(Closed) Why do we get offended when men don't think fat is attractive?

posted 9 years ago in Wellness
Post # 62
Member
9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Cady:  I couldn’t think of a good 6 pack example LOL

Post # 63
Member
367 posts
Helper bee

I just have to say that I think this is one of the most thought-provoking threads I’ve read on Weddingbee. Thanks to all of you ladies for your thoughtful and personal responses.

Post # 64
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4883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@KatyElle:  But to play a little devil’s advocate, which is my favorite game to play:  what if your husband decided that that was who HE wanted to be and started waxing, going to the gym, etc?  Would you still find him attractive or would you be pissed and feel like he pulled a bait & switch?

Post # 65
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9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@KristenGotMarried:  That’s a fair question, but like I said before if it’s your spouse, hopefully you find them attractive on multiple levels for endless reasons. So I’m not looking at it so much as a bait and switch issue, I’m more looking at people’s generalization that “Men want a thin wife, if your man started turning into Brad Pitt you’d LOVE it!”

Does that make sense? If he decided one day he wants a tan and a 6 pack it would for sure he different but I can’t say I wouldn’t find him attractive anymore. After so many years of marriage and kids, looks aren’t in the dealbreaker category anymore.

Post # 67
Member
2285 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Body size preference is just that, a preference. If a couple is together and one person goes through significant weight gain/loss then it can possibly have an effect on their relationship or sex life. For some couples it may even be a deal breaker. I’m a size 18 and I have been for my entire relationship with my FH and he wouldn’t have it any other way. If I said I wanted to lose weight he would support me. If I gained 50 pounds it might strain our relationship, but being plus size in and of itself does not make us less in love or make our sex lives less amazing. Being attracted to your spouse is very important for your relationship, but physcial looks are a small portion of attraction.

Post # 68
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9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@MrsFuzzyFace:  Thanks! And no, it’s fine. I own that a lot of it is still the seemingly never ending process of healing from what was an abusive relationship. It also admittedly annoys me that so many of my guy friends seem to think they deserve 105 pound young Pamela Anderson look alikes when they are not exactly holding themselves to the same standards. I don’t think your friend’s husband had bad intentions, but full figured ladies definitely get a very raw deal from all sides.

Post # 69
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3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Vidya:  I agree with everything you’ve said here.

 

Post # 70
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2892 posts
Sugar bee

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@Vidya:  I agree with all of that. You made perfect sense. 🙂

Post # 71
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think that what’s upsetting your friend about her husband’s increased attraction to her is that it probably feels purely superficial to her.  That inside she’s the same person, but that because she’s changed the outside, he’s more attracted and that’s what hurts, the idea that the inside isn’t as important.

What your friend may not be taking into account is that perhaps she’s exuding more confidence since her weight loss and that it’s part of what’s turning her husband on.  Although it by no means negates that her husband ought to make her feel that he values her inside as well or he’s setting up a lot of negativity that could push her into gaining the weight back, partially or completely.

Any time a person in a couple has significant weight loss or gain, there can be a lot of intense emotions that arise for both of them.  It’s a really hard and sensitive subject to talk about, but it’s better to talk about it and make sure that there is emotional validation, imho. 

Post # 72
Member
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t read all the responses, but I might be upset with my husband too depending on the circumstances.

Say, he married her and she was 160 lbs. Then let’s say she lost 30 pounds and all of a sudden he’s more into her. Then yes, I would be a little peeved as opposed to if she let herself gain weight then shed it off after a lifestyle change or something during the course of their relationship. But I woudn’t be pissed at him either way.

That probably doesn’t make any sense.

 

Also, this reminds me of some actress (I can’t remember her name?) She lost a lot of weight and was getting a ton of good press about it and it came out later that she had an eating disorder, but the whole “thin=good” thing outweighed the health factor. So she was getting appluaded for hurting her body. Theoretically this wife could be losing weight in a way that hurts her and her husband responding so positively to it could be making her angry, ya know? Not that that’s what’s happening, I’m just blabbing.

Of course, I’m crazy sensitive about my weight because I’ve gained a solid 25/30 pounds since I’ve met Fiance and had our babies and am having a b*tch-a$$ time trying to get rid of it.

 

 

Post # 73
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think this is always the case… My brother liked when my SIL kept some weight on for a time after pregnancy #1 because it gave her a nice butt haha 🙂 And my recent weight gain has upped my boob size (normally a 36D, now DD’s are getting too small! crazy!), so obviously DH likes that haha 🙂

Post # 74
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

You do know that there are women will health issues that make it hard to lose weight or keep it off right? Alao there are some people with health issues that cause then to be So weak that they can’t get out. I am so thankful that while I am dealing with my health issues and trying to get better that my DH loves me at any weight. This post was incredibly rude and offensive

Post # 75
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@miss sparkly cat:   I’m sorry about your health issues. I don’t think OP was talking about that though, and I’m sure she didn’t mean to be offensive.

I was thinner when Fiance and I started dating. He likes my new big boobs, but I’m sure he’d prefer that I was thinner. I’m not offended – I let myself go in college! We’re both working out more and eating healthier.

Post # 76
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The effect of extra weight increases with age and will limit all activity.  I was walking with a woman who is 15 years younger and 40+ lbs heavier than I am.  We were just going up a couple flights of stairs and down a hall, yet her breathing was audible and labored.  For me it was nothing, but I exercise.  Additionally this woman has begun to experience heart palpitations/dysrhythmia. Scary.

I feel much better about myself when I exercise and watch what I eat.  Feeling better about yourself = better sex, since the brain is the most important sex organ.  Most women go up and down the scale a few lbs and men don’t notice and it’s no big deal.  [comment moderated for TOS violation]

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