(Closed) Why do we get offended when men don't think fat is attractive?

posted 9 years ago in Wellness
Post # 122
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Well my DH just blew me away and I thought I would share. After reading the posts I missed this evening I sat down and asked him about this topic.

As I mentioned earlier I put on weight and lost a great deal of weight in the nearly seven years we’ve been together. I thought I knew what he was thinking… I was wrong.

My DH said this…”it is about the package, not just the appearance. I wouldn’t say I’m more attracted or less attracted after because I was attracted to you then and am now, I don’t look at the weight or the loss as a seperate thing.” He went on to say that “losing weight AND gaining weight is a drastic change and neither should affect the level of the attraction.” Finally he went on to say that the only thing he could see as a factor would be the level of confidence because we all know “confidence is sexy.” For me personally I have always been confident so it wasn’t a factor in our relationship but perhaps for other ladies it would increase after weight loss.


So there it is from a man’s perspective. I do believe he was being honest considering we are pretty frank with each other and I’m not easily insulted.


Post # 123
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

All I can say is that I have known a lot of nasty, evil, self absorbed people who have been what society would deem thin and attractive. I have also known a lot of lovely, funny, confident people who have been what society would deem overweight, lazy and unhealthy. I have also known a lot of nasty, evil, self absorbed people who have been what society would deem overweight, lazy and unhealthy. I have also known a lot of lovely, funny, confident people who have been what society would deem thin and attractive. All I can say the ones I am attracted to normally fit in the lovely, funny, confident people category.

Weight is just a number and the women weight hate will only stop if us women stop perpetuating the horrible mindset of thin = good/better. Stop buying the magazines that blast Miley for gaining 5lbs, that only feature rail think models and which perpetuate the hate. Stop buying clothes from the brands that only make clothing to fit rail thin models and only use rail thin models in their advertising (I mean even the plus size clothing stores normally use the smallest sized plus-sized model they can find!).

Until we as women demand change then the horrible stereotypes and discrimination and hate will continue.


Post # 124
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

There are some really good points from all sides of this, but I just wanted to say that not every woman wants to be thin and beautiful for her man. I want to be at a healthy weight because I feel and look better for ME. So imo it isn’t all about what society thinks, although I definitely agree society places pressure on women to be attractive (and usually in a one size fits all way).

Post # 127
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I admit that being very overweight has health implications, though I find it odd that the thin counterpart is never brought up. Being too thin can cause heart problems, metabolic disturbances, hair on the face,  and many other undesirable things. But no one brings that up when they’re talking about being too fat causing diabetes, heart disease, etc. I just find that interesting. Either taken to an extreme is very unhealthy.

Post # 128
1074 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@EffieTrinket:  I think it’s mostly because being overweight is much more common than being underweight. But I’m sure there is some thin=good no matter what attitude going on too. 

Post # 129
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I lost 25kgs or 55 pounds 4 years ago.

I can say having been someone who has been very chubby and then someone who was really thin, that in my instance i was treated very differntly by everyone including my dh.ot saying they treated me terribly before, but they treated me differently, its hard to explain as the difference is subtle.

Now I imagine a lot of this has to do with the self confidence I exuded too, but a great deal of it comes down to how society dictates what the perfect looking woman should be. The way people treated me was completely different, famly, friends, work everyone. Obviously it is not right but it is life. I am now 9 months pregnant and am almost back to my highest ever weight (with baby inside) but still I know I have gained  enough weight that even after birth I may be overweight, even though i did bootcamp up untill 37 weeks and still run and do PT at 38.5 weeks.

I am terrified, I have learnt enough good eating habbits and have a strong enough exercise routine that hopefully I can loose it, but i am still terrified, cause I know how differently I personally was treated by everyone in my life when I weighed more. 

Post # 130
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Maybe she’s acting more self confident now that she has lost the weight and that is actually what he’s attracted to, not nessisarily the weight loss itself.

Post # 131
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Treejewel19:  That’s similar to how my SO feels. I think it’s just an added bonus to an SO if they’re SO sways more to the side they usually find attractive. To say now they are more attractive is kind of mean but that is just my opinion, it doesn’t apply to everyone situations. 

Post # 132
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s a cultural thing. If you grow up being bombarded with images showing that anorexic women are attractive, your sexuality may be affected differently than if you grow up in a culture that reveres largest curves. 

Post # 133
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Society has a huge influence on how women perceive ourselves, no doubt. Women easily notice the slightest change in their bodies, whereas men could miss out on our weight gain until it’s been 20 pounds or more. Which honestly, I’m thankful for, because if my SO was as attentive to my body changes and critical as I was, I’d be miserable!

However, everyone does have their own preferences. In my relationship, fitness is important to us, and we tend to like athletic body types. Like a PP said way back in this thread, if either of us gained a considerable amount of weight, we would gently say something about it, then team up with them to work it off. We’ve agreed on that as a couple. One, for health reasons, and two, because we know that it can affect individual self-esteem and ultimately our relationship (I know in the past when I was heavier I didn’t feel as sexy and wasn’t as sexually active, for example), we think it’s best to tackle it together in a non-judgemental way.

But of course, that’s just my relationship. Everyone’s relationship is different and has their own boundaries.

Post # 134
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This doesn’t apply to everyone, but for me, I personally feel like it’s my responsibility to stay thin for him. If I go over my selected “scary number” I start to get nervous. (I don’t have a consistent regimen but I know what to do when I start seeing the creep up) I think I could probably gain 20 lbs before he’d notice or care much, but I’d rather not test it.

I don’t think everyone needs to do that, or that every relationship is the same, but I don’t want him to get fat, so it’d be hypocritical if I didn’t try to keep a slimmer figure myself. It’s a “treat others as you’d want to be treated” thing.

I wouldn’t stop loving him if he got fatter but I know I’d be less physically attracted to him, so I wouldn’t begrudge him for feeling the same way.

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