Post # 1
I have an old high school friend who has been telling everyone who will listen that she is done with the drama (which started with her leaving her husband and four children, dating and committing theft with a man who is now in prison for their crime, and generally drinking and partying her life away). She swears on a stack of Bibles that she is done with that stuff (although she is dutifully waiting for her convict sweetie to get out of the clinker in 18 months) but is posting drunk and ridiculous pics all over her fb. I am really trying not to judge her, but I really just want to tell her that her kids (four of them 8 and under) need her. She just moved 2 hours away from her kids to be closer to her imprisoned love. I mean this in the most sincere way, what goes wrong in people’s life that makes them act like this? I don’t even begin to understand what she is doing. It makes me sad and I can’t help because I am so confused. Did you ever have people like this in your life and how long did it take them to stop making bad decisions? Is it possible that my friend is mentally ill? My sister in law makes horrible choices too, but she is mentally ill. Other than SIL my friend is the only person who makes such chronically poor choices.
Post # 3
Sometimes I go through my facebook newsfeed like…………….”why…what are you doing…oh god, stop that….noooo, don’t do that..Oh,man, she is back with that guy?” idk…so many of my old friends have put themselves in similar situations/drama..I don’t get either. We are 34!! We should be past all the confusion! My sister (32) does the same things…statuses on FB about how terrible her life is…how angry she is…CHANGE IT! Do something about it!
As for your friend, WHYYYYY did she move away from her kids!?!?!? I can’t imagine…maybe she feels the need to have someone in her life and she thinks it’s that guy? But still, I would never leave my kid!!
**As I log on to FB, I see my step cousin doing this exact thing…done with the drama, she says..I just want to comment, STOP IT! Change things that you don’t like! Stop complaining about it and DO it! Ugh.
Post # 4
I am 33, so I totally get what you are saying about age. We are definitely past the age where stupid choices can easily be chalked up to immaturity, learning, etc. I am really starting to wonder if she is mentally stable.
Post # 5
@MrsFuzzyFace: I understand how you feel. If she wasn’t a mom who cares what she does? But the fact is she’s a mother and has a responsibility to her children. This must be so hard for them. So sad! 🙁
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It’s called immaturity, not mental illness. There are just a lot of people in this world who need to put on their big girl panties and grow the eff up. Life isn’t about fun and instant gratification… a fact they apparently never learned.
Sorry, it’s a sore spot for me. This was Teen LK’s sperm donor to a T, and I’ve seen numerous other selfish, immature, db people that I just want to slap… hard. But anyway. I’ll hush now. 🙂
Post # 7
Idk…so many of my old friends, mostly from high school, in a certain small town….still live that way. Bad relationships, multiple marriages (I don’t mean, oh, I was married at 18, it didn’t work out, and I am remarrying..I mean one old friend is on her fourth husband..we are 34…she meets one while she is married and thinks the grass is greener..her children have had many, many step fathers…they are 13 and 9)…she has lived in about 17 rental houses (she even lived with me-she left me with a year lease of $749 a month after just two months..because she met husband #2 and ditched) and changes the kids schools often in the middle of the year..she can’t understand why the kids are misbehaving or sad…she’s just so happy with her life and love to post about it!!
Alot of the problems in the town I went to high school has to do with just not having jobs/money/stability. They see five minutes in front of them and have to make a choice..sometimes it is the wrong choice…a friend decided to stop making payments on her house, because her husband couldn’t swing the payment AND his child support from a previous marriage…so instead of her finding a job, (she was babysitting before, but the kids went to either a different school or were old enough to stay home) they left the house, rented a cheaper house, miles out of town..now her FB statuses are full of angst over the rental house is being sold, what are they going to do, they are spending crazy amounts of money on gas since they moved 15 miles out of town into the country..SIGH. Meanwhile this huge $160,000 house her Dad had built and handed over to her is sitting.
My sister makes the same choices…it’s whatever is convenient at that time, with no regard to how it will work out in the future.
It is SO hard to watch..and with facebook you ARE watching people’s lives play out.
Post # 8
Bad choices are just that – bad choices. They are sometimes made by people who never learned, who never grew up, or who plain don’t care. Just because you make bad choices doesn’t mean you’re mentally ill. There’s nothing in the DSM list of symptoms that says “Makes bad choices” as a symptom of a mental disorder. If it was, a whole lot more people who be diagnosed and labeled as mentally ill/unstable. I find this comparison to be insensitive, honestly.
Post # 9
This doesn’t really answer your question in your post but I am 34 and a single mom to a 5 and 7 year-old and there is no circumstance under which I would move 2 hours away from my kids.I think sometimes people have kids because they think it is what they are “supposed” to do and then they can’t deal with the reality of being a parent.
Post # 10
I think she was never taught the skills to cope with life so she takes the easy way out. There are a ton of people like this. It’s not mental illness.
Post # 11
I am sorry if the comparison seem insensitive. My husband’s family has quite a bit of mental illness and their lives are in fact characterized by chronic bad choices and inability to predict the consequences of their choices. When I see my friend making very similar choices, I can’t help but wonder if she is having similar issues. I am not trying to stereotype or judge, I am trying to understand why my friend has gone from married Stay-At-Home Mom to trainwreck in 1.5 years and how to help her get her life out of the ditch.
Post # 13
@MrsFuzzyFace: It could be mental illness or it might be that she never wanted the kids, the family life, etc. maybe her marriage wasn’t happy. You don’t know the full situation.
I agree that she could be mentally ill, but who knows. What made my father up and leave his dutiful wife and 2 young daughters?
Post # 14
I’d look more to her family life growing up than anything else. If she grew up in a chaotic environment with detached parents, then she’ll most likely create the same environment for herself as an adult.
That’s not to say that mental illness isn’t a factor, but there’s no way to know that just from reading this post.
Post # 15
It seems to me that those with their own share of skeletons in their closet, probably shouldn’t be so quick to judge others.
Post # 16
What on earth is that supposed to mean?! I am not judging her in the least. I am trying to figure out why my friend had gone from married stay at home mother of four to homeless, completely tattooed, alcoholic, criminal who never sees her kids in less that a year and a half. I am worried about her and if my love where enough, she would be okay. Are you being serious?