Post # 1
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
So, we’ve got a about 4 weeks to go and rsvps have been coming in steadily. One in particular kind of irritated me a little. My Fh’s brother and sister in law have two kids, one in high school and one in college. The response went something like: Mom,Dad, Son (+a date/friend?), Daughter(+a date/friend?). Now I understand if you are single and want to bring a date, that’s fine as long as you ask, but to ask to bring a date or friend for your kids? I thought that was kind of weird. Anyone else have this happen, and how did you say no without being rude?
Post # 3
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
SAME THING is happening to us, I haven’t even sent invites yet and already sons and daughters who are like 17 are booking plane tickets for their dates! AGH! I hate it! Mostly b/c I feel so bad since they already got a plane ticket, but seriously who does that? I had Future Father-In-Law take care of it and he was pissed off that he had to call….he’s still mad.
I talked to a friend of mine who got married a couple of years ago and she had the same problem, but her sisters were trying to invite their friends, etc. She said what she did was just complain so much to her sisters about other people asking to bring extra people that they eventually got the hint and stopped asking. I tried it with my mom and it worked.
Good luck, dealing with that stuff is so crappy….I’m expecting more and more of this….
Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
THANK YOU! It’s really starting to irk me that friends are assuming they can bring date without really asking. Argh!!! My Fiance and I have been discussing the limitations of people being able to bring a guest. It will probably make people grumpy, but oh well.
btw… I’m from Bennington!
Post # 5
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
I haven’t had that happen yet, but now I’m worried! I’ve gotten a few RSVP’s, but nothing like that! So rude!
Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
Just tell them no. It would be different if they weren’t invited with their family. I’ve been to plenty of weddings as an adult with my family because that’s who they sent the invite to, not me personally.
I’m not giving any of my sibs a +1 (they’re 16, 18 & 26) because none of them have serious relationships and they don’t need a friend to entertain them when they’re going to be around tons of family.
Post # 7
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
Thanks ladies! Now I don’t feel like I’m being a jerk for saying no!
@VTGirlinMa: It’s nice to see another Bennington girl on here. Good luck with all your wedding planning!
@camrie:That’s what I was thinking too. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and hang out with your family! HaHa!
Post # 8
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
I don’t have much advice on this topic, but I just wanted to say that my fiance and I went to Bennington VT on a road trip in the fall, and I thought it was such a nice town. 🙂
Post # 9
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
I had two people call to ask if they can bring a plus one even thought the invite was just for them, and I told them both yes, their guest is welcome to attend. I want my guests to have a good time, and it they are more comfortable bringing someone than coming alone, I would rather they bring someone even though it’s more money I end up spending.
However, I am having a small wedding and only invited 4 people without a guest in the first place. It would be a different situation if I was getting an extra 20 people due to unexpected plus ones.
Post # 10
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
I’ve seen TV show plots revolve around who someone will bring as a date to a wedding (How I Met Your Mother, I love you, but you are a huge offender here). So I think sometimes people get the message that that’s what’s typical if they’ve never planned a wedding themselves.
Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
I definitely think it’s okay to say no but I can understand their perspective too.
For example I sent out invites to everyone with names, if I knew an SOs name I put it down but if I didn’t I didn’t put “and Guest” because that would have been weird but I spread the word that people are welcome to bring guests. (Because we don’t mind). So if people have had the expereience of my invites it makes sense they’d assume when they got your invite.
Also if you think about the reception as a party – I’ve never been invited to party where I couldn’t bring a friend, nor have I hosted a party where someone coulnd’t bring a friend – that’s the normal thing for parties right? A wedding is different because it’s so much more expensive and big but it makes sense that people would bring over their expectation of parties – since they are not the ones planning.
But none of that doesn’t mean you can’t call and let them know you have limited space. I’m a fan of the reserved seats rsvps. (No excuses for ignoring that one! Though people still do…
Post # 12
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
I just assumed all the singles would bring a guest, so I figured that number into my overall totals. But, kids bringing dates? Sorry, under 18 can party with the family and leave their “boyfriend” at home (or girlfriend).
Post # 13
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
Hey rebeltreble it’s not such a rare thing especially in the past but now as well for an under 18 year old to have a “wife” or “husband” no quotes required.
Post # 14
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
It isn’t rare to be under 18 and be married? I don’t know what state you live in, but it is pretty rare around here. Still, under 18 is a child and children shouldn’t automatically be given a +1 which is what this topic is about.
Post # 15
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
UGH seriously took the words out of my mouth!
one of old youth group girls calls me (i haven’t spoken to her in 5 months and haven’t seen her since before we were engaged last summer) and says “i have a new bf (who actually has a gf that he hasnt broken up with for said girl) and he’s coming to the wedding?!”… WTF?!
i flat out told her he’s not invited.
she’s lucky she’s even getting an invite!
the nerve of some people
Post # 16
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
UGH! I know exactly what you ladies mean. Our problem is that we’re choosing to have a small destination wedding, but our friends are automatically assuming that they can bring people and have already asked dates! We had to put the kibosh on that, but I think people are slowly getting it.
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