(Closed) Why do proposals have to take so long to plan?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 2
6667 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Honestly, he’s probably a master procrastinator like my husband.  We were together about 8 years before he proposed and he finally did it because I forced it.  I think he regretted that big time in the end, but frankly we’d talked and talked about it, I was sick of waiting and sick of second guessing how he felt about me.  I truly did say now or never (he already had the freaking ring, for heaven’s sake).  I do know sometimes he put it off because the plan fell through, but at some point, screw the plan.  Examples: the day we moved into our house (too tired), the day we went to a pretty hot springs (their water tarnishes silver).  If I had been on the bee at the time and complained about it, they’d have told me he never wanted to marry me and that I needed to dump him.  It would have made me miserable, so thank goodness I didn’t know this website existed!

You say you want forever to start right now, but it already has.  You live together, you bought a house together.  The only thing missing is the kids. It’s easy for some personality types to get complacent. If you want to get engaged now, you do have to “nag” at least a little.  Discuss a timeline and remind him that it doesn’t matter how he goes about it, as long as he actually does.

Post # 3
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

As long as this isn’t the seventh “six months” then you don’t have anything to worry about. It sucks, and at the end of the day its taking away six months from the time you could be married. 

Men plan quasi-elaborate proposals because there is still perceived societal pressure to do that. Then there is plain old human procrastination. Some men use it as an excuse to buy time, but that doesn’t seem like the case here. I also think that the closer you get to “living as married” the less urgent actually getting married becomes even to the most honest of men. I don’t have a solution to that- I also see the benefits of getting to know someone better by living with them and I am currently living with my fiance. But I can’t help but believe that we would be married sooner if we hadn’t moved in. 

As far as people telling you that you have all the time in the world, *I* wish they would stfu. Ok, so you have a bunch of time- why waste it? Shouldn’t you be using your time to do what you want to do? Time is a resource, would they be saying that about any other resource? “You have plenty of food, toss some on the ground.” “You have plenty of money, invest in a pyramid scheme.” “You have three cars, drive stupid.” “You have plenty of shirts, cut this one up.” No? Then they shouldn’t be telling you to waste time either. You were lucky enough to find your person early in life. It is not good advice to tell you to waste that advantage by doing something other than you want to do with the time you were given, however long that happens to be. 

Post # 5
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

kinlee :  They don’t have to take that long. When they do take that long, it’s usually because the proposee has such high expectations that the proposer is afraid they won’t be able to meet them, or the proposer is stalling (maybe deliberately, maybe subconsiously). You sound confident that your situation is neither of these, so hopefully you’ll be engaged in the next 6 months. If it drags on past that though, you should ask him which of those two reasons applies or why his desire to “surprise” you (with something you already know is coming) is more important than your desire to move your lives along. What other reason is there besides than these?

Post # 7
285 posts
Helper bee

Proposals only take a long time if you have a guy who drags his feet 🤷🏼‍♀️ I never “waited” with Darling Husband – we picked a ring out and he proposed when it was ready. 

Post # 8
482 posts
Helper bee

How is the proposal going to be a “complete surprise” if you already know he will be proposing?  No one needs 6 months to plan a proposal.  No one.  He’s putting it off,  I don’t know why, but he is.

Post # 12
2468 posts
Buzzing bee

It sounds like you don’t want a “surprise” proposal?  If so, have you explained that to him?

(I personally hate surprises.  They stress me out. I’m a little too Type-A to enjoy them)

Post # 13
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If you’re ready to start planning a marriage and you don’t care about a big surprise proposal, you need to tell him! My husband and I just agreed we wanted to get married, and made it happen together

Post # 15
2892 posts
Sugar bee

They don’t need to take that long.  Your boyfriend is choosing to take that long.

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