(Closed) Why do you want more than one child?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 31
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have six younger siblings, so I guess i’ve always wanted more than one child because I think having an only child would be lonely for that child haha, I couldn’t imagine being an only child

Post # 32
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I never wanted children but had an unplanned pregnancy. My daughter is now 8 years old, and we’re fairly sure we want one more child. Because I was young when she was born and the situation was less than ideal, I don’t feel that I got to enjoy pregnancy and her earliest years as much as I could have. My SO is my daughter’s daddy (her bio father has never been in her life) but he came into her life well past the baby years, and I want both to experience the whole thing with him and for him personally to experience it. It’s not so much about giving my daughter a sibling – she’ll likely be 12 by the time we have a baby, so I don’t think they’ll be particularly close – but it’s about giving each of us this shared experience.

If money and time weren’t an issue, it’s possible we’d consider having two more children, but I suspect in light of our career choices (both in academia) it’s unlikely we’ll do so. The other issue I would have with having two more babies is that it’s likely they would be fairly close in age and both very very much younger than my daughter, and I would be concerned about the family dynamics for her.

Post # 33
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Like other bees said, because I don’t want to have an only child, BUT also because we need to replenish FI’s family! He’s an only child, grandchild and great-grandchild (on one side). Also, I always wished to have more siblings than just my sister.

Post # 34
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

DH and I are on the fence. We both have 2 older brothers (Me and my brothers are 32, 30 and 24. DH and his brothers are mid-30s, 26 and 24. Both of us are the baby.) Neither of us are very close with our oldest brother. For us, the age difference was wide enough that they were adults and out of the house before we were very old. I was 8 when my brother left to go to college out of state. Both of us are really close with our middle sibling though.

We’ll be having our first baby in the month or so. I think we both like the idea of her having a sibling but were taking it one at a time. If we do go for another one, they’ll probably be 3-4 years apart. I like the idea of only one in diapers at a time and having one that can go to preschool or kindergarten while I have a baby at home.

Post # 35
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I can’t imagine only having one child. I grew up with 2 sisters and my life would probably be painfully boring (since i was such a shy kid) without someone to play with or talk to. There’s pro’s/con’s to both sides, but the pro’s of having more children easily out weigh only having one child. Right now I’m pregnant and I can’t imagine only going through this amazing experience once! I also think that children that have siblings learn valuable lessons along the way. It’s a good thing to learn that you’re not the center of attention and need to share and whatnot. Besides, by the time my child graduates HS I’ll only be 39…WAY too early (for me) to be an empty nester!

Post # 36
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

We would like at least 2 if not more.  Children bring you so much joy, and they do grow up so fast.  We want them closer in age. I have brothers that are 20 years older than me and one younger brother, I’m very close to my older brothers kids, who are closer to me in age, but i’m also close to my older brother’s.  I know that in tough times I always have someone I can go to, who has the same values and morals that I do, to talk. 

I guess my parents gave us built in friends, that can rely on each other.  It’s never just me against the world, even after my parents are gone.  My mom is already passed away and it was a major comfort having each other.   

My sil is an only child, and she made sure they had at least 2.  She said it was pretty lonely growing up, they lived out in the sticks on a non working farm, she never had anyone to play with, no one to teach her  games, or look out for her.  

Just some thoughts.

Post # 37
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

No children yet but I want to have 2 children (no more than that though).  I have 2 siblings and I can’t imagine live without them.  We fight sometimes but we make up soon after.  I think it’s nice to have a sibling because our children can then play with each other, grow up together and rely on one another.  

Post # 38
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

Very interesting topic! 

I suppose I have a few reasons.

  • I never considered having only one child. I have no negativity against anyone who is an only child, but I know I would not have wanted to be one and nor would I want that for my kids. I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters, I always had a playmate. My siblings are my best friends, especially now that we are grown. Of course we fought growing up, but I felt that having 5 siblings, all with different personality types, taught me how to get along well with many different type of people. I really appreciate that I am easy-going and can get along with even very difficult people, and partly because my parents were intentional with us learning to respect our siblings and differences. I loved the companionship/comraderie I have/had with them all my life.
  • Most only children I have met (again, not to generalize, this isn’t the case for everyone!) wished they had a sibling. They longed for that type of relationship. 
  • I believe that my faith/religion encourages multiple children, not like it’s a “duty” or I “have to” – but raising children in my faith is important for future generations.
  • I have a deep sense of nurture/motherhood inside me. I honestly never felt it that strongly until I got married though, but something about getting married sparked this desire to love and care for little ones, not just one, I wanted multiple.
  • I WANT to be a mom, I want to have the blessing of having several children to love, call my own, to care for, provide for..
  • As for how many-  I am not sure. Coming from a family of 6, I have always loved “big” families; my husband came from 5 and loved it as well. So I thought I wanted a lot (but spread out like my mom did, theres 2-4 years between each kid)… but after this pregnancy I’m not entirely sure anymore. From a completely selfish standpoint, I don’t even want to be pregnant again. But I do want more kids, I think for now I’ll say 3 but I’m open to more 🙂

Post # 39
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

No kids yet but I know I want multiple because:

1. I have an overwhelming desire that I can’t explain in any way other than I know I’d be heartbroken to have only 1 and if I couldn’t conceive another I’d absolutely adopt without question

2. I grew up with a brother and a sister and it was AMAZING. I’m very close to both siblings, and growing up my little brother was the most fun person to interact with…my older sister had very different interests from me and we didn’t play together much, but my brother was a constant source of fun. It was also like having 2 people who were devoted to having your back and being there for you, and who I wanted to be there for as well. I want that for my kids.  My friends who are only children are super fascinated by the sibling bond, and for good reason–it’s special, unique, and beautiful (on the other hand, only kids probably have a relationship to their parents I don’t understand, but I just adored having siblings)

 

Post # 40
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I always wanted multiple kids so it has never really been a question in my mind.  I also have wonderful relationships with my siblings (there were times growing up where we fought but I can’t imagine not having siblings in my life).

Post # 41
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

I have a really great relationship with both of my brothers and couldn’t imagine my life without them or their significant others. So for that reason alone, I would want my children to have the same experience.

Post # 42
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

We’re 16wks pregnant now and don’t think it’s twins…but we should find out for sure in the next three weeks. We’re planning on two biological children and one adopted child. I am completely confident that we could support three children and give them all reasonable opportunities to succeed. For this baby, we’ve gotten all gender neutral items and will be cloth diapering, so I believe that our “start up costs” for having the second and third child will be minimal. We’re planning on approximately 2 years in age difference between the kids. Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans though, right? At the end of the day, we’ll be happy with whatever we’re blessed with.

Post # 43
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We want to have two. Although one kid would be cheaper, in all other aspects two is the right number for us. We come from families with 3 kids each, and all the adult “only kids” I know say they didn’t really like it (being the only one). We think that having to live with another kid teaches a little one a lot about life. So as long as we can afford it, we’ll be trying to have two. And it may sound crazy, but we want to have them no more than 2 years apart. 

Finally, we went to get one kitten (5 years ago!) and ended up taking home two brothers that are just so happy with us. We couldn’t imagine having just one. So there’s a sense of “twos” in our home. 

Post # 44
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am going through this now. DD is 11 months old. We bring her everywhere, have gone on vacation with her, we bring her out to dinner with us on the weekends, and generally our lives have not gone too haywire since having a baby ( well, minus those first three months). Adding a second child to the equation is a game changer. I feel selfish for wanting to keep part of my life to myself, but at the same time, I feel like DD deserves a sibling because I have such great relationships with mine.

That said, I have to get over my hatred of pregnancy. I hated every second of it.

Post # 45
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I grew up as #2 of 2 and ALWAYS imagined my future with two kids. I have an 18 month old and another on the way in July. I just can’t imagine our Roo not having a sibling. And I can’t imagine not chasing after two kids and family vacations with the 4 of us 🙂

Now I’m trying to figure out if 2 is the magic number or if we’d like to add more. For us I think this will be the last one. I don’t love the 1st half of pregnancy. Financially it would limit our lifestyle which I’m not sure we want to sacrifice. Things like cars and trips seem more complicated when you move from a family of 4 to a family of 5 🙂 Oh yeah – and I think my husband would have a heart attack! But we’ll see!

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