(Closed) Why do proposals have to take so long to plan?

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 32
Member
2185 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It doesn’t take that long to plan a proposal—even an elaborate one. For whatever reason, he isn’t quite ready to propose. He could just not feel ready, or maybe he’s trying to hard to make it “perfect.” Who knows. Is he a perfectionist? 

Post # 35
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

To me, it makes no difference that your anniversary is coming up.  He could think that’s “too obvious” and wouldn’t be a “complete surprise.” 

What is more relevant is your post on him winging it all the time, and never planning anything and being impulsive.  That tells me he is not planning some big elaborate proposal.  He is putting off proposing.

Post # 36
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

izzabella :  +1. 

To OP, once again if it’s your true hope or belief that he’s probably doing it for your anniversary then why are you here looking for answers when you already decided yourself? I’m truly baffled by the multitude of reasons you have for him.  He doesn’t even need to use any excuses because you’ve got it covered. 😂 

Post # 37
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

yupmarried :  Came here to post the same thing. Lazy or stalling; those are the two main ones. 

And I guess there’s the occasional case of waiting for a certain date or time of year, but I’m willing to bet that reasoning is often used to justify underlying procrastination.

Post # 40
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

kinlee :  several other people have told you the exact same thing. But okay. I hope he does have a huge elaborate proposal that equates to something like the royal wedding so that it will all make sense why he took so long. Keep us posted!

Post # 41
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

kinlee :  Because proposals can happen at any time. They don’t need to coincide with certain dates, and “surprise” proposals often purposefully don’t happen around special occasions because that would be “too obvious.”

Maybe my view is biased, but I don’t see the point of making a ready and willing partner wait for months and months for engagement because the time of year is somehow that important. I just don’t see how it can be that important. So I think it’s often just a convenient excuse to procrastinate. If both partners are in no hurry and want the same specific type of proposal then fine, but if if one person feels like they are waiting, then I don’t see the purpose of prolonging the wait except to stall.

Post # 42
Member
5 posts
Newbee

kinlee : Hey 🙂 I’ve been lurking in the threads for a while and your dilemma finally brought me to respond. Except I don’t think yours is a dilemma, if you guys have discussed it and you’ve come to the compromise about a timeline then let it be. I understand for some people that 6 months may be a long time but it really does fly! It must be hard to wait but he’s talked honestly about what he needs from you and when he’ll do it by then you have to trust that you’re both working towards the same goal. 

I know this may seem naive to some Bees who have seen many waiting Bees ask in the comments but it really sounds like he’s given a timeline which you can agree to. Obviously if he doesn’t then it’ll be a harder discussion to have. But you’ve been with him for a long time so you know how he works. Trust that he wants the same goals as you do and do your own thing (and get plenty of manicures just in case! 😉 )

Post # 43
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee

Tossing out a question for discussion:

If you planned to marry your romantic partner and you knew your romantic partner was eager to get engaged and was stressed out/upset/anxious about the lack of a proposal and that you were not engaged yet…. to the point of even doubting or questioning your love/commitment, would you:

A) be cagey about some big surprise you have not begun to plan. Insist they wait because you want it to be a surprise and clearly that’s the most important thing!

B) string them along by trying to throw them off the trail.  Bonus points if they expect a proposal on certain dates or occasions but do t get one; that will help make it a surprise when it really happens!

C) realize the kindest and most loving thing to do is end their stress. Find a way to propose as soon as possible. Rip off the bandaid and end their torment!

Post # 44
Member
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

kinlee :  “A quote pops in my mind- “when you want to be with someone forever, you want forever to start now” or something like that, not sure where I heard it, but it resonates with what I’m talking about here”

That’s from When Harry Met Sally.

At this point, if there is no doubt you’ll be getting married and you’ve openly discussed many of the hows and whens of a proposal, then technically a surprise proposal is just a formality. And delaying for months on end is just a stall tactic. 

If a show of enthusiasm is more important to you than some date on the calendar, or an over planned and orchestrated proposal, let him know. 

Post # 45
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

They don’t take that long to plan.  We met in July and got engaged in November.  We looked at rings once during those 4 months.  He brought flowers, a sweet love letter, and the ring when he came to propose. 

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