(Closed) Why do they say to never go to bed mad at each other?

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Because if you go to bed angry they’ll come take your marriage license away. 

Just kidding. 

In my opinion, it works for some couples and not for others. We had a lot of knock-down drag-out fights just from being overtired this way. I mean, we argued about ridiculous things just because I hadn’t slept more than 4 hours a night in the past two weeks and so I was being a total bitch. 

Now, if we have an argument before we go to bed, we make an extra effort to show some affection, even if it’s not resolved. That might mean cuddling while falling asleep, or just a long hug. But it works. 

Post # 33
2304 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I always thought it was becuase there was a chance your SO wouldn’t wake up in the morning and the last thing you guys did was fight. BUT, I have read that sometimes it is best to go to bed mad so that you can sleep on it and wake up refreshed with a clear mind to work it out

Post # 34
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m not entirely sure the reason for it, but I know that when me and Fiance fight before bed and then its not talked out before I go to sleep, I feel really bad and I’m just not happy and I’ll usually end up sending him a text saying that I’m sorry and that I love him.  He doesn’t like to end a conversation angry at each other either.

Post # 35
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think the reason is so that you don’t wake up and start a new day upset with one another. It really sucks to wake up knowing that there are unresolved issues, KWIM?

But, we often go to bed after an argument and wake up perfectly fine. My SO actually needs that time to like cool off, so I don’t think it applies to everyone.

Post # 36
141 posts
Blushing bee

I HATE this saying, because it’s simply bad advice.  When we moved in together I NEVER wanted to go to bed angry and we had quite a few nights where neither of us got very much sleep and nothing got solved.  When you’re both exhausted you start to just go in circles, half the time you’re not even arguing about the right thing anymore.  Then you are both exhausted and grumpy the next day.  I was so happy when I saw this article http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22403232/  It makes so much more sense to get a good night’s sleep and then discuss it the next day, even if it means opening the discussion back up.  Sometimes, after a good night’s sleep, you’ll find it’s not really worth arguing though.


Post # 37
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have learned to let things go and get a good night’s rest.  Sometimes, if it was something small (the argument) then it is a good idea to let it go.  Often we forget by morning.  If it is heavy or serious, I try to work it out so that we are not going off in the morning to our separate lives/jobs with anything between us.  Life is so short.  Also, I get bad dreams if a serious issue is not worked out.  If it is something small though, no worries.  😉

Post # 38
5259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

However, since you are close, you know that it will be ok.  Remember that.  😉

Post # 39
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Something must have been going on in the universe last night because me and my hubby got into it right before bed too! I absolutely cannot sleep good at all if an argument isn’t at least most of the way resolved and I’m in somewhat of a calmed-down state. Otherwise, I just lay there and stew in my anger, and if I hear him drifting off to sleep it makes it worse LOL! So, um, yeah… For me, things have to be resolved beforehand.

I second what miss-spunkin said about that saying probably originating from the Bible, at least that’s what I always think of when I hear it. 

I hope everything worked out ok!

Post # 40
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@eqb, throwing it out does not mean we never consider it, but chose to abide by or ignore “never go to bed angry” as suits our situations.  I get very emotional very fast, and when I’m tired those emotions are likely to spin out of control.  It’s not a fair fight if I can’t communicate, so for us this is a rule that we tend to ignore, as it doesn’t work for us.  For small things, I can let them go and we kiss and make up, But for bigger issues?  Going to bed angry is one of the smartest choices we can make as a couple.  Our minister understands communication issues very well, which is why he said to ‘throw it out’, as it’s not a hard and fast rule to be obeyed all the time, but something to consider and strive for, but with the understanding that it’s not always realistic.

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