Post # 1
Tell me, bees…why a long engagement? My engagement is 4 months long. It’s a month and a half away and everything is done except the invitations still need to be sent. And i couldn’t imagine being able to wait even longer…it’s so hard as it is. Fiance and I do not live together and do not have sex (Christian) and maybe that makes a difference? Is that why you feel comfortable with such long engagements? To me, that’d just seem like one or the other of us wasn’t ready to be married, in which case I think we shouldn’t have gotten engaged in the first place. We chose to get married, we chose our life, and now we can’t wait to start living it.
Help me understand!
Post # 3
My engagement will be 2 1/2 years by the time the wedding rolls around. Our biggest factor is money. I wanted at least a year to plan orignially so that I wouldn’t feel rushed. I do a lot of DIY projects and there is no way I could have done all of them in less than a year! The original date did not pan out due to my fiance being laid off twice. We wanted to be able to have everyone important to us there to celebrate so we moved the date back.
ETA: Also in my area year long engagements are the norm. Vendors fill up their availability fairly quickly so unless somebody is getting married in an off-season month they have to have about 6-8 months to book some vendors at the least. This is especially true for reception venues.
Post # 4
We are planning on an engagement of about 18 months, we are Catholic so have the same arrangements you’ve mentioned.
For us money is the issue. We both come from large families, we are young (22) and in school, and will be paying for the wedding with now help from family. By having a longer engagement we are able to pay for things as they come up/over time as opposed to them being piled on in a 4 month engagement, as neither of us have enough savings to pay outright right now.
Post # 5
Oh! Our engagement was a year and some months, and we were waiting to move in together and have sex too. For me, I wanted to make sure I had a steady job first before moving out of my parents’ house (I moved back for a year after college). I also wanted to transition from living at home to living with DH. Another part of it was that I really wanted to enjoy our engagement and really make sure that we were doing the most we could to prepare for marriage.
Post # 6
I am going to be as nice about this as possible, because some of your comments can be seen as both ignorant and offensive, although I don’t think that’s how you meant them to come off. People have other things going on in their lives besides weddings… jobs, school, families and friends with big events going on in their lives, etc. So, logistically for some (MOST!) people it’s a matter of when they can make a wedding work, when they can fit in the planning time, when the venue that they want is available, and when they can save up enough money to afford it. I’m not going to lie, I find it really surprising that you seem to be making such judgments against other people, and questioning their commitments when I’m sure you’ve been judged for how you and your fiance are choosing to go about your relationship and that people have questioned how prepared you are for marriage.
Post # 7
For us, it was a financial decision. We had been together for 4 years, and were ready to get married after 2. But we didn’t get engaged until afte 4 years because we didn’t want a 4 year engagement. We are getting married after a 2 year 3 month engagement, which will put us at about 6.5 years together. We’re young (I’ll be a year out of college when we get married and he will have just finished law school) so we have to save up to have the large wedding we want. I think portions of the rest of the world will still claim we are “too young” to get married at 23 and 25, but I’m sure more of them would have had issues when we were 19 and 21 (when first decided we were ready to get married).
ETA: Yay bumblebee status!
Post # 8
We want to wait until we’re both done university. And I love being his fiancée so I wanted the title for a while ;). Plus we didn’t feel a huge rush with it, we’ve already been together four years, what’s two more before the wedding? Also, this way we get discounts from our vendors and we can book our dream vendors without them being booked up on the date we want. To us there wouldn’t really be many benefits to a short engagement and there weren’t disadvantages to a longer one.
Post # 9
Reason 1 is due to money. We are both recent grads and familys dont have the money to chip in and pay for it. And seen as money does not grow on trees it is going to take time to save up.
Reason 2 is because his brother is currently out of the country and wont be home till mid-Nov. Fi really wants his brother to be able to attend.
Reason 3 is because like the pp worte vendors around here are already booked up till late next year. We did not want to be limited by our selection if we moved the date up.
Reason 4 is probably for the season. His birthday is in July which is WAY to hot here in Ga. and my birthday if late Nov. practically Dec so we wanted a date that was far from both of our birthdays.
Post # 10
Mine is One year. Reason being that we’re buying a house and wanted enough time to get that situated so that everything comes together. Another thing I found, was everything gets booked up a year+ in advance! I do know where your coming from-like people that have engagements years long like geeez! If you werent ready you shouldn’t have gotten engaged yet. I have a dumb joke when referring to couples that consider themself “engaged” and its “is there just a ring on it? Or are the ACTIVELY engaged in planning there wedding?” 😉
Post # 11
I agree. I’m sure it wasn’t your intention OP, but some of your wording was a little off to me 🙁
Post # 12
Well, ours was a pretty simple reason. We got engaged then a few months later he was deployed. He really wanted to help me with the planning. So it was either get hitched as soon as he got back (which I would have planned alone), or wait 11 months for him to help and also for the cold season to roll back around….. so our engagement ended up being 1 month short of 2 years, which included an 11 month deployment
Post # 13
Everything I had at my wedding wouldn’t have happened without a year’s time. My photographer would have been booked, I wouldn’t have been able to order my wedding dress, my venue would have been booked, I wanted to get married in October (got engaged in November), I wanted to give family time to make financial and travel arrangements for our wedding…the list goes on and on.
I never thought that someone would find this unbelievable…
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
It’s about money. I am just finishing school and we will be paying for everything ourselves. That and we don’t want to have any wedding debt whatsoever.
Post # 15
@misabell: The venue we wanted was booked. The photographer we wanted was booked. Our DJ would have been booked…the list goes on! I’m DIYing a lot of things and work 3 jobs, so doing it in less time would have been impossible to do while keeping sane. The wedding isn’t my life? So I needed time to do other things, too.We live together, so why speed things up for no reason other than to stress out like crazy?
Post # 16
Ours is 20 months…. we need to save money as we are paying for a good chunk of it and would not have enough for a wedding at this point. Also, most of FI’s family (mostly out of state and not wealthy by any means) also needs time to save up to attend. FI’s brother is getting married this summer, so we thought it would be considerate to family to wait one year so they didn’t have to pay to attend back-to-back weddings.