(Closed) Why do we get offended when men don't think fat is attractive?

posted 9 years ago in Wellness
Post # 92
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Well my mom said to me today that ” it’s a good thing that you started exercising . If you had gotten any fatter fi might have left you.” 

That is the mind set that I have grown up with my entire life. My little brotfeels actually scared to bring a bigger girl home because of my mom. So he actively looks for a girl that is little in the middle. I fully think that it’s a culture thing, that is reinforced at home. 

Fi doesn’t actually care if I weigh 120 or 220. All be cares is that I am healthy and happy with the way I look.   He told me that he has no idea what I weigh, or what my clothing size is, and that untill I started pointing out that I was gaining weight he actually had no idea .  When I am confident my body that is what he finds sexy, not the size of my pants or the number oN the scale. If I lose weight it will be for me, and me alone.

Eta: I should also note that it was depression that caused my weight gain , and not actually any bad eating habits. Depression= no motivation = no exercise.  Even a balanced diet can cause weight gain, so its not nessacarly lazyness or bad food choices. 

Post # 93
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Natalieh86:   I unfortunately agree.

Post # 94
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@doberman:  I don’t think this intention of this thread was to discuss why being fat is bad for your health, nor was it about the impact on how content you are with yourself or your sex life.  Which by the way, you are incorrect with regards to all of the above.

I hate to break it you, but there are fat people all over the world that have great sex, every single day.  Hot, sweaty, feral, mind blowingly amazing sex.  I’m fat.  I have the BEST sex of my life with my Fiance.  You know why?  Because I am happy, confident, beautiful and in love.  Not to mention, he worships every inch of my fat body. 

Post # 95
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@MrsBlueSeptember:  Actually, I read an article that said women who are classified overweight tend to rate their sex life higher than their thin counterparts. Go figure! Honestly, that article was probably bull (what does it really have to do with your enjoyment of sex?), but at least it would prove that being thin does not necessarily make your sex life more enjoyable!

Post # 96
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@les105:  I read that one too.  It may be true.  I know it is for me! 

Post # 97
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well I am very sorry that I offended people.  (And it’s Mrs. Doberman, not Miss.)  I’ve been pregnant twice, many many years ago.  Yes, your body changes to a certain extent, but it is quite possible to get back in fighting trim within 6 – 18 months, particularly if you nurse and stay active – and young children will keep you active. Personally I think that I was in the best shape of my life after I had both my children.  And pregnancy is one thing, but as you age, your metabolism slows and it becomes harder to take off weight.  Believe me, I am well aware of issues that make losing weight difficult; my daughter has PCOS and has to work harder than most to keep her weight under control and to stay in shape.  But she does, because it is critical for her health.  Her appearance is secondary, which was the point I was trying to make in my previous post. 

My best friend used to weigh 100 lbs more than she does now and she is probably the most health conscious, physically active person I know.   I showed her my post and she agreed and was baffled at the uproar.  We have both had the experience of caring for people who are limited by their excess weight and the attendant issues it may cause, such as diabetes, joint issues, etc.  I have had the experience of being 20+ lbs overweight and I didn’t like how I felt at all.  My husband says he was attracted to me, but I wasn’t attracted to *myself* and I think that impacts sex.

YMMV, I am not “judging” anyone, to each his/her own.  Again, my apologies for offending people.  Bowing out.

Post # 98
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think all men have different preferences. I’m sure some guys prefer absolutely rail thin, while others prefer more “toned” bodies, and others prefer more curvy, etc. There are SO many different body types and men are attracted to all different points on the spectrum. I’d also like to point out that just being overweight does not mean you don’t take care of yourself. I know lots of women who are technically “overweight” yet have a very nice shape and are extremely attractive. I think it’s wrong to hold ourselves to such tight standards. And just my opinion… there is an enormous difference between being overweight and obese. I think most people would agree that being obese is not attractive.. but that’s totally different than being overweight. I knew one woman who actually got weight loss surgery because she was so insecure with her weight.. and honestly I thought she looked great before the surgery. I think men might find women more attractive after they lose weight just simply because the women are acting more confident. If you think you look good, you act differently than if you think you look bad. If you’re unhappy with your weight and you think you’re unattractive, you’re not projecting the same amount of confidence and men pick up on that.

Post # 99
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@pecanpie:  “And just my opinion… there is an enormous difference between being overweight and obese. I think most people would agree that being obese is not attractive.. but that’s totally different than being overweight.”

Disagree.  Not only is there not a great gap between being clinically overweight and clinically obese (the NIH defines obesity as a BMI 30 and over, so a 5’5 women who is 180 is obese) but this is still just an example of creating a spectrum from “slightly fat” to “zomg, waaay too fat” that is both unfair, but vague and unnessecary. And assuming most people find a certain body type to be un/attractive is presumptious.

Post # 100
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

the following is what i think. it is not backed up by any studies or anything… only by my observance of life as i see it around me.

 

 

you don’t always get to choose what you find to be attractive. sure, you can always find beauty in something/someone if you look for it, but that’s not the same thing as attraction.

there is… in everyone’s mind… a perfect body for the opposite sex. this perfect body is not the same for everyone. this is why they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. then there is a certain amount of leeway for what you find physically attractive.

 

ugly |


perfect


| ugly

 

the more visual a person is, the more narrow the leeway is. FI’s leeway is pretty narrow compared to mine, and i know i’m in the 75% range if you look at it left to right. that’s fine.

Post # 101
Member
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I completely agree that tastes and beauty are extremely subjective.

Some love bigger women while some love the model-thin women. And then, there’s the in-between.

While I believe that beauty can be found in all shapes and sizes, I do believe that being overweight/obese can lead to some serious problems such as diabetes (typeII), high-blood pressure, heart failure, etc. 

Yet, I am the first to agree that weight-loss is an extremely emotional journey, and for some of us it can be extremely difficult. And then, some may not be interested in loosing any weight, and that’s ok. 

My point is, be the size you are comfortable at. Be the size you want to be at, without making yourself sick. If you decide you wan to lose weight, do it in a healthful way (both phisically AND mentally). 

 

Post # 103
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@MrsFuzzyFace:  I feel the same way about how it’s okay for them to say you’re more attractive when you’ve gained weight but not say it when you’ve lost weight.

Post # 104
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@MrsFuzzyFace:  Because women get shamed for being “fat / nasty / lazy unkempt” all the time. No one gives a shit about curly vs. straight hair. People do not wrongfully perceive those with curly hair as “lazy / disgusting / dirty.”  Sad reality is that people jump to conclusions and think people with extra weight are always lazy slobs. Not so. That’s hurtful.

Post # 106
Member
9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Hair vs. weight isn’t a fair comparison. Pretty much no one makes an assumption about someone because they have curly hair or straight hair. It has become very commonplace and accepted, even encouraged, to subject people with weight struggles to open criticism and ridicule. Overweight people are discarded by society more often than not, with the assumption being that they are lazy, don’t take care of themselves, are gluttonous, ignore their hygiene. I could go on.

Men can voice whatever preference they so wish, but it’s one thing to say “I prefer a certain type of woman” and another to walk around wearing a tee shirt that says NO FAT CHICKS or shout “FATASS!” out of a moving car.

 

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