Post # 32
@Brickette: I think women do it because they feel unappreciated, undesirable, and need to feel that they are wanted by someone. Maybe there is something lacking in a relationship. Lack of intimacy. I know of men and women who have cheated, and their reasons are varied.
I was once sexually involved with a guy who I thought had a girlfriend – although I asked about her (because I’d seen him out with her), all he said was she was an ‘acquaintance’ – they’ve since bought a house together. For him, I suspect it was opportunity – she lived 4 hours away so I assume they were LDR. We had met out one night and I wouldn’t give him my number, but he tracked me down. Not sure if the girlfriend has any idea, for all I know they might’ve had an open relationship.
I would never cheat on my SO, but I wish I had cheated on my ex. Maybe then, I would have moved on sooner. I had the opportunity when I saw an old crush out one night, but I was blindly devoted. To say that I regret not cheating says a lot for that relationship.
Post # 33
I can’t answer any of those questions…but from a family counseling perspective we talked a little about cheating within marriage and in my very limited understanding it seemed that the cheating was always more about the couple and less about the third person. The person who cheated was in some way elected by the couple to do the cheating…but in some way they would both be giving cues to eachother that there were problems and that someone needed to fix it…
Post # 34
Have you cheated? Yes, but not too seriously. (not married and not sex, but def emotional cheating which can be more serious!)
Why did you cheat? Mostly because I was young and dumb, and feeling like dramatic relationships were normal or necessary or something; I could get into details but obv the relationship I was in was not perfect to say the least, and I had serious feelings for the third person from before I got with the bf at the time. we’re talking college dramarama
Have you done it more than once? just multiple times in this same scenario
Did you feel guilty? If so when, was it during the act of cheating or after? i felt guilty before i ever did it because my bf was so hung up about this third person it was almost like he drove me to do it!!! later i found out the bf had actually cheated on me longggg before and then again at the throughout the end of our relationship, way worse than anything i ever did! so no guilt whatsoever!!
Did you tell your SO (did you tell them the whole truth or part of it?) or did they find out another way? no and no, we split
Would you do it again? nope, my SO and i have total trust and confidence in each other, we never played games or have drama, we’re totally straight forward and open with each other. we always say how we love how after 5 yrs everything has been pure and awesome w us and we would never do that to each other no matter, and we believe each other 100%! (important also bc his dad cheated on his mom and ended up marrying that other woman!..but that’s another story!!)
Did your SO forgive you? who cares what he thinks! he was an asshole!!!
Post # 35
Thanks for all of the input Bees! It is really nice to actually see if from the “cheaters” point of view.. it makes it easier not to judge people for what they have done if you know WHY they have done it!