(Closed) Why Do Women Compare their Engagement Rings with Others'?

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@wrkbrk:  I totally do this. It’s because we’re all CRAZY! Jk πŸ™‚ I definitely agree with

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@ceebree: that a ring is a status symbol. I also think we often compare ourselves to others out of instinct; we have to compete to some degree for survival and to attract mates. We’re silly mammals.

Post # 19
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@wrkbrk:  That’s probably a good thing πŸ™‚ Constantly scanning for finger bling is hard work, how does one find the time to check out the other status symbols?!

Post # 20
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I guess it’s been drilled into us, really. Open a magazine and you’ll see them comparing celebrities’ bodies, clothes, even their handbags. That’s bound to rub off in one way or another. We’ve been taught to compare ourselves to others, even though we know consciously it’s wrong.

Post # 21
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Midland, TX

I remember being 23 when I got engaged for the first time and my e-ring was the first piece of gold/diamond jewelry that I had ever owned. When people hear that your engaged the first question people ask is to see the ring. So you wanna be proud of it!  I know I was curious to know what is “acceptable” or what is “average”. So I’d look at others rings to see what they have to make sure what I have is not below the norm. It’s funny because I don’t do that with anything else really. I carry a coach purse because it’s the only brand I have found that will withstand my abuse..and to me it has nothing to do with status so I never buy the ones that have the C’s all over them. I buy my shoes from Ross and refuse to pay full price for clothes anywhere.

 

Now, personally, I find that rings are little works of art and I love ring porn because of that!

 

Post # 22
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

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@MrsPanda99:  Me too. I check out the bodies of other women to see how I match up. Sometimes I’ll be like “Oh my god her waist is tiny!” (envy) in my head or “Geez I hope my ass is not THAT huge” (horror) or “what I would do for such long legs!” (wistful)… 

 

On the other hand, I don’t really do that with materialistic stuff. Branded bags may look nice and all but I would never pay that much for a receptacle that holds my keys, wallet and phone. I don’t drive so a car means nothing to me. And well, I don’t like techy gadgets so I have never owned an ipod or an ipad or iphone or blackberry. I only got a smartphone (samsung brand) a year ago cos it’s free on a contract. 

 

 

 

Post # 23
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Jaey: I’m the same way. I’m often thinking, “am I that big?” or “wow, I wish I was that small.”  I guess it all depends what is important to you. For me, rings don’t make the list. However, I will be envious if someone has done a home reno I love, or gone on a vacation I wish I could afford (such as Bora Bora). I think we compare ourselves by our very nature.

Post # 24
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

What don’t women compare themselves and others on? You might not compare on shoes or cars, but other women do.

Men often compare themselves and others on these external things too (e.g. watches). They don’t do it to the same extent women do, in general, and I think it’s because women feel like society doesn’t value their internal traits as much as their external traits.

Women especially tend to compare regarding physical attractiveness, and automatically chop up their own and other women’s bodies into mental pieces to compare. “Oh, she has a better butt than me but I have a narrower waist. Her nose sticks out too much, I think that’s worse than my nose, which is too flat.”

More empowered women tend to compare themselves and others less on physical appearance, clothing, jewelry, handbags, and shoes, and more on other traits (IQ, school performance, career performance, moral values, talents, skills, abilities), because they have more of a belief that society values those aspects in themselves and other women (or at least, the part of society that they care about). More empowered women also compare themselves to men, not just other women.

One reason people compare is that we’re a status-obsessed, and even more emptily, money-obsessed culture, so most people compare on status indicators, which include many of the above items, but also homes, vacations, and any indicator of wealth or status. Those with more wealth or status are expected to be treated better than those with less, in our culture. (I think that’s why we quietly tolerate so much corruption at the top). It’s an ugly culture.

We also compare external things like rings for a better reason: To try to find people we’ll get along with. Most of us like ourselves, and so we seek out people who seem to have similar taste to ourselves. It doesn’t matter that it’s often a very weak signal about what a person’s truly like, we often try this shortcut anyway. I won’t deny it: If I know nothing else about you, but I find out you’re a fan of yellow gold, I already feel warmer about you, like having this one thing in common that differs from the overall trend suggests to me that maybe we’ll have so many other things in common. Of course I realize logically it’s a very weak indicator of personality, yet it still gets my hopes up.

Oh, and I never really paid any attention to people’s engagement rings before thinking about getting engaged either. Part of the reason for a focus on any given externality is just because it’s relevant to our own recent thoughts or personal interests. For example, I can’t blame a hairdresser for automatically seeing and forming thoughts about everyone they see based on hair health, whereas for me, the person’s hair has to look like straw before I notice that it’s not so healthy.

Post # 25
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@wrkbrk:  That’s a really good point. When we got my SUV, I kept noticing the same SUV on the road everywhere because it was top of mind for me. When I had my urges to have a baby, it seems that everyone I see is pregnant (because those are the folks I’m looking for). Right now I’m on a weight loss kick, so every girl I see who has the body I am striving for…jealous :-

Post # 27
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m a terrible person. I definitely compare myself in every way to others! Hair, jewelery, body (especially body!).

But I have serious self esteem issues. At leastI own it, right?

Post # 28
Member
2278 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m not sure why we (humans) compare ourselves to others, but I’ve definitely found myself comparing other women’s rings to mine, even down to getting on the train in the morning O.o

Post # 29
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

someone did this to me today…I saw her looking at my ring on the subway and then she looked down at hers and started playing with it…I do it too but mostly because I can enjoy the beauty of other peoples rings, it doesn’t make me think any less of my ring though, mine is my dream ring!

 

 

 

Post # 30
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@wrkbrk:  I notice most all of those things, but I usually don’t covet what other people have.  If I notice a woman has a gorgeous ring, I’ll say “wow, gorgeous ring, congratulations!”  If she’s wearing shoes I wish I had in my closet I’ll say “love your shoes!” and then go try to find some on Zappos.  If I see a sweet car in the parking lot I’ll park next to it to try to figure out who drives it so I can talk to them about it. 

However, if you just got engaged and all you can do is stare at your finger, it’s natural to notice it on other women more.  πŸ™‚  You’ve probably spent a long time thinking about what size/shape/color ring you want and now see them everywhere. 

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