Post # 1
I am paying out of pocket for everything on a tight budget for our wedding, so we decided to do an adult and teen only ceremony. (Better anyways when you have to invite family who really don’t know how to act at events) Our families are ridiculously large and everyone has 5-6 kids a piece literally. If we allowed children too, we would be feeding an additional 200 mouths or more. So anyways, I know I am going to run into problems when invites go out, planning on that. What I wasn’t expecting was my sister-in-law (bridesmaid) to try and push her luck with it by telling me she is going to bring her youngest. Her husband is also supposed to be in the wedding, what do they plan on doing with her during the reception? She isn’t sitting up at my table! Anyways, my own kids aren’t even going to be at the reception and it’s my wedding. (Even though I want them there, but I think that’s rude and terrible wedding ettiquette. If I let one person and not anyone else, that is extremely unfair to others. Why do people always have to push their luck or try to overstep boundaries. This whole wedding planning process has been a pain! From grumbling resistant bridesmaids, etc, etc…. So far, she hasn’t even been a helpful bridesmaid and can’t afford to buy her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for $55, I don’t know how they will afford a tux rental for $165. I am so close to just calling the weding party off and just have a best man and Maid/Matron of Honor like I originally planned for this reason, to avoid these issues… I am definitely not a blunt person either, so while handling this might be easy for some, it’s really putting a lot of pressure on me. I hate being the bad guy! 🙁
This topic was modified 4 years ago by ahough2.
Post # 2
Just a thought and definitely not trying to be rude, but if they cannot afford the dress and tux, how are they going to afford a babysitter? Maybe that’s why she said that she’s going to bring her youngest? If that’s the case maybe you can try and figure out a way with your future hubby of how to get them a babysitter or how to handle the situation. As I have noticed, normally with cases like this, there is normally an underlying issue that the person does not want to blurt out because they are embarressed, maybe some one on one time with her to figure that out will solve the problem?
Post # 3
ahough2: I’m sorry you’re having this issue :/
Sometimes I do think people make things a lot harder than they need to be. In my case having a small wedding party really made life simple.
It’s hard when you make choices that you knwo are not going to be accepted in your social circle. Going against the grain will cause you more grief. But hey, money talks! If you are paying you make the rules. As long as you aren’t being rude to anyone (you aren’t) then you should just be firm but polite in reinforcing with people who question things.
Post # 4
No, that’s definitely not the issue with her unfortunately or I would get a babysitter for her. Her mother-in-law lives with her and always watches her kids for free and is watching her 3 oldest. The wedding isn’t until the end of September, so even if that was the case that for some reason her mother-in-law wouldn’t she would have time to find someone else… and she is talking about buying her daughter a dress, so I know that’s not the issue. I’ve known her for many years, she just likes to test and push her luck with everything to see if she can get away with it, lol. :/ Plus she isn’t one to withhold information like that, she isn’t a private person and tells everyone everything. So ehh… It’s just another one of those things I have to deal with, but trying to find a way to do it without upsetting anyone…
Post # 5
ahough2: I just wanted to add that it would not in fact be rude to have your children at your wedding, even if no one else’s children are invited. This is in no way an etiquette faux-pas.
Post # 6
crackktheskyy: + 1
There’s no reason at all to exclude your own children from your wedding even if you’ve not invited other children. It’s perfectly acceptable and not a breach of etiquette.
As for your sister-in-law, you just have to be absolutely clear that NO other children are invited. Like none. If she throws a strop and refuses to be in the bridal party then that’s her choice. Right now she’s playing stressful games with you. Refuse to engage in them.
Post # 7
Steampunkbride: Okay, thanks. I wasn’t sure how I felt about having my own children there, but not allowing other kids. I didn’t want to have to deal with a backlash on that. As for her, I have a feeling she might try to pull that and pout about it, but I have enough to deal with already and little things like this make it much more stressful!
Post # 8
ahough2: you are allowed to have a child free wedding. Guests will either have to find a sitter or not attend.
You are most certainly allowed to have your own children at your own wedding. Please invite them and let them share in your special day…..
Post # 9
californiabride2013: Thanks! My children are actually going to be involved in the ceremony, which all kids are allowed at. I was just concerned about the reception. My FI’s family is a family full of complainers and always have something negative to say, so I wasn’t sure if I should just avoid all that by just not having them there. Although my mom said she would watch them while we were there, I didn’t want to make it hard on her either. So I’ve been torn. :/