(Closed) Why Do People Judge Weddings?

posted 8 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I was very judgemental right before we got married. Mainly b/c I was taking notes on what I did or did not want for my wedding. I noticed that dinner took way too long at one particular wedding and thought how I would never do that to my guests. Then, at another, they put us at a table with people we didn’t know at all over a table with friends.

I think that once your own wedding is over, and you realize how much you spend and what was or wasn’t worth it, you give other brides a break. You’re supposed to be there to celebrate the couple, their marriage and their love for one another. As long as they are happy, I’m happy now!

Post # 4
Member
818 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think that it is human nature to want to compare everything. People make themselves feel good by critiquing stuff that is none of their business. It’s not nice or cool, but they do it anyway.

Post # 5
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I know I may not be the norm, but I honestly remember very few details about the weddings I have attended. I really didn’t notice details until I became engaged, I only remember 1 or 2 centerpieces and I couldn’t tell you about any of the flowers.

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

The reason I judge is b/c I’m ‘forced’ to spend all day and night in an atmosphere completely out of my control. And it’s usually a Saturday. So partially I have nothing better to do. But the ‘judgy’ side of me comes out mostly when I’m inconvenienced, like waiting ALL DAY between the ceremony and reception or driving really far from one to the other or not fed for a really long time. I get grouchy..

Flowers, linens, bm dresses I very rarely comment on unless they’re hilariously bad.

Post # 7
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think we judge weddings for the same reason we judge anything else:  we’re all just a little bit insecure.  A wedding incorporates or relates to almost every single important part of our lives – money, family, personal taste, clothing, friendship…  One of those things is bound to push a button in most people.

 

Post # 8
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I don’t know, but I think it’s really sad. I can honestly say I’ve never been to a wedding and judged it. I had fun or I didn’t, but I didn’t go all bitchcakes on their songs or centerpieces or venue. Makes me sad that people do that. 🙁

Post # 9
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I will raise my hand in shame and say that I used to be one of those people. I judged. A lot. Which is weird because I had never even been to a wedding at that point in my life. I would hear details and say, “Ew!” Not anymore though. I think some of it largely has to do with maturity (once you’re older and more mature,  you tend to just accept things as they are regardless) and part of it is just your overall personality (chances are, if you judge weddings, you judge almost everything else about someone else’s lifestyle).

Weddings are also touchy to begin with. They bring out emotions in people you didn’t think existed. Especially with family members. I think also, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing, so people will tend to think, “This is their WEDDING, not just a regular party, WHy would they do it THAT way?!”

I’m SO much better than I used to be. Now I love weird, quirky weddings because they have the most personality. There are still some things I have opinions on, but I keep my mouth shut 🙂

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@layla – I get sad too, but I should have clarified that I didn’t let the bride and groom know that I didn’t like certain things about their wedding. I think I just made a conscious effort to make sure that my wedding didn’t have what they had…know what I mean?

I do get sad though when it’s things like making fun of a brides’ choices b/c they’re not the taste of everyone else’s. I’ve been to weddings of all shapes and sizes, and I think it’s the company you’re with that makes them fun.

Post # 12
Member
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I’m with 2Peas – I am also taking notes on what to do or not to do. And I’m more judgmental about the logistics than about matters of taste. For example, if I don’t like a bride’s dress or the flowers, I really don’t even think about it.

But I’ve been to several weddings where they were just poorly planned. Like 2Peas, I’ve been to a wedding where we waited FOREVER for food, and we were starving.

And I’ve been to a wedding that wasn’t wheelchair accessible but the groom’s brother had been wheelchair-bound since birth (he had to get carried up a narrow staircase and it was humiliating for him).

And I’ve been to a wedding where the dancing was in a separate room from the eating. In the dancing room, there were NO tables or chairs. More room for dancing, yes, but I spent the entire night teetering in my painful heels, juggling my clutch and my drink, because there was noplace to sit or to set anything down.

So, I try not to judge weddings on aesthetics. But I do judge them on logistics, only because I want my guests to be as comfortable as possible.

Post # 13
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree that it’s just human nature to a point and not one of us can say we’ve never done it– weddings, clothing, whatever! I also agree it comes out of insecurities. We all have them. All you can do is try to be the best person you can be and remember the golden rules. The school I grew up in used to use these words to live by– be gentle, generous, truthful, kind, and brave. Definitely don’t succeed all the time but as long as you try!

EDIT: And in terms of wedding… I’m with a lot of you… I don’t think it’s a nasty judgement more of trying to improve something to your tastes and your guests tastes. Once we’re outta this wedding planning madness… I’m sure it will stop just like we didn’t do it before… but who I am kidding, I’m guilty too!

Post # 14
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think there is a lot of truth to what moderdaisy said.

I also think flow has a lot to do with it. I’ve attended weddings that flowed really nicely, and there wasn’t room to judge. Maybe I didn’t particularly like the cake or the linens, but as I spent most time talking and visiting and dancing, who cares?

When you wait 20 minutes at the bar, then an hour for the couple to show, then 45 for the salad, then just stand around after dinner before dancing…there is time to judge!

I personally think the flow of the event is one of the least thought about parts, and is SO CRUCIAL.

Post # 15
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

I try, try, try not to judge….. but man my family judges EVERYTHING and sometimes you can’t help but get caught up in it. Unfortunately in my old school Italian family the weddings are competitions of which cousin can top the other. It’s really sad and I know that they will all probly judge mine because it will be very “simple” in comparison. It is sad though 🙁

Post # 16
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Judging isn’t innately bad, I don’t think.  It’s one of those ways that we collectively decide what is and isn’t okay when it comes to how we treat one another.  There is such a thing as being too permissive, and I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world for a person to be told that his or her behavior is, for example, wildly inconsiderate. 

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