Post # 1
I am a military wife. I told my Darling Husband that I needed to get my military dependent card. He asked me if I was ready to go change my name. I said no I shouldn’t have to, to get my ID card. He made the comment, “that’s why people get married”. Now i don’t know about him but for me it was a commitment to spend the rest of my life with him. Not changing my last name doesn’t make me any less married than a person who has changed their name. Today’s world men change their last names. You have gay and lesbian couples who marry and change their names so how is it determined if we are suppose to follow this old school tradition of a woman changing her name. His answer and that’s the problem with our society. I’ve always known him to be ao closed minded and it’s never bothered me but now I don’t even want to bother with the Id. I can’t access the base or programs for military families without it unless he is present. my question to all the other bee’s is why did you get married? Was it so you could change your name? For love? Any other reason other than what I mentioned.
Post # 2
If you (or anyone else) doesn’t want to change their name, they shouldn’t be pressured to do it. I am not changing mine, my SO has never once made any comment about it, and I hardly see how our relationship is such a “problem with our society.” I’m not really sure why his close mindedness has never bothered you before?
Post # 3
We’re getting married so we will be recognized as a unit by society, so that we can can have all the benefits, rights and responsibilities married people get and proclaim our love and life long commitment to the world.
And im pretty sure I’ll change my name. But I dont belive that is a reason for anyone to get married, it’s an option you have when you do get married (and if someone really just wanted to change their name, they can do a legal name change no need to get married for that)
Post # 4
For us it was for practical reasons, essentially to avoid any period of separation due to visa issues. Honestly I don’t think we would have ever gotten married if marriage didn’t have the legal value that it does. Neither of us are religious, and don’t subscribe to the idea that marriage is an essential ‘milestone’ in life, or a necessary means of proving our love.
Still, I have to say that we have really enjoyed the societal value too – that is, being treated like the serious, committed, totally in-love couple that we were, even when we’d been together for mere months, and even though we were both very young. After all, there’s no escaping the fact that the ‘boyfriend’/’girlfriend’ labels sound kind of temporary, and we hated how people treated us for the first few months, because we were only boyfriend/girlfriend.
Edited to add: And I didn’t change my surname, but only because I don’t like my DH’s surname. Otherwise I probably would have, if only to cement the societal value I mentioned. When people see that you have the same surname, it sure makes things easier to be treated to couple privileges – as you obviously know very well.
Post # 5
What?! People get married just so they can change their names? !?
What did he initially say when you told him you weren’t planning to change your name?
Post # 6
Health insurance, the policy in America leaves much to be desired. But he has been my best friend for well over a decade, 3 years we dated/ lived together. Since we met I knew he would always be in my life as my best friend, he knew I was going to be his wife. We decided to get married for practicality but also because we knew from our first date it would happen anyway. I like his last name better anyway. My madian name is a weird german name I constantly have to explain, his is pretty easy.
Post # 7
I believe marriage is a commitment to God and people that we will love each other, be commited to each other, and stay together until death. I married him and made that step because I love him more than anything and we were ready for marriage.
Post # 8
My Darling Husband and I are very strong Christians whose world views are predicated on Biblical principles. We chose to marry because Scripture clearly delineates different types of human relationships and what is considered to be God-honoring motives and behaviors within those relationships. Biblically based, Christian marriage as defined in Scripture describes the type of relationship that we wanted to have with each other, so that is why we chose to marry.
Obviously, many others have completely different world views.
Post # 9
In my country, the province of Quebec, does not recognize the changing of names after marriage, if you want to change your name, you have to pay for it. Every woman in that province, legal papers and ID is still in the woman’s maiden name after marriage unless she legally changes her name which I think costs around $160. In my province and I think in every other province, the name change of the woman is free after getting married.
Like you, getting married is for love of the person you vowed to live the rest of your life with, not a mundane thing like changing a name. how absurd.
Post # 10
We got married because we wanted to be recognized by society and our families that we are a unit and will make decisions concerning our future with both people in mind. This was the overarching reason – that other people didn’t respect us a BF/GF and we’d made a lifelong commitment to each other regardless, so what difference did a piece of paper make? The same argument could be made for NOT getting married, but this was what we felt was right. Other bonuses of being married: it was more convenient for a lot of things – taxes, bills, medical responsibilities, etc. We also wouldn’t have been able to get a lease at this apartment in this new area if we weren’t getting married (because my Darling Husband had a job offer and I didn’t, so I didn’t have the financial security when we were unmarried). Also, I wouldn’t have qualified for ANY of DH’s company’s insurance/benefits as unmarried, and my job as a freelancer provides none.
Post # 11
Also to add concerning the name change, I love my new last name. I really never liked my maiden name, and since I was planning to start a business and do some other projects that would forever use my personal name, I wanted the new name that I connected better with LOL.
Post # 12
I think it’s important to me for many reasons.
1. It plays a huge cultural significance to me for his side of the family. Our wedding ceremony will be the first time I will have paid respects at his family’s altar. It’s the first act, to me, that truly symbolizes us as a family unit.
2. I do want my name changed. I had a difficult chikdhood and I do not indentify with my father’s name since we do not have that relationship.
3. The benefits and rights from a legal standpoint are important. I want my partner to be able to have those rights to make certain decisions if I’m unable to.
Everyone has different reasons and none of them are wrong. So, you should keep your last name and get married if that’s something important to you! Good luck.
Post # 13
We are getting married because we believe that marriage is a sacred covenant that was designed by God. Our belief is that God ordained marriage because it is a picture of his relationship to the church. In the Bible, God says, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (Gen. 2:18)
We believe God’s purpose for marriage is that it shapes us to be more like him, and it allows two people to be co-dependent on one another in a healthy way that fosters our growth. With each other’s mutual support and love, we are better people than we would be without each other. We also feel strongly that the best way to raise children is bringing them into a healthy marriage in which two people are 100% committed to the family.
I just found this quote from covenantmarriage.com and I really like it!
A covenant is intended by God to be a lifelong fruitful relationship between a man and a woman. Marriage is a vow to God, to each other, our families and our community to remain steadfast in unconditional love, reconciliation and sexual purity, while purposefully growing in our covenant marriage relationship.
Everything else… changing my name, health insurance, etc. is just an extra and not a core reason “why” we are getting married.
Post # 14
I wasn’t looking for love when it found me.
I married because I felt compelled to do so. Sure, I love my hubs. He’s my BFF. Made me laugh, cry, strive, settle, and made me feel at home while afar. I also determined that life without him would pale by comparison. I prayed a lot and finally accepted that God had placed us together for our good.
Now, as to your husband witholding a DEERS card from you, I can’t help but wonder (‘cuz I’m a fellow .mil wife) did he enroll you in DEERS and keep the card? Or not enroll you? The latter violates regulations and he could face sanctions. The former is still a problem. Here’s hoping you get this sorted asap.
Military one source dot com is a great website for families as we learn to navigate .mil life. Just my $0.02.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2016 - Sand Key Park- Clearwater Beach Elopement
We are getting married because we love each other more than anything in the world, and while you don’t NEED to get married to “prove” this, it’s just the next logical step for us. He is an atheist and I lean toward paganism, so our marriage isn’t based within Christianity. The benefits that come with marriage are just an added bonus. We want to show our love and commitment to each other for the rest of our lives through getting married. We are becoming our own family “unit”.