(Closed) Why do we plus sized brides do this to ourselves?

posted 10 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 32
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am a size 18 and I have days where I feel “fat” but otherwise I have accepted me for me.  I have been slowly losing the weight I have put on the past 5 years.  I was a size 24 at my biggest point.  I hope to get back to a 12 again but I was not going to put myself in the situation of ordering a smaller dress.  To me that was unrealistic.  It has taken me years to put on this weight and it has taken me awhile to work it off. 

Post # 33
30 posts


Thank you so much for that.  I love APW and that was the perfect post for me.


Thank you for this post.  I am a size 18/20. I lost 30 poiunds a few years ago and kept them off until recently.  I have gained about 10-15 pounds and can definently feel the difference. I decided to buy my dress in my size and just enjoy my engagement. I do plan on losing weight after the wedding because I want to have kids and need to get to lose that little bit of extra weight to have the healthist pregnancy possible. 

Post # 34
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I was forced into a long engagement by virtue of my school schedule. Rather than be bummed that I have to wait 2 years to get married, I am looking at that time as an oppertunity. I am going to be a size 6/8 on my wedding day. This isn’t optional. I know that sounds insane, but I have been heavy forever, so long in fact that I am pre-hypertensive. My family has a history of deaths caused by high blood pressure. The combination makes getting to my goal weight less of a luxary and more of a necessity….the wedding date just provides a REAL, tangible deadline, which I think is crucial.

I have 64lbs to go before I hit what I would consider an ideal weight (although, 50lbs should put me in my healthy range). 

So yeah, I am one of those big girls trying to get skinny for the wedding, but its more not wanting to die on my Fiance then getting into the sexy dress 🙂

Post # 35
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was so conflicted about this… I feel like there’s such an enormous amount of pressure put on girls to be perfect on their wedding day.  You hear things like the comment above about how the pics last forever.  You never see beautiful brides of different shapes and sizes portrayed by society and the media (although they DO exist in real life)… they are ALWAYS thin, with perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect everything.  And almost all brides diet and go crazy trying to look perfect, even size 2 girls who weigh 100 lbs.  No one wants to be a “fat” bride.  

But then at the same time it’s like, THIS IS ME.  I am not size 2.  I’ve never been a size 2.  I haven’t been 100 lbs since I was in the 4th grade.  I’d love to be tiny, but it is NEVER going to happen, no matter how much work I put into it.  That doesn’t mean I don’t try to be healthy; I do.  DF and I made some changes, such as limiting refined carbs, red meat and full-fat dairy products.  We walk frequently, either on the treadmill or outside.  I’ve toned up a tiny bit and gone from a size 18-20 to a size 14 (16 in pants, because I’m more pear shaped now).  But I didn’t go crazy and starve myself for the same reason I’m not tanning, getting long fake nails, dying my hair, etc… that’s not ME.  I want to be myself on my wedding day, as hard as that can be to accept at times.  My Dear Fiance fell in love with the person I am– chubby, pale, awkward, self-conscious.  He knows he’s not getting a beauty queen and so does everyone else.  There’s no sense being in denial and thinking I can turn myself into Megan Fox for the big day… It’s NEVER going to happen. This was hard to accept, but with less than a month to go, I’m finally cool with it.

Post # 36
3993 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It always slightly offends me that people assume because I’m not “small” that I would want or need to lose weight for my wedding day. They usually get a semi-snarky response. I’m not any more rude than they are for asking when i say “He proposed to me at this size, I assume he’ll marry me at this size as well.”

Bleh on whoever created the idea that you have to lose weight to get married, no matter HOW big or small you were to start with. I read all of these “I’m killing myself to lose X more pounds for one day of my life” threads and just feel awkward.

I exercise to stay healthy. I will be drinking more water – for my COMPLEXION, not for my waistline. I bought my dress to fit the size I was when I got measured. We’ll see how it’s fitting when it’s alterations time. I don’t plan on any big jumps higher or lower.

Post # 37
13 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m plus sized & I’m losing weight, but not for the wedding. I’m losing weight because I owe to myself to be healthy. I’m not the type of person that just needs to casually drop 10 pounds, & I know that. I want to be able to spend a long time with my Fiance, & losing weight can prolong that. So, if I lose my remaining 89.5 lbs (I just got my 10lb blue ribbon from weight watchers :D) by my October 2012 wedding, fabulous! If not, I’ll still be marrying the man of my dreams who loves me either way. 

Post # 39
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know exactly how you feel because we know that we are on full display. Yes, our FI’s asked us at the size we are but we all are trying to look what we think is the best. I have bad eating habits meaning I dont eat at the right times and if I get stress I dont eat at all my Fiance is away and of course I am stressing so my weight is dropping right now.

My FI’s first question is “what have you eaten”? I tell him and he gets upset,”he said I love you plus size and I hope you are not losing weight because of the wedding”???So now I just say I have eaten to keep the peace…hahaha 

I am not trying to do it on purpose but what he doesnt understand is him being away (military) is very stressful for me.

Post # 40
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@BrideToBrit:  I lost weight in my boobs as well! I finally got back into the groove of working out and dropped about 5lbs in 5 weeks. I was so happy, but didn’t really notice a difference in my stomach or butt area, then I tried on my dress again and I had to keep lifting it up. Alas, they have shrunk…no fun 🙁

Post # 41
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2019 - City, State

@Sasha2011:  What made you think this was the thread for that lecture?


Anyway, on topic, I figure I want to look like me at my wedding. I have no plans to drastically change my appearance–as you said, OP, he fell in love with me at this size, and right now this is what I look like. There may be a time in the future when I’m larger or smaller for whatever reason. But I want wedding-me to be just a more dressed-up version of the regular me. I don’t want to crash diet to achieve a weight I could never even maintain for ten minutes.

Post # 42
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I blame the media – it tends to portray beauty as THIN. In the 50’s, larger women were thought to be the richest/healthiest. My how the times have changed.

I’m a size 20 in juniors, 18 in women. I’m quite happy with myself, but I do get into those moods where I feel “fat”.

But honestly, if me & my fi were alone in a room for the rest of our lives, I would NEVER feel fat. I only feel that way if someone mentions my weight for calls me “frumpy”.

Post # 43
21 posts
  • Wedding: January 2014

I do want to lose weight for my wedding, as its a good motivator, but that’s more for health reasons, I work in maternity and I am always advising weight loss to improve chances of getting pregnant, and that’s what we want after our wedding.

howver whati I don’t like is the PRESSURE from my family to do so, and the constant ‘you can’t eat that!’ dress shopping was soo painful, I kept being reminded of fat arms, fat tummy… In the end I still brought strapless as I like how it shows some curves. 

Post # 44
36 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

I am struggling with this right now.  I hate every dress i put on, not because I dont like the dress, but because I don’t like myself in the dress.  I have gained about 70 punds in the last 7 years and I have been yoyo dieting all along.  I just want to feel beautiful on my wedding day and I dont feel beautful at all.

Post # 45
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Morton Arboretum

I choose not to do that to myself.   Yes i am trying to lose weight. But buying a dress that does not fit me know TO WAY!.   Dresses can be altered.   My ceremony is a year away.  I bought my dress as it.  If I lose a ton of weight, which I am trying to do.  I have lost 15 lbs so far.  I will have it altered.  my goal is at least 40 lbs more.  But I don’t want the added stress. Plus stress inhibits weight loss.

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