(Closed) Why do some pregnant women think there are only 2 options?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 4
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

 

@Irish-bride:  You must consider that some women may be too young or currently in school and don’t have a career so that’s not an option.  I know I didn’t have steady medical insurance from the age of 22 to 27.  Finding places that give you free pre-natal isn’t easy and the care is less than desired.  Also, if you are supporting yourself and working a part-time job or two, pregnancy may just not be an option.  To go on disability at a job that is only allowing you to make it paycheck-to-paycheck is not an option. 

There are plenty of reasons that women rule out adoption.  I know for me the idea of having a child out there in the world that I didn’t know who were raising them or how would be devastating.  I understand that there is the option of open adoption but that’s at the sole discretion of the adopting parents what type of contact you have and how often.  There are a lot of horror stories online of birth mothers no longer allowed to see their children for varies reasons.  That is an ache that won’t go away.  To give birth to a child, have a relationship with them, and have it end. 

Don’t get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful thing.  But it’s a hard decision to make that may not be right for everyone.  You are lucky if that’s the decision that is open to you but for some it just might not be. 

Post # 5
Member
8122 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Irish-bride:  Because it a choice and only the women in that situation can make that choice for herself. Sometimes it is not about not wanting a baby it is about not wanting to be pregnant at all so why would someone who felt like that want to be pregnant for 9 months.

 On top of the reasons @NovaRising:  gave if you give a child up for adoption and do not want contact there is absolutley nothing you can do if that child turns up on your doorstep looking for you well except be demonised by society as being a cold hearted b*tch when you turn them away!

Post # 6
Member
10289 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

How do you know that they’re not considering adoption? I’m sure almost everyone in that situation does at least think about it but for whatever reason they choose to go in another direction. That’s the beauty of a woman’s right to choose. Her body, her choice. That decision isn’t for anyone to judge. 

Post # 7
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

I am sure it is an option but not for them. It wouldn’t be for me.

Post # 8
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I am shocked that you would see something as personal and lifealtering a decision so black and white. You are smarter than that, I’m sure. To build off of what PP have said, there are countless reasons why a woman in an unwanted pregnancy would not want to carry he baby to term then give it up for adoption. What if the child is never adopted, and instead has to live out its life in and out of foster homes only to be kicked out on the street at 18? Is that a life you would want for your child?

Post # 9
Member
1778 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sure everyone considers it, but it’s a pretty tough option. I kind of don’t think there’s a lot of positive sides to it.  You have to be pregnant. You have to have the baby then send it away. Then it gets reeeeally complicated. Kids usually get curious about that stuff.

 

 but please would it really harm a career if you took early maternity and had your baby and gave it away if you still felt nothing for it after its birth?


Yes? Very possibly. What if you’re running your own business? What if you’re working on something with specific clientele? For me it would mean missing out on opportunities in the departments i really want to work in.

 

Oh, and how fun would it be to have everyone go up to you cooing over your baby bump? “We’re not keeping it.” “….”

 

 

I also think it’s kind of messed up to make a person you don’t even want.

Post # 10
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, when I see all the children who are already looking to be adopted, or in and out of foster homes, I don’t think adding one more child to the many who need homes is something I would want to do …

As you go through your pregnancy, you’ll also realize that it’s usually not a 9 month field trip when it comes to growing another life inside of you. It can be very hard physically and cause all sorts of health problems that would be detrimental to career, etc. Not only that, but it would be tortuous to grow a baby inside of you only to give it to somone else.

I know there are arguements on either side, but when people say, “just give it up for adoption.” It’s really frustrating. it’s like people think it would be easy peasy to give a child up, even if you weren’t ready to or didn’t want to be a mother…

Post # 11
Member
7610 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What everyone else said.  It seemed more obvious than you made it seem, to be honest.

Also “please would it really harm a career if you took early maternity and had your baby and gave it away if you still felt nothing for it after its birth?

Will you be working while you’re pregnant?  It’s not always a walk in the park.  All-day sickness, the possibility of bedrest, modified duties, and the expectation that you’ll be keeping it from every person you work with until you tell them otherwise.

And who’s to say you’ll “feel nothing for it”?

Post # 12
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I personally could never consider adoption. I could not go through another high risk pregnancy, feel my baby move multiple times a day, fall in love with a child(even though I shouldn’t), then give it away to a stranger.

Adoption is very hard. I cannot imagine what some women go through that have had to give up a baby to adoption. Wondering where your child is, how they are doing, if they will ever come find you, if they hate you. It is a more complicated scenario then just carrying a baby then out the door it goes.

Please don’t judge women just because you see it as an easy option.

Post # 13
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@urchin:  

Honestly, when I see all the children who are already looking to be adopted, or in and out of foster homes, I don’t think adding one more child to the many who need homes is something I would want to do …

This is one of my number one concerns as well. So many children go unadopted. It’s not like ou are guaranteed to find a good family to give your baby to just because you decide on adoption, and let us not forget that funding for services that take care of children waiting for adoption isn’t exactly plentiful these days.

Post # 14
Member
3627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I could never have someone else raising my child, even if it was an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. That’s 95% of why I wouldn’t consider adoption. The other 5% is that I wouldn’t want to be pregnant and give birth only to give away the baby.

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