Why do we lie?!

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6674 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

ooooh! Watch out when you get to the breaking point- then truth blasts start coming out! I can’t claim that I’m always completely honest with everyone all the time but I made myself a promise, years ago, that even if I was too afraid to be honest with others, I’d be honest with myself and that led to some great breakthroughs (and also some really uncomfortable moments).

1- Right when I got out of college, I had a boss who was a hot mess and overworked and I (along with another young woman) took calls and messages for her. Once, I heard her telling someone that her office staff (us) hadn’t given her a message when the truth was that she just hadn’t called them back because she was taking care of other things and she was messy and had lost the message. I went home that evening and I was pissed. I stewed over it the whole night and then the next day, I went into her office and told her that I’d heard her lying about us and I didn’t appreciate it and didn’t find it very considerate or respectful of us since the ONLY thing we did all day was take messages for her. She tried to tell me that I had no business listening in on her conversations and I told her that may be the case but she still shouldn’t be lying about her staff and that it wasn’t good for morale and I wasn’t going to stick around if that’s how she intended to do things. She eventually apologized and then I noticed that she closed the door when she was on the phone (to keep from having her lies overheard, I guess!).

2- I’ve already shared this before on another thread but my SIL was contemplating moving in with her husband’s mother (who was in the early-mid stages of Alzheimer’s) when she was expecting her first child. The brilliant (read: stupid) plan they’d come up with was that SIL was going to be the caretaker for her husband’s mother so they could get free rent in exchange and she was also going to be a stay at home mother with her first child. My grandmother died of Alzheimer’s after over a decade of dedicated care by her husband so I told my SIL “You clearly do not know what you are getting into. Your plan is not smart. Do not do that.” We happened to be in the car with my Mother-In-Law (SIL’s mother) when I said this and my Mother-In-Law said “Twilight, you wouldn’t take care of me if I came down with Alzheimer’s?” and I said “I love you but, no. I’ve seen what it takes and I’m very clear- I’m only willing to do that extended caretaking for someone if I came out of their body or they came out of mine – oh- and also, now, your son.” She was like “Well, now I know.” (which actually made me laugh)

ETA- I used to think that things would be better if people would just be full on direct and confront the people around them. My perspective has evolved a lot over the last 10-15 years and now I think that, if you’re committed to the growth of the people around you, then it’s best to have those uncomfortable conversations, but sometimes, for your own well being, it’s best to find a way to look out for yourself but not necessarily engage in a back and forth confrontation with someone you haven’t necessarily chosen to have in your circle (like in-laws or co-workers or randoms you encounter out and about while trolling the internets 😉 ).

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