(Closed) Why do weddings bring out the crazy in folks?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Stress.

Post # 4
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

pressure and stress.  And money being spent.  And running out of time.  . .

Post # 6
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

No clue. We’re paying for and planning our wedding with zero help. But for whatever reason, all the people who have nothing to stress about are taking this moment to compete in some America’s Got A$$holes competition. Any other time they’d at least pretend to not be total scum bags for the sake of preserving the social identity they’ve made up. But now that there’s a wedding? It’s like d-bag season all up in here. it’s certainly affected our relationship with them and caused us to lose respect for them. Some are being demoted to people we don’t associate with anymore unless we absolutely have to.

Post # 7
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Because they too feel entitled to be a part of the wedding. Family and friends feel like they can help you when all they do is cause you stress and headaches. They just feel they can make your day better because they’ve been “through it and know it all.” Obviously they don’t.

Post # 8
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@claireos:  OMG that’s how the month before our wedding was…those that had NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WEDDING and WERE NOT PAYING A DIME were all butthurt and crying and causing drama. If the invites had not already gone out and the seating already finalized, I would have never invited them! I no longer speak to half of DH’s family over the shit they pulled 48 hrs before our wedding. I have no intention of speaking to them for a few months.

I think the top three are: emotions, stress, money. My mom admitted it was hard to see me get marred because it was “final that I was grown up”…so a lot of her reactions were out of emotion. A lot of DH’s reactions were over money. A lot of mine were from the stress of everyone else.

Post # 9
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@claireos:  I love everything in this post, it will keep me smiling all weekend 🙂

 

this should so be stickied.

Post # 10
Member
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I really wish I knew!  I’ve dreaded many parts of the wedding process because of this!  I’ll admit I’ve had a couple breakdowns – but they weren’t over flowers, or something stupid like that.  They were over other people.

Post # 12
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@Bellagiobride:  I sometimes wonder if it’s simply because there are a shocking number of genuinely selfish people out there. And by selfish I mean people who can’t bear to do something for another person, even if it’s their own child, because by putting themselves in the back seat it no longer becomes about them. Any other day they could pretend to be a good person because that illusion causes positive attention to be directed to them – and they like that because, of course, it’s about them. But once it becomes about someone else and they’re required to dedicate long term attention to it they snap. It’s like some people don’t understand the concept of “sometimes it’s not about you,” despite what they like to tout and if they DO understand it they HATE it.

I dunno. It’s just my theory because it really is a strange phenomenon. You don’t see it on birthdays in such large numbers. You don’t see it on anniversaries. But the moment the word “wedding” is mentioned people go bat $hit crazy in a weird race to make life as complicated and miserable as possible for the people they’re supposed to be celebrating. At some point it can’t just be stress. At some point I think it becomes about their own personality disfunctions. Ok. End almost rant. 😉

Post # 13
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nobody around me has turned crazy yet ::looks around:: Oh God, does that mean I’m the crazy one??

Wink

Post # 14
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Entitlement, expectations, poor communication, pipe dreams, quick or bad decision making and short sighted ness to name a few reasons.

And, mothers.

Post # 15
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think that couples want to have weddings so that they can be inclusive of the people in their lives.  Ironically, including so many people is a big part of the crazy problem. It gives the crazy people power.  It’s not just who is included on the guest list (my personal nightmare).  It’s the people that the couple generally invites to give opinions, like the wedding party and some family members, plus the people that feel they have the right to give their opinions, like the other family members and friends. 

There are different views and opinions coming from all these people, and the couple ends up having to be the appeasers/mediators/diplomats between all them. The couple makes all sorts of compromises to keep everyone happy, so the couple loses some control of the event.  The aspiring tyrants around them sense the weakness, and pounce on the chance to enforce their own oppressive views of what the wedding should be. And because the couple has invited these people into the wedding process, the tyrants don’t even have to examine how crazy they are being.  They are “helping” in the way they see fit, and that’s what the couple asked for, right?

This is why I do not and will not have a wedding party or even discuss the wedding details with most of our families and friends .  It is why I ask strangers’ opinions online instead of asking the opinions of people I know. I don’t want them to be involved.  Only my mom is allowed to help, and I have clearly drawn the boundary lines for her role and influence.  Of course, this doesn’t prevent all the crazy. We still have to allow 25 kids at our wedding because of all the family backlash from our kid-free plan.  I’m never going to stop resenting our families for that.  Crazy jerks.

Post # 16
Member
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m kind of perplexed by that too– even long-term RELATIONSHIPS bring out the crazy in people around meAaarrggh. My theory is that some of it is parents having a zillion contradictory feelings about not wanting their kid to finally really grow up and be closer to someone else (a “stranger!!!” for heaven’s sake) than to them, but wanting their child to have their own life; and different families with different values having to associate with one another and deal with the idea that they might have to have future holidays with the IN-LAWS (oooooooooo, scary) (can you hear the sarcasm? :P) who they don’t know how to deal with. . . or because weddings cause tension in unmarried, non-engaged couples where one partner is impatient and the other isn’t ready, or because of money/gifts/status of who gives the best thing or most money, or travel obligations. . . Ugh, the list goes on. 

I don’t know why. It sucks.

 

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