(Closed) Why do you want a wedding? (Or why DONT you?)

posted 6 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
7153 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

To celebrate with the people closest to us.  My Fiance and I both want a small wedding, and that’s just what we’re going to do!

However, sometimes I wonder if I would be happier eloping, since the money-aspect gives me anxiety.

Post # 3
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t want a wedding… at all.

I love looking at all things wedding-related (dresses, color schemes, people’s Pinterests, etc.), but the thought of being a bride in my own wedding (and having to plan it) just kills me. In my ideal world, Fiance and I would just go to the courthouse one afternoon, sign some papers, go to some fancy shmancy restaurant afterwards, stuff our faces, get hammered, and then fly off to spend a month in Europe. We could celebrate with close friends/family when we see them next.

But Fiance wants a wedding about as much as I DON’T want one (if not moreso), so we’ll probably have to do something or another. Which means I’ll be starting 87 gajillion threads with all my questions, so be prepared Bees!

Post # 4
1041 posts
Bumble bee

we are doing a small wedding in Ireland. Honestly neither of us like that much attention. I’d rather use the money toward an awesome honeymoon and save for a house. Here is costs average 50k to have a wedding. I can’t see stressing myself so my crazy family that I never see can visit their drama on me. 

Post # 5
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

I literally am in the exact same situation as TheGridMonster. 

View original reply
TheGridMonster:  girl I feel you! It’s tough, especially when people ask a ton of questions you don’t have any answers to lolol

Post # 6
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My Girlfriend is the only daughter and it would absolutely devastate her mother if we eloped and didn’t have a wedding. Also, the partying aspect and gifts. Definitely the gifts (shallow, I know). I’m looking forward to DIYing things and making a vision into reality.

Like another PP, I want to spend 3-4 weeks in Europe as a graduation present/honeymoon so the idea of spending thousands on 1 day isn’t exciting.

Post # 7
2570 posts
Sugar bee

I honestly would be so happy if we just went to the court house and got married, but Fiance wants a wedding so we are eloping to Maldives. We still have to have a courthouse wedding so we both win ๐Ÿ™‚

I think I would have huge regrets if we had a big wedding not my thing

Post # 8
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
SilverWire:  From day one, I knew I wanted the marriage, and although there are a million ways to go about accomplishing that goal, also knew we wanted all of our family and friends to witness our marriage via a wedding celebration.  From the moment we dediced that, til the moment we said our “I do’s”, I never had the ‘bride’ gene.  I kept hoping that there would be a moment in planning where it would ‘hit’ – BUT, it never did.

At no point, thru some stressful moments, or thru indecision did I regret WHY were planning this affair.  With that said, with those moments came the question: ‘Will it matter?’  Will it matter if my look is perfect?  Will it matter if we have a longer gap than anticipated between ceremony and reception?  Will it matter if I do not make every single person with an opinion happy??  No, no it will not, because I was still accomplishing my very first goal of marrying my husband.  It really kept me grounded a lot of the time.

From there, I really worked hard on staying ahead of the game with every decision that was noted on the wedding MUST DO checklist.  If it said do at 6 months, I tried to do at 9 months, etc.  That way when I got to the 2-week ‘on my god, you  have so much to do!!’ part of the checklist, my goal was to be done with it all, and enjoy those final weeks as an engaged couple.  On top of that, instead of making a deposit with my vendors, and then a final payment 14 days til the wedding, I broke up every total owed over the 9-months we had to plan, and paid them over time.  Again, it kept me grounded.

Keep your head up, and keep the final goal your first priority ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
SilverWire:  I eloped. My husband and I had a whirlwind romance, and I knew people would be concerned/skeptical about how quickly we were getting married. I didn’t want any negativity on my day. Also, I consider getting married to be a very personal thing. It’s special, and for me, not something that you need the whole world involved in. I would never want to have to deal with having to invite people I don’t partucularly like out of obligation, or dealing with +1s that I don’t want there. 

We got married on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls, in a park with the falls in the background. It was perfect and beautiful.

My only regret was not having my Mother there. She understood why we did it the way we did it, but I’m still sorry I denied her the experience of seeing me get married. That is why I’m renewing my vows. It was supposed to be this year, but it got bumped back to our 10th anniversary. I was originally going to have about 30 people involved, but now I think I’m just going to elope again, with my Mom there! I’m hoping we can all go on an awesome vacation together.

Do what is right for you. This is going to be one of the most meaningful moments of your life. There should not be any regrets about it.

Post # 10
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I never wanted a wedding before getting engaged, it wasn’t even so much I didn’t want one.. I just never gave any thought to it whatsoever. After getting engaged, I became excited to plan.

Our wedding was more like a party so I guess I still technically didn’t want a wedding because I didn’t outright plan one.

We left out a lot of the ‘traditional’ elements and planned something that was very us. The idea of celebrating our relationship surrounded by all of our family and friends was very appealing to us and looking back its still so surreal. How often do you get to see everyone you love in one place?

Post # 11
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t want one because I want to save money, I don’t like being the center of attention, I don’t want to have to deal with any family drama and I think elopements are very intimate and romantic and you can combine them with a honeymoon. Plus I’d still like to have my mother there as a witness.

Post # 12
3584 posts
Sugar bee

At first i wanted the big party but the more i think about it the less i want it. I just wanna take my money to hawaii and have a small ceremony and stay for the honeymoon. It cost so much money but my Fiance said we only get to do this once and its our first time getting married so we should have the party. I also hate attention and my Fiance is really not a talker or one to dance so im like what are we going to do the entire time. Then there is the fact that our parents are getting old and we maybe the only children  they will see get married so i wanna give them that. I just have mix emotions about it and one day i am super excited the next i am asking myself why am i doing this. 

Post # 13
1124 posts
Bumble bee

I’m the first granddaughter/cousin/niece to get married on both sides of my family, so I knew I would have to at least have my family there. Plus I knew I wanted my closest friends there. We were originally going to do just a 75 person wedding, but somehow that doubled with all the people we wanted there ๐Ÿ˜› The reason we wanted smaller was purely cost, so making it double has been a little tough, but it’s been doable so far!

Post # 14
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
FutureMrsHodgy:  Yay!!! Let’s keep in touch! ๐Ÿ™‚

And yeah, so hard to try to explain things to friends/family. They just give me blank looks like I’m a crazy person.

Post # 15
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013


View original reply
SilverWire:  My now husband and I went through this. I wanted to elope, he wanted the whole nine yards. I agreed to a smaller wedding, like 60 people. It was going to cost us an arm and a leg even doing it cheap ($20,000 min and looking more like $30,000 ) and when he realized that he came to his senses. We cancelled that, did a VERY small wedding (25 people,  including us) which ended up costing us $7000 including our rings. I do not regret it for a second. It was the best day of my life, we were surrounded by the people that truely knew us and cared about us and we didnt go into massive debt/waste a ton of money on a party to do it either. I say do what makes YOU happy. If spending $30,000 on a party isnt it, whats the point?

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