@This Time Round: SO. TRUE. And what you said really echoes a recent realization I made with my SO –
Here’s some insight from a reformed complainer – sorry about the length of this:
I’ve been with my SO for just under a year. We’re very, very different in many ways – I’ve called him my total opposite on more than one occasion. We also knew from the get-go that we were interested in a long-term relationship with marriage and kids. As such, we went through (and we’re still going through, although I think we’ve gotten past the hardest parts now) quite a transition period in trying to mesh with each other.
My friends would ask if I was still in the “honeymoon period” with my SO and I kind of realized that we never really had one. I mean, we’re all lovey-dovey, which (to our amusement :P) is irritating to friends and strangers…but I’ve had my fair share of gripes about him. We didn’t see eye-to-eye on a few things that initially REALLY concerned me.
Unfortunately, I did complain quite a bit about him to friends and family, which I’ve stopped doing thanks to a thread here, where a bee said it’s unfair for her SO if she complains a lot about him because her friends/family will never see the million little things he does for her and all the ways he makes her life better, so he’ll never be able to redeem himself in their eyes.
At one point during my “complaint period”, I was told that I/we shouldn’t have to work so hard so early in a relationship, and that things should still all be in the rosy glasses, everything’s perfect honeymoon phase.
But I came to realize that this was a gift from my SO. Because he’s not like other people – he told me straight up right at the beginning that he will not lie to me and he was going to completely be himself with me – opposites, flaws, and all. Most people start off relationships being an exaggerated best version of themselves (or a fabricated much better version of themselves) that is not sustainable long-term, and then after the honeymoon period ends – i.e. they actually revert to being themselves because being the exaggerated best is too tiring – that’s when things get difficult and a lot of work has to be done.
With my SO, he showed me his true self right away, issues surfaced right away, we’ve worked/are working on them right away…and it’s re-affirmed to me that this is the right person for me, because we really enjoy & admire each other just as we are, and whenever we’ve had conflicts, we’ve been very open and willing to resolve them.
So that’s why I’m a reformed complainer. Also, some people do it just because they enjoy complaining! 😛