(Closed) Why do some guys buy a ring and then sit on it?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My DH and I picked out the ring, he purchased it and waited to propose until the perfect moment which was over 4 months later at a special location on a trip we had planned. I think the reason is different for everyone. I know in my situation it was never about “if” he is going to propose but more of “when” will he think will be the most special moment for the both of us.

I think a lot of men get scared with the proposal because women make it to be a huge deal which puts a lot of pressure on the person doing the proposal to do it right.

Post # 3
Member
3715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think a lot of it is probably nerves. Once they get the ring it becomes real. It’s no longer just a hypothetical situation. My husband got my ring around November but didn’t actually propose until the end of March. He said he wanted all the cliche proposal holidays to be over with so it would be more of a surprise, but he also wanted it to happen before my birthday in April. I think some of it was nerves for him too though. He was shaking like a leaf when he proposed. 

Post # 4
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t get it either, I get waiting a day or a couple of weeks if something is planned but months just seems cruel, especially if she knows it’s there. 

I, personally, would rather a less grand proposal and have it happen quicker than to wait several months or a year.

My now husband only had my ring for a few hours before he gave it to me, in the kitchen with greasy hair and ugly clothes, which I LOVED but is not for everyone. 

Post # 5
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
thumperbear :  Oh my god, my proposal was practically the same!  I was snapping green beans on the couch when he gave me my ring.  I didn’t know if it was for real or not when he proposed at the time.  We aren’t a big “spectacle” couple so I get nothing grand was done, but I kind of begrudged that it seems like everyone gets these grand proposals and I was there in my sweats.  

You’ve put it in prospective for me though!  When he bought it he knew and he followed though, and for that I’m grateful.  

Post # 6
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

View original reply
camenae :  i know my hubby wanted to wait until he finished he semester. He did it on the last day of Hanukkah <3 very special indeed! Worth the wait

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m not sure what he’s waiting for, and I like that. He tells me he’s “got a plan” and knowing him, it’ll be pretty great, so I don’t mind waiting for it, knowing it’s worth waiting for. From what I understand, it’ll just take a bit of time and money to pull everything together for this plan of his 

Post # 8
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t know. I think there’s percentage of guys who use the idea of “waiting for the perfect moment” as a stalling tactic.  Maybe they bought the ring before they were ready, maybe they thought the ring purchase would cool their GF’s jets a bit and buy them some additional time to come to terms with the idea of marriage.  

FWIW, nearly all the women I know would prefer a quiet, non-spectacle proposal.  Most would be mortified by some staged event that was in public or in front of other people.  I have a feeling a lot of guys are taking Hollywood bigscreen behavior as conventional wisdom when it comes to what women want. 

Post # 9
Member
9439 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

My Fiance bought the ring in January and proposed in July. He wanted to propose on a camping trip because he knew I would love it (and I did!) so he had to wait till summer and then we ended up not being able to go camping until July because my mom was diagnoised with a heart condition in April and there was a lot of going on with her health so he ended up not being able to do it until July. It wasn’t a big deal. I knew he had the ring and would propose. No need to freak out about it.

Post # 10
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My Fiance waited about 6 weeks from when the ring arrived. He works insane hours and waited for a weekend he had totally off so we could enjoy all weekend! I think that was about the most I could handle waiting though…

Post # 11
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

My now husband bought it three months in advance because he wanted to propose on a special anniversary, although he didn’t tell me that was the plan.  I knew when he bought the ring but didn’t know when he would propose.  It was really hard waiting, knowing he had the ring, especially when he accidently left the ring in its box out and I had to try really hard not to look at it.

 

Post # 12
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

I wonder about this, too. My husband had the ring in his possession 2 days before he proposed. I asked him about this for a guy’s perspective. He said he could see holding onto it for 2-3 months max if a special trip or occasion was coming up. Beyond that, he said that the guy ‘probably isn’t ready.’

Post # 13
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My Fiance waited a couple months because he wanted to do it during the Christmas season because it is such an important time of the year for me (Christmas has always been a huge thing in my family!).

Post # 14
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Beats me….my hubby proposed the day after picking up the ring!

Post # 15
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Relationships are a two way street so I think it’s fair to consider that the guy could be gaging his girl’s feelings as well. Of course, if a guy has a ring, we can safely assume that the couple is generally on the same page with marriage but the guy could be waiting on a specific occasion, event, or to get the final “nod” from the girl.

In my situation, I wanted to hold off on getting engaged until I graduated law school. He had the ring and was ready to go when I thought better of it and said I couldn’t possibly get engaged until after the bar exam, about three months later. THEN, after I took the bar, I wanted to wait to find out if I passed, another three months away. This is when I got the proposal.

I didn’t know that he was sitting on the ring all this time, but it wouldn’t have changed my mind. I definitely appreciate that he waited until I was in a place where I could fully bask in the excitement, rather than while I was coming upon a bunch of other new “adult” milestones as well. 

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