(Closed) Why Do Some Couples Separate and Don't Divorce?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

It costs a lot of money to get a divorce.

Post # 3
Member
8751 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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DanaWeddingGuest :  I would assume it’s a financial decision – getting divorced can be expensive. They may also have an agreement to maintain certain benefits (for example if a family health plan is cheaper than 2 singles it might work out for them to stay on the same plan). 

Post # 4
Member
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

Health insurance etc.

Post # 5
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

My old roommate is engaged to a guy who isn’t technically legally divorced…he is a little older, and him and his wife had been seperated for a good four or five years before him and my old roommate became an item. Him and his ex wife have a daughter together (they have an informal joint custody arrangement). 

He just never had the money for all the legal stuff, and didn’t see it as a big deal until he started dating (and later got engaged to) my old roommate. Obviously he is now dealing with all the legal stuff…but there was no real NEED before then.

Post # 6
Member
3536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

A childhood friend’s parents did that.  My mom and I honestly believe it was so he had a valid excuse why he couldn’t marry his girlfriend (he was a slimball and cheated on his wife the entire time they were married).

Post # 7
Member
11428 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
DanaWeddingGuest :  lots of reasons. Warren Buffet and his wife were an example. It just works for some people. others can’t be bothered.

 

Post # 8
Member
6879 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

For some I’m sure it’s financial. 

However, my husband’s uncle did this for non-financial reasons. He and his wife separated about 20 years ago but will never get legally divorced. In fact, he still wrote her name on birthday cards and whatnot until a few years ago. The reason they won’t get divorced…religion. He believes divorce is wrong so they’ll just stay separated forever! 

Post # 9
Member
3536 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

 Oh and I almost forgot about this- DH’s parents are still married but have been seperated for over 15 years.  They are still friends, and it just makes sense financially for them to stay married.  And although they couldn’t share their lives together for various reasons, they still love each other and are their for each other when anything happens in the other’s life.

Post # 10
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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DanaWeddingGuest :  A friend’s parents never divorced because it was too expensive. They live completely different lives, no hard feelings, and they certainly do not want to be married to each other anymore, but they can’t afford to divorce. I believe the father has a longterm, live-in girlfriend and the mother also has a boyfriend, but they have no plans on remarrying anytime soon. 

I think certain couples split and they want to get the heck out of Dodge, so to say, and push forward with a divorce, while others are okay with staying legally seperated without having to go through the cost and time of a divorce.

Post # 11
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I thought of this after my other post on here:

Technically my Father-In-Law and late Mother-In-Law were seperated for a few years but never divorced. Early on in their marriage she had an affair. Father-In-Law found out and (rightfully) kicked her out. After the ‘dust settled’ they went to counseling, and started to work on things. Part of the ‘problem’ was my late Mother-In-Law was only 18 when she started dating my (then 28 year old) Father-In-Law, and got pregnant by accident shortly later. She had my Brother-In-Law at age 19….they got married when she was VERY pregnant.

My Father-In-Law ultimately decided he was ready to forgive. My late Mother-In-Law wasn’t so sure…she wanted to ‘find herself’ and ‘sort her life out’ first. So they didn’t go through with the divorce…and were in limbo for a few years…the reason being that if Mother-In-Law ultimately came back to Father-In-Law than they wouldnt have to go through the whole remarrage process. After 2 or 3 years they DID officially get back together, and it was like nothing ever happened. 

Brother-In-Law BARELY remembers the seperation, and Darling Husband (the younger brother) has no recollection at all.

Post # 12
Member
1605 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
DanaWeddingGuest :  Think it’s all about the money and problems it can cause, such as splitting it all up…etc…

In the UK people do/did this because if they are officially/legally seperated for more than a couple of years they are actually automatically divorced.

Post # 13
Member
5944 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Man, that seems like a baaaad idea. You are still tied to that person then. Tax wise. House wise. Other finance stuff wise. Guess who gets the 401K? And guess who gets to pull the plug? Yeah, bad idea. So you lose some money in a divorce. You can file the paperwork yourself as long as it’s not too complicated.

Post # 14
Member
11481 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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DanaWeddingGuest :  As an evangelical Christian who does not believe in divorce except for Biblically acceptable reasons, I can understand why some people choose this option, and I know some people who have. From a practical standpoint (taxes, etc.), I think it would be a very difficult road to travel, however.

Post # 15
Member
3896 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
DanaWeddingGuest :  My mom and stepdad have been separated longer than they were married at this point… They have minimal contact, as they had my youngest sister together so he likes to visit on occasion for her (most recently for high school graduation). Neither one wants to pay for the divorce, plain and simple. 

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