(Closed) Why do we wait?

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Do you believe women should have equal rights and equal opportunities as men? If yes, then you are a feminist.

Speaking as a feminist myself, I waited because I was ready long before he was. We had discussed marriage extensively so he knew that I would marry him in a heartbeat, and I knew he wasn’t ready yet. In those circumstances, it wouldn’t have been right to spring a proposal on him knowing that he needed more time. I left the ball was in his court, so to speak, and that was the best thing for both of us.

Post # 4
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I waited because he was opposed to the idea of being proposed to. He is not very traditional but was suprisingly traditional in this regard.

 

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

** I am not going to lie, I also found your comment about not being a feminist a little troubling.

Post # 6
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

I had always wondered if I would propose to my Boyfriend or Best Friend if he didnt do it by a certain point. I still wonder that, but recently we were talking about proposals and he brought it up (without me mentioning it) and said he would hate it if i did that.  I don’t want to emasuclate him, plus I really want the enjoyment of him professing his love to me on bended knee.  But I will threaten with proposing to him if he waits too long!

I also will not do it (at least not yet) because part of the reason (well, most of it) for waiting is financial and we need a tiny bit more money first. So I don’t totally blame him for dragging his feet, but at the same time, nobody says you have to get married a month after you get engaged, either!

Post # 7
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I “waited” because I was ready to be engaged & married before Fiance was. Fi has said several times that before he met me, he was never going to get married because he doesn’t have the best “marriage” role models.

We were fully committed to being together for the rest of our lives only a few years into our relationship, but he wasn’t ready to embrace “marriage” until just recently (after 6 1/2 years together and 3 years of living together).

We were already in committed forever relationship, it just took a long time for him to come to terms with “marriage”.

Post # 9
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

What do you mean by “I am not a feminist”? Lately, and I mean in the last decade or so, I’ve noticed women in their 20’s and 30’s saying it. I just want to know what feeling you ar trying to convey.

Post # 11
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Mary Poppins: What do you think equal rights and opportunities really means? I think it means that women can have CHOICES. Feminism exists so that women can decide for themselves what they want to do and how they want to live their lives, whether they want to be career women OR housewives.

The image you have of what a feminist is, and the fact that most of your peers have the same opinion of feminists, that scares me. It scares me because it wasn’t so long ago that women were treated as second class citizens to men. Have we already forgotten? Have we already taken it all for granted? Have we become blind to the numerous inequalities and prejudices against women that still exist to this day? I really hope not.

It also scares me because it perpetuates a very harmful view of women and feminists. Feminists are not a group of angry man-haters who want to take things away from men and look down on other women. That’s not what feminism is AT ALL. Feminists simply believe that women have the same value as men, and that we don’t deserve to be treated like we’re worth less just because we were born with two X chromosomes. We deserve the same opportunities, and to be judged by the same standards. We deserve the same respect. There’s nothing radical about that, in my opinion.

That image also perpetuates the idea that women should keep our mouths shut, not rock the boat. It perpetuates the idea that women should not be valued for what they think or what they have to say, that women should just look pretty and be pleasant. When a man speaks his mind, we listen and admire his confidence and assertiveness. When a woman speaks her mind, she’s automatically a demanding bitch. No one even hears what she’s saying. That’s just one of the ridiculous double standards that feminists are working to eliminate.

You don’t need to actively fight male dominance to be a feminist, you just have to believe that women are equal to men. Men can be feminists too, believe it or not. Being a feminist is a GOOD thing, and I’m proud to call myself one.

 

Post # 13
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

@Mary Poppins:

You have wonderful grace to be able to really absorb the great post that jace wrote!  I’m in my 30’s and what I noticed is that people started saying ‘feminist’ with a negative tone in the same way they started saying ‘liberal’ in a negative tone.  Even though the words mean positive things:

Feminist: One who advocates social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

Liberal: open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.

It’s surprising how just using a negative tone with those words can really change the meaning.

Post # 14
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My FI’s mother told his father that if he didn’t propose  by a certain date she was leaving him. And now they’ve been married for 30-something years. 

Post # 15
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Mary Poppins: Thank you for reading it with an open mind! I’m sorry if I got a little scary in my post, it’s just an issue that I’m very passionate about. I volunteer at a shelter for battered women and their children, so I like to see women standing up for each other. I hate seeing feminists get a bad rap because the feminists I know are such incredibly warm, caring, and generous women.

I might be a career woman now, but I honestly can’t wait to be a mom. Believe me when I say that I don’t look down on women who choose to be housewives, not in the least. When FH and I have the financial freedom, I want to be at home taking care of my babies too. For the time being, other people need to watch their babies around me, because when I see a pair of squishy little cheeks I can’t resist them!

 

Post # 16
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Jayce I really appreciate you getting the terms straight!  I think it may be a generation thing, the “forgetting” what women had to do to be treated better than how they were.  Personally, I think the community I grew up in and the supportive family that I have around me has made me forget what women had to do to be treated fairly (or more-so than we were before).

 

And I agree with what PP have said about why we wait.  SO knows I am ready to get married, but he has good reasons not to jump on it quite yet.  When he’s ready, I’ll let him propose.  As for girls proposing to guys, I actually did propose to my dude but in kind of a joking manner (I proposed to him with a bag of candy, Texas Pete and a really corny/cliche speech) and he thought it was hilarious.  Maybe if I get him a ring he’ll take me seriously?  Do men’s engagement rings have to have a stone? JK….kinda.

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