Why do people say first year of marriage is the hardest?

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
1132 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

We did not live together before marriage and it was a HUGE adjustment.  We went from seeing each other on weekends only to seeing each other on a daily basis.  Once you are married there are adjustments with finances, time, etc.  It was a huge change for us.  It was also a really good year too, but hard.  

Post # 3
1661 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Another April bride here! God, time’s FLYING!!!! I’m on the 8th – you?

This is a generally outdated idea IMO cos a most couples didn’t live together (or even away from family) or have sex prior so it was an EPIC adjustment of learning how to cook/clean/live together/share your space/share your money/be married/start having sex (which normally sucks in the beginning).

All of those things and more and they’re all massive in their own right let alone going through them all at once! Whoa.

As for me, it won’t be the case. I’ve been with my Fiance for 9 years and lived together for 4. 

Our first year of marriage will likely be our best year yet 🙂

A good friend of ours did wait to live together and have sex and their 1st year has been terrible so I do think it’s all based on that

Post # 4
47256 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

biancalowe8 :  As  the pp’s have said, it is an old saying from the days when couples did not live together before marriage.Living with anyone is hard, but learning to live with someone you love can be harder because you can’t just tell them to move out if they don’t like it.

Post # 5
1079 posts
Bumble bee

I agree it is an outdated thought, or could more accurately be stated that the first year living together is the hardest. However, it’s not always the case. I wouldn’t say the first year of my marriage or the first year we lived together was hard at all. 

Post # 6
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

tillymac :  I wouldnt be so sure… I know many people who lived together who had a harder first year than others who didnt so it doesnt garantee anything

to the OP its hard because its an adjustment, no matter how ‘pre-married’ you think you are you’ll likely notice changes, some people themselves even change after marraige the infamous ‘letting yourself go’ which doesnt just mean getting fat but rather relaxing into the security of the fact that you dont HAVE to work so hard because your now already married… basically like how new dating couples act different to long term couples, newly married couples can act completely different to long term couples, its not the timeline its the personal security change and letting your gaurd down which takes adjusting too

Post # 8
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Since we lived together for 3 years before marriage it’s been exactly the same. I agree that those who did not live together have to adjust A LOT.

Post # 9
1196 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I agree with the others in that it may seem hard for those that didn’t live together and are thrown into cohabiting + marriage + all the responsibility that comes with it all at once.  My first marriage didn’t survive the first year.  We were young, didn’t live together prior, built a house, and got married.  And we dated for 4 years.  Marriage is a HUGE responsibility and for us (and some other things) it drove us apart.  

Post # 10
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I was wondering the same thing! I have been married 8 months and it has been the best and we haven’t had any big conflicts! We did not live together before we were married or have sex. We moved in together on our wedding night! I think it depends on the couple and for sure on expectations!!! If you have unrelastic expectations, then it might be hard the first year. 

Post # 11
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

We lived together for a year and a half prior to getting married, and the first year was STILL hard. However, it was hard because of external things going on in our lives (we both were working 6-7 days a week, I was doing consulting work at the dealership he helped run that the owner was mismanaging down the drain, both of us left the dealership, I switched full time jobs, he didn’t go get another full time paying job so that he could launch his own business… you get the idea).  

Post # 12
1364 posts
Bumble bee

In the past 14 months my H and I met, moved in together, got engaged, adopted another two cats, sold my condo, bought a 200-year-old house in need of major renovations in a new state, adopted another dog, got married, I started a new second job, I’ve dealt with major health struggles, and we started TTC. Sooooooo…yeah, it’s had some bumps! We totally brought it all on ourselves but we did what felt right. I don’t think that most people cram that much stuff into a year. 🙂 

I do see a lot of my friends struggle through year one, though, regardless of circumstances, so I’m not really sure what that’s about. I think it’s just a lot of adjustment for some people. 

Post # 13
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

biancalowe8 :  i think that only applies if you have not lived together. In my opinion the 1st year of living together is the hardest cause you gotta get used to each others quirks and habbits… manage money and scheudles.. you see everuthkng, the good, the bad and the ugly..cause real life is not just glamour looking people on awesome dates.. that’s dating.. living together is all kinds of states and moods..

Post # 14
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

They say that because there are a lot of adjustments to make and things to work out. All of this depends on the couple, though.

Many will say that’s just for couples who didn’t live together before marriage, but that’s not true. The simple fact is a lot of people behave differently after marriage, which means most of what was learned before is useless. It happens a lot.

Others said the saying is outdated, but it’s not. It depends on the couple, how compatible they are, and how truthful they were with each other. Living together doesn’t mean each member of the couple was truthful or that the couple is compatible — it just means they live together. Unfortunately, many couples who live together stop asking questions and observing each other. Instead, they distract themselves with day-to-day life, focusing on and working out small problems, completely ignoring bigger ones. Weddingbee is full of examples of this. 

Post # 15
4246 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Marriage can be very difficult.  Your priorities are no longer yours alone.  It’s a full, lifelong commitment.  I am a believer that if a relationship is consistently difficult, it’s not worth staying in.  However…there also there are guaranteed to be some conflicts in any relationship.  They can be the most minor things, but there will be some kind of conflicts.

In our first year we dealt with health issues, multiple job changes, and unemployment.  Life often hits unexpectedly with curve balls you could have never anticipated.  Our first year sure did!

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