(Closed) Why do wedding bring out the worst in people?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

LOL so true! 

Post # 4
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

LOL I couldn’t have said it better myself. I have been having a passive argument with my mother over the last couple of months because I do not want my family turning up in dirty ripped jeans and t-shirts to our extremely formal and traditional wedding. She sees this as me “not loving and respecting them for who they are”. Ugh, give me a break.

Post # 5
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe those people were always like that.It just took a wedding for true colours to show, and for us to notice…:)

Post # 6
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Agreed its so true. And I really hate the term bridezilla which seems to arrive when you firmly use your voice to say actually its my wedding that I am paying for and this is what I want Or envision for my day. So annoying how people try to say think about what your guests would like or prefer

Post # 7
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When they pay their own way they can have input on what they are paying for only 

Post # 8
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

It is pretty terrible when people start to impose their will. It’s supposed to be you and your soon to be husband’s special day, not their day. If they want their day then they should get married (or if they are already married then they already had their time and it’s now someone else’s time!). Some people just have a hard time realizing that, unfortunately.

If it’s getting bad, I would definitely let these people know that they are over stepping their boundaries. And if they can’t handle that, then maybe you need to reconsider inviting them.

 

This is one thing I worry about when I eventually get married. So I am planning on having a very small wedding. It’s too much to have to deal with everyone trying to have a say in your wedding. 

 

Post # 9
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is so true.

And I feel that even if they are paying then it just gives them a right to their opinion because in the end it is still YOUR wedding.  Just because they are willing to either foot the bill or make a donation to the wedding fund does not give them the right to plan the whole wedding.

 

Post # 10
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I totally agree! we had the same issue with my DH’s family when we were planning our wedding. I told him, they want things a certain way, they can open up their wallets and reimburse us for the money we have spent. Until that happens, they need to back off or there will be no wedding for them to attend!  we were seriously considering cutting our losses and eloping. It is so riduclas how they think they can plan YOUR wedding!

I feel for you. Just remember, it’s all about you and your Fiance.  It will be your marriage and your memories that you have with you for the rest of your life.  🙂

Post # 11
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Just to play devil’s advocate for a moment …

So annoying how people try to say think about what your guests would like or prefer.

even if they are paying then it just gives them a right to their opinion because in the end it is still YOUR wedding/it’s all about you and your Fiance.

Weddings are actually about more than just the bride and groom: they are about tradition, family, community, and hospitality. If the bride and groom truly want it to be about them and them alone, they get married at the registry office/justice of the peace or have an otherwise private ceremony. The moment you decide to have a wedding (as in, you decide to invite guests), you become responsible for taking them into consideration and it ceases to be “all about you (two).”

Don’t misunderstand me – it’s still (both of) your day. You should still aim to have the wedding that makes you and your Fiance happy, and that is reasonable given your budget. And it’s right to expect that your guests should be as considerate of your wishes as you are of theirs. But when we plan our weddings, we should think about what our guests would like or prefer, and balance that with what is convenient or appealing for us. We should also remember that our friends and family members have a legitimate interest in being a part of one of the big milestones in our lives, and that ultimately it’s a good thing that they care enough to have strong feelings about being included, seeing us carry on family traditions, etc.

Not trying to dismiss anyone’s difficulties or frustrations – I get that those are legit. Just trying to inject a bit of perspective, because I think that the “it’s your day/it’s all about the bride” rhetoric can get a little poisonous if it’s taken too far. I just think that, instead of demonizing the parents/future in-laws/other friends and relatives who annoy us sometimes when they weigh in about wedding stuff, it’s helpful to give them the benefit of the doubt: assume they are saying something because they care about us and it’s important to them. It’s good to try to understand their perspectives, even if you ultimately don’t agree with them.

That’s all.

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