(Closed) Why do we get offended when men don't think fat is attractive?

posted 9 years ago in Wellness
Post # 107
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@MrsFuzzyFace:  They can choose to say something less obnoxious, but many do not. Example: I had a friend coming from the gym just last week. She was walking out, and a man in a truck yelled, “fat ass! go back inside!” as he threw a soda can at her. Horrible, horrible, horrible. 

Another friend of mine several years ago overheard a group of men talking about her, “She ate one too many cookies. That girl is nasty.” 

With shit like this floating around, men ought to keep that to themselves. If they can voice their preferences without making other people feel like second class citizens, that’s not so bad. But this is years and years of ill-will towards the bigger community piling up and making them feel like social rejects. There has to be a “cleansing and acceptance” before you can just openly come out and say “I don’t prefer this category of people” because the crap people go through STILL from day to day is obscene.

Post # 108
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423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@MrsFuzzyFace:  A-effin-men. We ALL have sexual preferences visual or not, and it is unfortunate for some women that some men may not find you attractive because of weight issues. You cannot simply say that this person is a bad person for having such preferences. They just like what they like, and perhaps it’s not you. It’s not your issue that they are shallow or have a preference on this certain issue. This does not make you less worthy of love, appreciation or great sex, but it does mean you need to find someone who appreciates you for you, AND that the person with a preference is just being honest and shouldn’t be condemned for feeling a certain way. 

 

ETA: ANyone who does have a preference on visual or physical attributes SHOULD present those preferences in a polite/honest manner that is as non-offensive as possible. I understand that some people/men are d-bags, but it doesn’t mean that everyone with a sexual/physical preference is going to be a d-bag about it. 

Post # 109
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1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@StuporDuck:  That is HORRIBLE! Reading that made me sad 🙁 I don’t understand how people can be so mean

Post # 110
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4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@KatyElle:  Nuts. I must have been typing my soliloquy when you responded. Once again, you snatched the thoughts from my head.

Post # 112
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10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@StuporDuck:  I’m so sorry for your friend. Thats horrible. What makes these people think that they have the right to judge a complete stranger in such an offensive way? Those “men” don’t even deserve that title. Prepubescent boys would be more like it. Seriously, my teenage male cousins are more mature. 

OP: I agree with the PP’s. You can’t possibly compare hair to weight. Frankly, that’s just ridiculous. I’ve never once been offended by someone not liking my curly hair but you bet your ass that if they make a derogatory comment about my weight, I will rage. 

We all have difference preferences so trying to paint some false picture that everyone wants someone lean and mean couldn’t be further from the truth. My husband happens to find women who are incredibly thin to be unattractive. Does he go around telling them to eat a hamburger? Of course not, because that would be rude. He just wouldn’t seek out someone with those characteristics. 

Post # 113
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9815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@StuporDuck:  I hear ya!

Like for instance one of my guy friends on FB. Normally a very nice guy, but he definitely has a mean streak against bigger girls. I don’t know why he thinks this is ok to voice constantly on his page, but it pisses me off like no other to the point where I just hid his news feed. He’s easily 250+ pounds, a smoker, and works a minimum wage job. Now he’s a perfectly good class of people, but it makes me think “Where do you get off speaking about women this way?!” He always talks about how there are no good women anywhere and has been single for the past 6 years. 

75% of all his updates are things like “If your ass resembles an english muffin you have no business wearing skinny jeans” and “All the women in this bar have bigger guts than I do, when did women stop taking pride in their appearance?”

OK, I get having preferences and all but some men really need to know when to shut the fuck up. There is a line that is crossed more often than not with plus sized ladies and I’m sorry, you just don’t see it as much with any other category of woman. You just don’t.

Post # 114
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

There are cultures outside the US where a heavyset wife is quite desirable as it’s considered a symbol of a man’s wealth. These are generally poor societies where most folks do not get enough to eat; to have enough so that you get fat means you’re truly wealthy, often from a prominent family. The extreme negative connotations associated with weight are purely societal. If you look at the paintings by Rubens from the 1600’s, you’ll see the plus-sized female form as a thing of beauty, to be admired, again from an era when many folks were poor and starving. I’ve read somewhere (sadly I can’t remember where) that there’s an inverse correlation between perception of beauty based on weight, and wealth of the society: in times of plenty, people admire thinner bodies (mainly female but applies to male too), and in times of poverty, the “ideal” woman’s body is a fuller, curvier, one (and probably considered “fat” to some).

I don’t disagree that “you like what you like.” I just think that the “time of plenty” has lasted so long with the current society that the standard of beauty has gone from thin to thinner to skeletal (at least on magazines), and that many big industries rely on this unattainable standard of beauty to keep them in business. I’m not sure where the actual hate of fat people is coming from; maybe it’s just plain meanness, or wanting to feel like you’re better than someone else, but it’s considered socially acceptable. It makes sense that women grow up hating their own bodies in an atmosphere like that! And that’s where the outrage comes from. When a man says “you’re too fat to be attractive to me,” it’s the same put-down you’ve been hearing for years, even from yourself, and it brings back every tease, taunt, and insult you’ve ever received. And men it’s okay because not only does society accept/allow it, but they’re “just being honest.”

As for the comparison to hair… It really isn’t the same thing but that’s just because society says it’s not the same thing. I’ve known African-American women who’ve had skin bleaching treatments because some in society said they were “too dark.” I am not trying to compare race to weight, just giving an example of the extreme (and extremely shallow) views that some in society have, and the extremes to which some women will go to get away from all those negatives.

Post # 115
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ve gained 40lbs since FH and I first met in 2008 and we openly discuss my weight gain – he’s gained 10lbs, probably too. He wouldn’t ever stop loving me for the way I look, but we are both honest about the fact that I used to be a lot more attractive. I don’t begrudge him that at all, and I look forward to being “hot” again for a lot of reasons, mostly so that I can wear cute clothes and look really good in them.

Excuses: I was in a car accident in 2009 that left me with chronic neck, back, and hip pain and an SI joint that refuses to heal. I used to exercise daily and maintain activity to stay in shape, but literally everything hurts so I’m much less active than I used to be…I went for a 30 minute walk tonight and now I’m laying down because my back hurts so much. Plus, I gained 55lbs with DD, 20 of which I’m still holding onto. I nursed for 13 months, btw – its no magic bullet.

Long story short, I don’t expect FH to think I’m hot when I’m not, but I do expect him to love me either way.

Post # 116
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I guess your friend wants her husband to love her for who she is not how she looks.  However, it’s not about love right?  The world attractive is not “love.”  I think it’s normal to attract to what you think as your ideal…  What I mean is, some guys like slim girls some guys don’t.  My Fiance is very attracted to me because I’m very slim and petite and that’s how he wants a woman on his side to look like.  Some guys find full figure women are very attractive and would find me too slim or too small for them. 

However, I do think everybody men or women should take care of themselves.  Eat healthy food, exercise often (or at least when you can), care of others, and think positively about life then we all will be beautiful inside and out!

Post # 117
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

It’s a confidence thing, right? She’s more confident now that she’s lost weight. Good self-esteem ranks pretty high on the attraction meter.

Post # 118
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s probably mainly only because she wished he would’ve been attracted to her the same amount either way. Losing weight is supposed to be primarily for yourself, not to make your husband more attracted to you (and he may partly just be more attracted because she’s feeling more attractive.) I am working on losing weight right now, but I don’t think my Fiance would prefer me one way or the other.

And technically, men tend to like curves more than they like extremely thin. I’m not talking about obesity. Just normal, healthy, “I don’t mind eating dessert once in awhile,” curves. It is in their nature to like a little bit of “meat” on a woman. Years ago, women with their ribs and spines sticking out would’ve been considered unhealthy and not attractive at all..and I think that mentality is still in there somewhere 🙂 I know this isn’t really what you were talking about..and I don’t know how much weight you’re talking about when you are referring to your friend’s weight loss..but anyway, I just think it’s kind of interesting I guess that women seem to think men want them to be stick thin.

 

Post # 119
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@KatyElle:  I’m sorry for the statement I am about to make..but I really want to punch your friend in the face. Hypocrites are one of my biggest pet peeves.

Post # 120
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

:/

 

Post # 121
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4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

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@xlittlemissbridex:  

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@KatyElle:  

Also kind of want to punch that guy in the face. 

That’s the problem here, and why people get so touchy about it. The nasty attitude and the double standard for women to be a certain way. It objectifies them, and says to them that they have to look amazing all the time, FOR the man. And if a woman doesn’t meet that standard, she’s worthless. 

Getting too tired to further defend my position, but there are so many ways society runs that is disappointing. 

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