Why do you think people encourage children even in negative situations?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I think in general people don’t know what else to say. Even knowing it was a bad situation, if someone tells me they are pregnant (not a very close friend looking for advice), about the only thing I CAN say is, “Congratulations.” Most people are not in a place to question whether it’s a good idea or not, and besides that, once someone is already pregnant, many people view it as “too late” to offer any advice anyway.

That said, I wouldn’t be enthusiastic about it. If people are OTT happy and encouraging then I can’t explain that. But it is kind of like being shown pictures of someone’s baby. That baby can be the ugliest thing you have ever seen, but the only appropriate response is something nice – “He’s so handsome!” “What an adorable little guy!” or, if you are really trying not to lie, “You must be so proud!” There just isn’t any socially acceptable way to be honest, just like in the situation of someone you think should not be having a baby.

Post # 3
Member
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I mean….what are people going to say? She’s already pregnant and obviously not terminating, so what is there to say? “Wow, too bad you didn’t get an abortion in time, huh?!”

Post # 5
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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DoubleD : Agreed 100%. My phone battery is about to die so i cant elaborate… I may come back and write some stuff later. 

Post # 7
Member
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think people recognize that it’s not the baby’s “fault”, so why shit all over a new, innocent life coming into the world? What would that accomplish?

Post # 9
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve been faced with a similar situation, except this is a couple who terminated their first child because “it wasn’t the right birth month.”

When they told me she was pregnant with another, and “this is our third choice for months, which was our cut off,” I said “Okay. Hopefully it doesn’t come early and mess that up.” They hadn’t thought of that possibility. Their looks of bewilderment were priceless. 

I felt a bit bad after, but I mean … seriously? I just couldn’t pretend. I didn’t have it in me. Not the child’s fault, God bless that child. Some people just shouldn’t be reproducing. 

Post # 10
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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DoubleD :  I don’t get it either.  I don’t *congratulate* people for stupid decisions… tough love

Post # 12
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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MsPlucky :  what in the actual f***???

Are you serious???? What does that even mean?!? The right birth month??!?

👀💀🤦‍♀️

Post # 13
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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made2comment :  astologically Im guessing. 

I think Astrology is fun…but terminating a pregnancy because the birth is not during a month they like?!? Seriously?!?

Post # 14
Member
7749 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Realistically, if family disapproves so much, they need to stop enabling her by taking care of the first child. I know that it is difficult to have a child “pay” for the irresponsibility of the mother, but perhaps if she had actually had to care for the child alone without family rushing to her aid, she might’ve thought twice about doing it again without a responsible father in the picture. IMO, that would have gone a whole lot further than expressing disapproval after the fact when a second pregnancy occurs.

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