Why do they torture us with the ridiculous waiting game?

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 46
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

sunburn :  I lived with my ex-SO. My proposal went from in the next three months….to in 6 months….I want it to be a surprise……to OMG PhillyGirl93 stop asking you’re ruining the process!

I learned nothing new about him that I couldn’t have learned from a few sleepovers. We were a great pair and team, our home was awesome. But he got so comfortable and lazy when I moved in, that I’m quite sure I would’ve had to pull teeth to get a proposal. Never ever ever ever ever living with a partner before marriage again. I’m willing to have a few sleepovers but nothing more.

Post # 47
Member
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

I respect that.  It’s not for everyone, but I don’t think women who do it are cop outs. Granted anyone who is proposing should already know the answer will be yes.  Because discussing your mutual future is healthy. If I was sick of waiting though (so sick of it that I was miserable), I would absolutely propose to him (something simple) and get the solid yes or no so I could move on.  You have a valid point though about doing the work for him.  You definitely don’t want to marry that guy.  phillygirl93 :  

Post # 48
Member
4312 posts
Honey bee

phillygirl93 :  You’ve come out of your situation a much stronger person than you were before. This actually improves your chances of finding a worthwhile partner. 

Always make them work for it. It’s the nature of human beings not to value what we get for free. Others may disagree but I know this in my (outdated lol) bones. 

Post # 50
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

phillygirl93 :  How is it fair that the man is expected to do more work than the woman by buying a ring and proposing? A relationship is a collaborative effort that is based on the wants and the needs of the two partners. In their case, it seems established that it is meaningful to her she is proposed to, and that’s fineq. But it’s also fine if a couple decided for the woman to propose, or whichever partner decides to if they are the same gender. 

I think if she did decide to propose, or anyone else, she could ask, “how would you feel if I proposed to you?” to gauge his reaction/potential reluctance. I did this with my boyfriend, and he replied, “I would say yes, but I have a great idea for a proposal and would prefer to propose.” 

Post # 51
Member
607 posts
Busy bee

As a person who proposed to my husband. Here, here! The gender norms people put on these things are crazy. If you think your partner would be angry if you proposed it isn’t because he cares so much about proposing…..it’s because he felt he could do better or doesn’t think you are right long term, st least st this point. moissamight :  

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