(Closed) Why do proposals have to take so long to plan?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 17
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

kinlee :  I get that, but what prevented him from “completely surprising” you up until now?  Nothing.  I repeat, no one needs 6 months to plan a proposal.  Especially if marriage and engagement is something you’ve already discussed and agreed upon.  He’s putting it off.  You shouldn’t be afraid to ask why.

Post # 18
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

kinlee :  IF he’s so eager to plan a surprise, why is it taking him so long to plan it and carry out the plans?  Has he even started planning? We do the things we want, and put off the things we don’t want to do.  If he is so eager, he wouldn’t be putting it off for 6 months.

What does “planning” even mean to him?  Making a restaurant resevation is a phone call.  Booking a trip is a few days research online.  Hring a singing telegram is a phone call.  I have yet to hear of a proposal that required more than a few days planning.

Post # 19
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

kinlee :  I consider my proposal to be somewhat elaborate – it happened on vacation and took planning. We just booked our trip to be timed with the ring being ready. We had a discussion, agreed we wanted to get married and took the necessary steps to do so. You only end up “waiting” when one person wants to be married and the other doesn’t or isn’t ready. There is no such thing as the right moment or the right time, it’s a cop out that people use to buy time or put things off. The right moment is when you make things happen. 

Post # 22
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

kinlee :  Proposals don’t take long that’s the thing. Your dragging-my-feet boyfriend does. 

Post # 23
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

kinlee :  My husband was nervous and still proposed along with many other men. You’ve laid out how sure you are that he’s not dragging his feet or he’s nervous or whatever, so if you’re laying it all out doesn’t that answer your own question? I think you do have fears that he’s dragging his feet which is what it seems like to me but you’re trying to convince yourself that it’s all these other things. I repeat, propsals do not take long. They aren’t children waiting to be born after 9 months. It is your boyfriend taking long. 

Post # 24
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

I love your post and all the replies you posted – you sound a lot like me! I also had a lot of waiting anxiety. My fiancé proposed earlier than we planned on because it FINALLY struck him miraculously LOL that wedding planning (for the large, wedding we wanted in my hometown which neither of us still lived in) would take a year to plan while working full-time, and that if we wanted to get married this summer, he would have to propose last summer so that we could start planning and booking a venue/vendors.

For him, it took a while because he wanted to plan something elaborate involving skydiving and our siblings/cousins. He also custom designed the ring, so that took a few months. Lastly, we were long distance and he was busy with school and work, so that played a part too. 

But yeah, I had a lot of anxiety waiting. Like it got really bad. Especially because there were cultural family pressures on him to propose as well because my parents are South Asian lol. Ultimately though, he did it when HE was ready – he is 3.5 years younger than me, so obviously I was ready well before him.

Hang in there bee! Luckily you already have the living situation fired out, so one less thing to worry about and more time for the things and people you love! 

Post # 26
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

kinlee :  Well that’s pretty much the most likely thing happening . You asked why they take long and the answer is they don’t because they don’t exist in of themselves.  They are created. I think you know the real answer here. Your messages show that you do. 

Post # 28
Member
10865 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

kinlee :  

It only takes three to four weeks to produce an opera, Bee.  Those are pretty elaborate productions.  Your proposal is not likely to be quite that grand.

You’re working quite hard looking for loopholes for your bf.  In reality, there is only one reason he hasn’t proposed yet—he doesn’t want to.

Your task is to have an open, direct, adult discussion with him and ask him what needs to happen for him to feel ready and want to propose.

Post # 29
Member
1794 posts
Buzzing bee

It doesn’t take long, guys just waste time because they’re lazy or stalling because they’re unsure.

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