(Closed) Why do we get offended when men don't think fat is attractive?

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

Not all men want thin, not all men want fat. They all have different tastes, much as women do.

Post # 4
Member
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

@MrsFuzzyFace:  “This kind of seems like if men started not shaving, smelling horrible, not brushing their teeth and wondered why they were not having women falling all over them.”

Um no, it’s not like that at all.

Post # 5
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Is he more attracted to her now that she’s thinner, or is it just that she’s different?  If I dyed my hair red and my husband was suddenly more interested, does that mean he likes redheads more than blondes, or is it that there is something suddenly different about me?  

Post # 6
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s probably because we hope our SOs love us for who we are, not what we look like (which is often not controllable). 

However, I’m glad my fiance compliments me and tells me he’s attacted to me when I lose weight. It motivates me to stay healthy. I think that’s a separate issue from women expecting men to love them regardless of how they look, though.

Post # 8
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

A guy is going to love woman who takes care of her body- and usually, taking care of means being healthy, working out, and being able to do physical activity, all of which lead to being fit and trim. Sitting on the couch on a beautiful day out I wouldn’t think would be attractive. A girl on my facebook had a “I have curves so my hubby has a place to put his hands” post. Uh, no, he has somewhere to put his hands because all they do is stay in and eat like junk together and can never keep up when we try going to a park or something. I feel like this post will get alot of flack, but you get what you put in. I think there are alot of gorgeous bigger girls, but this is more aimmed towards unhealthy. Women need to take some sort of accountability for their shape and can’t expect a guy to think she is amazing “as is” if as is is unhealthy. Like, potentially this could be his childrens mother. I could go on… lol

Post # 9
Member
5011 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

Mine complains when I want to lose weight. He says he likes me as I am. 

Post # 10
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

mine also complains when i lose weight. but did your friend make significant lifestyle choices along with the weight loss? maybe she is wearing more revealing clothes, happier because she is exercising & not sitting on the couch, etc. These things too can contribute to someone being attractive, IMO

Post # 12
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Exactly- I mean, guys, picky creatures that they are, don’t like skin and bones either! and hey, then there are naturally tiny girls… The key is to be healthy in the body you got!

Post # 13
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@SpecialSundae:  I agree. 

I think it depends on the situation a great deal. For example, when Darling Husband and I met we were both very active and fit. He has a type (like most men and women do) and I was it. He’s never made it a secret that he would not like for me to gain a significant amount of weight (20-30+lbs heavier than I am now, which is 10-15lbs heavier than I was then), so I wouldn’t be upset/offended if I did gain this weight and he wasn’t happy about it (I would definitely be upset about the gain, but not at him). I’m about 10-15lbs heavier than I was (which I’m working to lose right now), but he doesn’t mind it at all (frankly, he thinks the level of upset I am about it is nuts).

He’s said that he would still love and want to be with me, but he would be less physically attracted to me if I were to gain a significant amount of weight. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it in this case because he was upfront, and I knew from the beginning (plus he isn’t being malicious or saying he would leave). Honestly, I would rather he be honest with me about this (just like I want him to be honest about all his feelings). 

Post # 14
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Whoops, read wrong again! ha
 

Post # 15
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

I can see that. Men and women both have their ideas of visually arousing or personally aestetically pleasing. I LOVE my guy but if he put on 50-100 lbs? Yeah, I wouldn’t be as physically attracted to him. I’d still love him all the same but he wouldn’t visually stimulate me. He’s slightly overweight as it is and it’s absolutely fine. But that kind of weight gain for me would be indicative of him letting himself go. And he’d feel the same way if I were the one who gained weight. 

I think women are beautiful at any size but that doesn’t mean someone has to be sexually attracted to a person of any size. I think it’s a little unfair for her to be angry at her husband for her husband finding her even more attractive now. He could have been expressing his attraction as positive reinforcement. He could have been complementing her accomplishment. He could love the fact that she’s healthier and she’s showing she loves herself and that including her physical appearance could be attractive to him. She could have had a mental or spiritual change. These are all good things and I think she’s making a moutain out of a mole hill.

Post # 16
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Probably because the sort of men who gets up in arms about a small to moderate weight gain/being “chubby” or “curvy” (which, granted, is something most of us can help) is the same sort of men who will leave if the woman gets 10 or 20 years older (which NONE of us can help.)

And yeah. A lot of these men aren’t exactly “prizes” themselves. I think the anger occurs over the double standard, and the anti-feminist assumptions inherent in the fact that no matter what a woman does, she has to look pretty doing it. (For proof, see the recent kerfuffle when Hillary Clinton went out without makeup. She’s got a job that is in NO WAY dependent on her being hot. But even though she’s helping run a world power, and she’s what, 60 now? She’s still expected to look great at all times. Have you ever seen a similar article about Obama or Leon Panetta forgetting to shave? Pretty sure they don’t exist.)

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