(Closed) Why do some people choose not to RSVP?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m one of those people who didn’t know how important it was and didn’t really understand the stress it can cause.. until I was engaged myself and now am going through the same thing. I’ve been sent 3 invitations in the mail in the past few weeks and have rsvp’d to every single one of them the day after. Sometimes people need to walk in the shoes, to fully understand that yes.. stamps are expensive when added up, so much time is put into invitations, and there’s so much stress in planning a wedding. 🙂

Post # 18
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t RSVP via card once. I know, I’m prepared for my virtual beating by the board for the sin. 🙂

The invitation was hand delivered by the groom, and I double checked my calendar while he was standing in my office. I asked him specifically if it would make it easier for his bride-to-be if I sent the card back, but that I had a college friend getting married in another state the same weekend. The groom himself told me not to bother since he’d let her know. So I totally deflect the blame!

Otherwise, I tend to be a deadline response guest. It’s just the chance to absolutely verify with the other half that we don’t have anything else going on that would conflict.

Post # 19
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

What do you ladies think of email RSVP’s?  I went to a wedding last summer where the couple included a return stamped envelope but also had the option on the invitation to send an email to an account they had set up just for RSVP’s.  The SO ended up emailing (though I like the idea of sending the card, I think it’s nice to get mail!).  I’ve never heard of anyone else doing this but I’m undecided on whether or not it gets more people to answer in a timely manner.  Sometimes forgetful people will be forgetful not matter what form they need to answer in.

Post # 20
Member
39 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@LibraryBlondie:  To your most recent post, I had an email address and phone numbers for guests to RSVP and no cards.  I still had a few guests that had to be contacted after the RSVP date.  I’m not sure if that number would have been larger if I had done the cards, but it was definitely cheaper.

In regards to guests not RSVP-ing, I can understand forgetting as life gets in the way (I’ve forgotten myself, for all kinds of events, and have apologized profusely!), but saying out-right that you aren’t going to reply because, “They know I’m coming” or “I just can’t commit” really grinds my gears!  My hubs is one of those people that doesn’t like to commit because, “What if something better comes up?”.  I still don’t understand it, and think it’s rude and disrespectful for hosts.

Post # 21
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@LibraryBlondie:  We did card and website RSVPs. People using the cards sent it back almost right away. People using the website are….slow. Convenience doesn’t matter as much as personality it seems!

Post # 22
Member
1396 posts
Bumble bee

I didn’t RSVP to one of my best friend’s weddings. I meant to but quite honestly, the RSVP card had me stumped. She was having a Destination Wedding and I had already confirmed with her that we would be there for the entire day of wedding events. But the RSVP card had events for two days before, the day before and the day after the wedding. We were still trying to figure out our travel arrangements and where we’d be staying because this wedding required a plane, car and boat to get to. I had no idea what to put on the card. I didn’t want to say yes or no to any of the extra events because I had no idea if we’d be there or not. Luckily I see her all the time and saw her at least once a week leading up to the event so she knew what we knew as soon as we knew it. If that makes sense.

In any case, I think the basic “Yes” and “No” RSVP should be sent back immediately. There’s no reason not to! It’s literally no effort. You check a box and stick it in the mail. DONE.

Post # 24
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

LOL, you didn’t happen to be at the home of one of MY guests were you?? I made personalized RSVP cards, printed at home with the full name of each invited guest and 2 check boxes, one for Attending and one for Regrets. Prestamped/preaddressed. You *literally* just had to check a box and drop it in the mail. Most came back a week or so after the deadline, while a chunk I had to track down personally.

One person didn’t respond, deleted her FB, and I have no phone number. I tried contacting her cousins to see if she was coming, and they didn’t know. I’m going to say if you decided to fall off the face of the planet, I’m going to assume you aren’t coming.

Post # 26
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This pisses me off too. I mean, I completely understand if you have a set of circumstances that is keeping you from knowing whether you can come or not. Just let me know the situation and when you’ll know by, and that’s perfectly fine! But I think most people are just super flaky. >:|

Post # 27
Member
2413 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My bridal shower is next Sunday. The RSVP date was a couple of weeks ago. Everyone but 5 people RSVP’d. My Maid/Matron of Honor even gave her phone number AND e-mail address. I facebook message the remaining girls, joking that I was told to “wrangle the troops.” I heard from all 5 girls that they would respond.

Well, days pass and now just one girl hasn’t responded…my cousins Fiance. The following day, I attended her shower (wedding is first weekend in June) and she STILL doesn’t respond.

Of all the people not to RSVP you would think that a bride who is getting married soon would realize the importance of RSVPing to events on time?!?!?!

I’m BEYOND annoyed. Especially because I attended her baby shower AND now her bridal shower. I know it’s spiteful, but if she doesn’t attend/send a gift, it’s going to alter what she gets for her damn wedding. I don’t care so much about gifts, but I think it’s a respect thing.

Post # 28
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

FI’s dad flat out told me at dinner Sunday, he wasn’t RSVP’ing because we should know he was coming, and I said well B, actually we need a count for cupcakes. B said, and I quote.. “I’ll just grab whatever cupcake I want whoevers it is will just have to deal”

I’m completely ready to not leave him a ticket into the baseball game, and when he shows up, and can’t get in, I’ll check my list and say well actually, you didn’t RSVP so we weren’t ablesave order for you.

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