Post # 1
Last night FH and I went to a church marriage group, supposed to be other young couples discussing their faith. I knew most of the couples who were coming- all are very nice, educated, and interesting, so I was excited to find some other married couples our age. We were the only couple without a baby or pregnant, and that is ALL they could talk about. Even when the discussion was brought back to religion, the answer was, “God made us parents, that is more important than anything else,” and then directly into more of the “cute” things their kids do. When we were all getting acquainted, we were talking about how we just moved into our house and nothing is on the walls, and this turned into, “be sure you hang them up high, our kids like to move the pictures off center.” These are all people with at least a college degree who were interesting pre-baby. I am not saying that God doesn’t want us to be good parents, but I don’t think that is ALL God wants us to do. FH and I both were so sick of hearing about their kids by the end of it. Does anyone else feel this way? The way all the women were ooing and ahhing over pregnancies and babies made me wonder:
1. is there something wrong with me? Does anyone else feel like this, especially people who have kids? Can someone who feels like this be a good parent and enjoy it?
2. With SO MANY people I know who have become boring after kids, how can we prevent this?
Post # 3
Oh wow! Sounds like they’re just really invested in the fact that they were blessed with children. Honestly, it may not be the group for you!
Perhaps you should invite one or two of them out to a different kind of meetup, like going to an art gallery and then drinks with you as a kind of “get to know you”? They might feel more comfortable talking about non-kid stuff there.
And as to not being “boring,” stay true to yourselves! Go do things for yourselves, take trips, discuss plans. Just know that your mind might change after kids! (I’m not a parent, I should note, but I know plenty of people who are!)
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I’m sure a lot of that had to do with the fact that most of the people in the group have or are having children, so it was something they all had in common to talk about! And, I can see that it would be easy to get caught up talking about kids a lot, especially if you’re a new parent – it’s a pretty huge thing!!
I’d suggest trying to hang out with some of the couples outside of that setting, maybe have them over for dinner. Then you’ll have a chance to talk to them about other things!
Post # 5
i think it’s the same kind of deal as when people are getting married, they tend to talk about weddings a lot. when you’re excited about babies and pregnancy, you’re going to talk about it. i don’t have a baby, nor am i pregnant, but a lot of my fi’s friends are so it’s always the topic of conversation when we go out to dinner or hang out. they always try to steer away from it because my fi an i don’t have any kids, but i actually am interested in what they have to say and love the conversation because i feel like i’m learning things for our future.
Post # 6
You can be a good parent and not talk about it 24/7 to everybody who’ll listen.
I think people become “boring” because they lack the energy and willpower to do other things. THey become SUCH an effort (dinners out, etc) that it’s just a big trade off. Babies are their lives at that point for them so it’s hard to focus on other things. Just like things like having sex in your marriage become difficult as time go on–people get boring, right? You gotta find ways to spice life up. I think it’s the same way with kids. you have to MAKE yourself do other stuff or it sucks the life out of you. At least that’s what my mom says. She spent so many years of her life allowing it to revolve around us excessively that she’s very much; “Ejs, don’t make that mistake. you’ll lose a big piece of who you are”. Knowing me, I won’t be ok with it so I know we’ll have to work hard to find a way to make it all work.
Post # 7
i agree with artbee & ejs4y8…
I will start off by saying i am a mom to a 5 month old son…
having a child is a very exciting time, and thats what you are focusing most of your energy on, so just like planning a wedding it is a huge topic of interest. and it consumes youre entire life, being a parent isnt something you can turn off, but you definetly need to have your own life as well. I try and have a girls night out once a month, but most of the time i am thinking about how i wasnt home to put my kid to bed!! And me and Fiance have really been trying to have our time too, as a couple not just parents! You never know how much it will change you and everything about you until you have a baby. its really hard to keep friends who dont have kids, and i imagine, its hard to stay close with people who have kids when you dont (works both ways) because your lives are entirely different!
And to answer your first question…there is nothing wrong with you!! I know a few of my friends say they are way to “selfish” to have kids right now because they are enjoying living their own lives without having to worry about anything else, and especially being a newlywed, so enjoy that for now, and i am sure when your ready you will make a great mom!!
Post # 8
Had to giggle …This is because most parents are sleep deprived zombies the first year. Longer if they have kids back to back. They not trying to be dull but most the time the talk is on auto pilot since they really wanting to be asleep in bed.
Mine’s still under 6 yrs so I still don’t get to do the things I want. However when I do go out baby talk is the last thing on my mind. This only happens as they get a bit older and parents feel more like themselves again.
Hang in there..you’ll get your friends back though you may be the one in their shoes when it finally happens.
Post # 9
Yeah, I think when something is a big part of your life, it’s easiest to talk about it. I know when I talk about horses or Psychology or whatever, people’s eyes tend to glaze over. But if I’m talking to another rider or Psychology student, the conversation is really lively! So maybe you’d be better off in a group that was more focused towards something relatable? It’s too bad that they’re straying from the common focus of the group, but obviously that is how they feel religion reflects their lives, so to them it’s relevant.
Post # 10
Oh my goodness I can agree. I am really young, 20, and the first of my friends to get married. My fiance is nearly 5 years older. I want to finish school before kids, and I might go on to grad school – we have agree at LEAST 5 years before kids and maybe even more like 7 haha. My mom was shocked, but you know I have NO desire for kids right now, and I’m so young I have plenty of time. kids are not a priority to me, my school and my job is.
I want to be a working mom. I have no desire to be a full-time stay-at-home mom, now I know a lot of women have the most amazing sense of self-satisfaction with that calling, and that is so great..because I could NEVER be like that. I’m not patient enough. I like working and I love school. So I’ll probably end up working part time. My goal is to never become like those people. Because I know them.
But you know, it is possible to not be like that. But face it, growing up don’t you remember your mom getting together with her friends and they all talked about their kids?! It’s just a priority in their lives, I think it changes once you actually have them. My mom still is constantly bragging on her kids and telling other moms about all of us and our lives, you get used to it. And a lot of times it’s also for support. I know when I was in my teenage rebel stage, my mom talked to her friends for help on how to deal with me…
like we think it’s weird now, but I think it changes once we have a family too.
but yeah, I know what you mean.
Post # 11
I know what you mean. I consider myself neutral about kids (I don’t want to fly anywhere with one but I also would not consider throwing it out of a window either). So I have a set amount of making small talk about kids that I can do before I am bored to tears. Honestly I don’t think that these people realize that they are boring because to them nothing could be more important or entertaining than their little susie getting potty trained. Maybe consider finding a different group. I have a couple of friends that have kids sometimes I think I am their only connection with the world outside of their kids so we do try to make it a point to not focus only on kids when we spend time together.
Post # 12
I have nothing constructive to add here, just a “BWAHAHAHA” at your thread title. First laugh I’ve had on a very bad day. Thanks!
Post # 13
I don’t thing there’s anything wrong with you. I feel that way too. 3 of my friends have babies. And I just don’t think I want one right now. Even though I’m already 27, I just don’t think I can deal with it yet. Yeah ok ur kid is cute, can you please take him home now so he can stop touching everything in my living room?? I think I am way too lazy and selfish to have a baby right now. I look forward to sleeping in on the weekends, and I’m VERY grumpy in the morning, not a morning person AT ALL. I hope one day I’ll want one. But I do agree that ppl with kids are boring…(not that it’s they’re fault though, and maybe only boring to us ppl without kids)
Post # 14
I find the same thing happens to people who get dogs. All they talk about is their dogs now!
Post # 15
I work with a lot of families, and I have noticed there is a predicable cycle to this pattern. For the first three years or so of being a parent the kids are adorable and it’s all parents want to talk about. Around the time the first child hits grade school, the kids start driving them a wee bit crazy (despite how much they love ’em!) and time away from Mommy Duty becomes a treat. I do think going ga-ga over being a new mommy is a natural and healthy thing – but don’t worry, it doesn’t last forever!
I do think it’s a point well taken that you need to keep an outside life! Just like I would never monopolize a conversation with my friends by talking about nothing but wedding planning!
Post # 16
There is nothing wrong with you; you will be a good parent when your time comes.
You just can’t relate to the other couples now. They’re in different seasons of their lives and you’re just not in that same season!
I’m 29, plan on having children, probably relatively soon (bc of my age). But, I don’t get all goo-goo-gaa-gaa over kids and hearing about cute things they do, etc. It’s just not relevant to me now, I suppose.