(Closed) Why do we plus sized brides do this to ourselves?

posted 7 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 3
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Honestly, there is huge pressure on women to be thinner–even if they are not overweight, but especially if they are.  And this gets exacerbated by the big emphasis on wedding photography.  I’ve even seen women saying things like, “What’s the point of having a nice dress, beautiful decorations, etc., if you don’t get good photos?”  Umm, seriously?  Think about how many occasions there are when you want to get dressed up and put on a nice party.  Would you really spend thousands of dollars on photography for any of those occasions?  And half the time, “wedding photography” is not even of the wedding.  Instead, the couple is racing around town getting photos taken anywhere other than the ceremony location on their wedding day, or even the day after (trash the dress sessions, etc.).  All the emphasis on appearances for the sake of photography just adds to the pressure on women to look “perfect” that day.

Post # 4
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I bought the dress in the size that fit me, well sort of fit me, still needed to be taken in in the waist when I bought it but a size smaller would have been too small in my chest.  I don’t necessarily plan on losing weight but I am trying to tone up my arms because I’m wearing a strapless dress

Post # 5
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly I feel like this pressure is extended far beyond weddings. I guess I know I’m not fat, just curvy, but looking at everyone else in single digit sizes and pictures of “perfect weddings” and models I see someone so much smaller! And then I really do feel fat. I really want to lose weight and yes, I feel the pressure even more for the wedding! But I really wish I could just love what I look like now.

Post # 6
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i wanted to lose weight for me… because i wasnt happy or healthy… and i did… after i bought my dress in the size i was. it had to be taken in 2 sizes. 🙁 it all turned out okay in the end. i didnt plan on losing weight but i did and the wedding was great motivation.

Post # 7
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I haven’t bought my dress yet but I plan to buy in the size that fits me. I do plan to loose weight for the wedding, but the last thing I want to deal with is a dress that is to tight and all the consultants have said it won’t be a big deal to take the dresses I’m deciding between in a size or two if I loose the weight.

I’m working hard to loose the weight for myself, not for my fiance. The wedding simply gives me motivation. As you said, my Fiance loves me exactly how I am. He doesn’t even notice the lbs I’ve put on since we started dating. I, on the other hand, hate the way I look in some pictures and I know I would look better, be healthier and happier if I lost some weight. It’s a challenge for sure, but I’m proud of what I’m doing and I’m feeling better physically because of it. I want to love how I look in my wedding photos not regret that I wasn’t willing to work out and eat right in order to look my best on that day.

My fiance is also motivated to look his best, so he started working out (and he’s not overweight!). It’s become something we enjoy doing together and we motivate each other. It has nothing to do about either of us thinking the other should loose weight – it’s about each of us wanting the other to be healthy and feel their best!

That may have been a long explanation – but I’m working hard to loose weight and I’ve thought a lot about why I’m doing it. I hope it answered your question.

Post # 8
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am guilty of this. I bought a dress one size smaller than I am. One day I was trying it on and said f**k this, its not gonna work and I will not starve myself for 8 weeks so it will. I sold the smaller dress and am buying a new one that I like better and is in MY SIZE today. I am so happy without my decision, its a weight off my shoulders. I will now go and enjoy my brownie with no regret. Smile

Post # 9
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Add pregnant on top of it. I thought I would join a gym. I was walking on my breaks at work. I was doing all of this good healthy stuff. Then I ran into complications in the pregnancy and have to take it super easy. So I am adding a jacket to cover my huge arms and that is what I will do to make myself feel better. I had to order my dress bigger because I did not know how big I was going to get. I am almost 8 months pregnant now and I look like I am ready to have him now…lol. In the end I will pick apart the pictures anyway because that is what I do. I used to be 100 lbs lighter than I am now so that is how I want to see myself. But I have known this man for 17 years and he has been in love with me for 17 years. (Even through his previous marriage) So is there a doubt in my mind he will think I am gorgeous walking down the aisle, nope?

But it is never how other people see us, is it?

Post # 10
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

Not gonna lie–I’d love to be a bit thinner for the sake of pictures and, honestly, to have more dress options that are flattering AND comfortable.

That said, I have no intention of buying a dress that’s too small as motivation. Doing that would be way too stressful, I think, and stress sure wouldn’t help me lose weight!

Post # 11
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was on the borderline between 2 sizes when I bought my dress. If I went with the larger size, it would have cost an extra $300. Sooo…I went with the smaller size, hoping that between the stress of the wedding, and my own goals, I would lose weight between then (February) and the wedding (October). I’ve since gained 8 lbs – when I get stressed, I eat! I’m trying like hell to lose them, and a few more, in the 6 weeks that I have left, but it doesn’t seem all that promising. Honestly, if it had not been for that extra $300, I would have bought the larger size. So, yeah, I totally hear you about the pressures we face, as larger brides!

Post # 12
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You make a good point OP, there is so much pressure about losing weight for weddings & being a certain size. It was definitely an area of stress for me. My problem has always been I am on the curvy side but not really truly PS so being in between has always been tough. I am very, very busty 36DDD so finding dresses is always frustrating. I put off dress shopping for a while thinking I would lose weight and be able to have better luck. I did think about the fact my husband (then FI) thinks I’m gorgeous and loves me the way I am. This is even considering I’m up about 25 lbs. from when we met 5 years ago. I think one of the reasons the weight issue is such a concern is due to photos. Ultimately finding a flattering gown, good hair & make up, a good photographer and the glow from sheer joy of marrying the man (or woman) of your dreams will help us ALL be beautiful brides no matter what size.

Post # 13
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I bought my dress in the size I was at the time I went shopping.  I was pleasantly surprised at how thin I looked in my wedding photos despite my actual size!  Now I’m working on losing weight to be healthy and get my body back into balance – I recently found out that I’m insulin resistant, have pcos, and sleep apnea.  

As a pp said, I had enough stress with what was already going on – wedding planning, dealing with immigration, finding a job, getting my husband settled in the USA – and didn’t need to add any more by getting a dress that was intentionally too small for me. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s so sad that plus-size brides have to search hard sometimes to find dresses that fit them, and especially the horror stories about when consultants are mean. WTF – we’re not all size 0 models making funny poses and putting our stick arms out in weird positions lol.

Plus, how many posts have we seen here on the Bee about brides wanting to see “REAL BRIDES” in the gowns? It’s because to us that’s normal. I want to see a petite bride, a plus-size bride, an ‘average’ bride, and different body types in dresses.

I lost a good bit of weight last year before I tried on my dress, but for me it was a good goal to set. I hated looking in mirrors and none of my clothes fit anymore (I was a size 12-14). I was out of shape and wasn’t eating well. I hated myself. Every 5 pounds I lost, I began to love myself again. I was able to buy my wedding dress in a size 10, which is still ‘large’ to some very slim brides. I’m so excited to be that size though and have regained a large part of my life and happiness back. I’m in shape and want to keep my control even after I have kids. I would love to lose 10 more pounds, but I struggle to even maintain with how busy I’ve gotten. Those 10 pounds….eh. Could I do it? Maybe if I starved myself. But honestly, I want to enjoy my dinners with my friends these last few weeks. I want to eat a ton on my bachelorette. I want to eat Chick Fil-A on my wedding day. So I’m going to.

Post # 15
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@BrideToBrit: I am buying a dress that fit me because like you said, my Fiance loves me just the way I am. I am making healthier food options though because I find that I am a stress eater and food comforts me and what time could not be more stressful than planning a wedding.

I think another reason why (at least for me) is when I got engaged, I looked at all these magazine where every dress was on a Size 2 model and it didnt give me alot of hope on finding a dress that would fit my “Thick” body. I had dreams about it leading up to going to look for a dress but it was very nice to try on dresses and find that no matter what I would pick, I would be a beautiful plus size bride no matter what!

Post # 16
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BrideToBrit: I have been losing weight before I even started to think about a dress. I think a wedding can be a big motivator though. My reasons to lose weight are to lower my blood pressure and just be heathier. I’m not getting younger and I’d rather not have any weight related issues later in life when it will be harder to lose weight.

Now that I’m going to be purchasing a gown in the next couple of months, I’m not going to lie and say it hasn’t been a huge motivator, because it is. I mean most of us love ourselves the way we are and that’s awesome. I’m not ashamed of my body and Mr. Tattoo loves me the way I am. That’s not to say that I should settle and be okay with being overweight. I can love myself at this size and still want to lose weight for health and vanity reasons.

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