months of bedrest help you carry boxes when you move..