- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Here recently I’ve been having more and more doubts about having a wedding(not the marriage, just the wedding) It just seems like these things tend to bring out the worst in people.
My mother, who I have a very rocky relationship with, is one of the problem people right now. She insists on a wedding but complains about the money. Well we aren’t financially stable enough to shell out that kind of money (my fiance will be graduating from Grad school this Dec.) so obviously we need some parental help on that front. No one is making her give money to this but she complains about all the money she has to put toward the wedding. Yet whenever I bring up not having a wedding she becomes very angry and says I’m just trying to make her feel guilty. *rolls eyes* Go figure!
Various members of our extended family. My family is Catholic and Jewish. His family is Southern Baptist(his grandfather is a pastor) My Fiance and I aren’t really religious and the whole religious aspect of the ceremony isn’t that important to us. However we decided to have an outside wedding to forgo any assumed preferences toward one belief or another and we asked his grandpa to marry us simply because it’s his grandpa and it’s something his grandfather has dreamed about doing. Yet even in that people aren’t happy. Members of my family are mad it’s not in the church. Members of his family are mad we aren’t having a more traditional service.
We talked about a venue, for both the ceremony and reception, that’s roughly 30-40 minutes away from the city. We discussed offering shuttles to take people to and from the site. However so many people thought it was just ridiculous to expect guests to go that far.
By our set wedding date we will have been engaged for 4 years. That wasn’t our initial plan but that’s how it worked out. Some people have had a lot of time to get amped up about our wedding. We’ve never told these people we’d invite them nor have we ever said anything that might make them think we’d invite them yet so many are getting very upset we they find out we aren’t planning on extending them an invite. From the beginning we’ve said 175 max which seems like a lot but about 95% of that is family. I have about 53 first cousins just on my dad’s side(my dad is one of 9) and he has about 37(his dad is one of 7) So if you include cousins, spouses, children of cousins aunts, uncles, extremely close friends, and immediate family we are really pushing that 175 limit.
The wedding has ignited the ever constant spark between his dad and mother. In the last 10+ years their hatred of each other hasn’t been a big deal because they live on opposite ends of town, have different social groups, and work in different fields so they went for 10 years without seeing or talking to each other. Now they’ve had to communicate and it hasn’t been good.
This is just the tip of the iceburg and I honestly don’t understand why it has to be this way. Weddings are supposed to be fun. They celebrate love and happiness.But I wonder if all of this is really worth a few hours of celebration.