- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2016
Peter Gabriel’s version of The Book of Love on autoplay in the background? Yep.
YouTube videos of people proposing with the volume turned down? Yep.
Big ol’ bowl of butter pecan ice cream? Yep, second serving.
Why do women (not all) do this? My engagement is… basically non-existent at this point and I’m crying over how sweet these proposals are and am thinking of when he proposed to me. So much can happen in such little time. I’m not making excuses for him but even I have to admit the proposal was so simple and so sweet and so “us” at the time.
I’ve had a hard time trying to find the “right” moment. Is there even a right moment to end a relationship with a man you swore 9 months ago was going to be the father of your one-day children? Your partner in crime? Ugh. I’ve already decided I’m going to go to his apartment because I think I’ll be the better driver after leaving/being so emotional (I’m sure) and I want him to be safe; not that he’d do anything dangerous or on purpose but I’m worried he’ll be distracted or have delayed response times. I can’t decide if I should do it at the beginning of his days off or the very last one so he can go to work the next day and not think about it. It’s not like it’s a blindside type of situation… it just feels so final. I’ll be OK after doing it… it’s just the, “We need to talk…” start I can’t find the words for.
I’ve gone back and forth with emotions and thoughts and feelings for months now. I finally feel like I’m at peace with my decision but feel like throwing up when thinking of having to put on my big-girl panties and make it final.I know I need to and we’ll both be better for it in the long haul.
The bee has been helpful for me. I don’t want to leave it. I don’t post much but have significantly increased in the past few days. It’s weird that I can still get excited about centerpieces and bouquets for other people but can’t even picture my own wedding to this man.
End ramblings. Thank goodness for autoreplay and ice cream.