(Closed) Why do you want to be married?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee

For me, a marriage is the beginning of a ‘family’. My Fiance and I have not lived together, and were our situation different, we would not be living together until we are married (due to his beliefs, not mine). Due to our circumstances, though, he’d have to find a rental for like..3 months and spend a bunch of unnecessary money if we wanted to maintain that. So we will be moving in together before marriage. But really, in my opinion, while we are a partnership now, and we love each other and all those things, we aren’t family until we’re married. And that’s very important to me.

Post # 32
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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CassidyInLove:  we lived together for 6.5 years before we were engaged. But for me i feel things did change after marriage. why did i want to get married? besides the usual, be able to make desisions for him, financial partner: we kept our money farly seperate before marriage. and some our duties such as housework and what not. now i dont care. we just do what we have to and try hard to help each other out when we can. our money is our money now. , commitment and reasurance, make an honest woman out of me ๐Ÿ˜‰ hehe, and the main reason because i love him to death!, i do believe marriage is a sacrament. i wanted us to declare our undieing love in front of god, our friends, and family. afterwards i do feel expectations change for me and him. He expects more out of my now that im his wife, yes even after 6.5 years. more responsiblities. he owns his own buisness which is well now mine. also my responsiblities with his family as well. now that im for sure in it for the long haul, i invest in his and he invests in my family more then we did before. My DH is gone a lot for work. resently this whole winter. being a woman and waiting 6 months is hard. being married makes me stronger in my times away from him, which is often. he is also out to sea all summer months, every year. i would also never purchuse a home without marriage. i need one commitment before the next lol. now i feel we can do that and start a family. i wouldnt want to start a family without being married either. 

Post # 35
Hostess
9128 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

For me personally, I want to get married so I am firmly on the same team with my SO. We are in it to win it, forever. It offers secutiry etc and a good foundation for bring up children (of course I am not bashing any single parents, or people who have had children but not got married – not at all!).

We both come from families where our parents have been married 30+ years, so we both see the benefit of a strong family unit, based on a strong marraige. Of course, that, plus being in love! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 37
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Fiance and I have basically been a married couple for the past year and a half. We share a house, a bed, money and everything else. We have a family in the form of three lovely pets and in the next few years we will be adding children. The only thing missing is a marriage certificate. Ultimatly we want to marry so we have rights as a couple and so we are seen as one by law. So if anything terrible did ever happen to one of us the other is protected.

Personally I don’t believe that you have to be married to have a commitment or one another. Nor do I believe marriage is important for raising kids as I was brought up in a home with two very unhappy married parents! But we all see things with different eyes, my parents marriage has given me these opinions. Especially the opinion I have regarding commitment because you are married as divorce us do easy!!

Post # 38
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think this is a great question- especially for all the waiting bees out there! I don’ t know about you ladies, but I sometimes get so caught up in the idea of the proposal, the ring, the wedding dress, the flowers, the party, the honneymoon…that I sometimes lose sight of WHY I want to be married in the first place. 

I was never the kind of girl who dreamed of my wedding day and having kids. I wanted a great career as a lawyer and wanted to travel. When I met my bf, this all changed. I still want a great career and to travel, but now I want to share all that with him. I love him so much that I can’t wait to meet our kids. I love him so much that I want to be there for him through all stages of his life. I love him so much that I wanna be there through all the good times and the bad times. 

I can’t wait to wear that ring on my finger to tell the world we’re togehter forever. That we chose each other. I want to be married for our kids. I want to be married to show out comitment to one another. I want to be married to celebrate our love in front of all our firends and family. And most of all, I want to be married to him because I can’t imagine being with anyone else. 

Post # 39
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
CassidyInLove:  For Fiance and I: Marriage means that we are committed to each other through life, through it all, and that we are making this commitment public to the rest of the world and in our faith. To be honest, it’s not a huge change because we have been living together for 3 years. We are not “financially independent” since we are both in grad school and living on loans, but if we waited to both be independent that would be 4 more years, and we’ve already been together for almost 4 years. I know a lot of people wait that long but we don’t want to. We are definitely each other’s number one most important person. Heaven forbid, I would want legal rights if he ended up in the hospital or something. 

Fiance is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, to go through everything together. I can’t imagine someone who I would get along so well with. We share so many of the same values and we have gone through our deal breakers to make sure that this is a relationship that will work. I can’t imagine a better man to be the father of our children ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I am getting so excited to get married! 6 more weeks!

I also wonder if there’s more that I don’t know that this is all about. I am not married yet, so I think I will find out more about why people get married after we get married. A Rabbi told me that when she got married, she felt that it deepened her friendship with her husband. So maybe that will happen ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 40
Member
6523 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

CassidyInLove:  DH and I were very young when we met, 18 and he was 19. We didn’t get married until this past Sept. I was 28 he was 29. <br /><br />

Marriage really is just a piece of paper however, its a really powerful piece of paper. That paper is binding two people together. Its the ultimate committement to one another that no matter how hard it gets, you have to work at your relationship. 

Now there are people who think that you don’t need to sign that “piece of paper” to be fully committed to eachother, and thats their perogitive.

But for us, its more than that. Getting married brought us even closer together, he is my partner, my best friend, my lover, my companion, he is everything I could ever need and vice versa. I can’t imagine my life with someone else. He is the one I want to wake up to every morning, he is the one I want to go through the good and bad times with. I can’t wait to see him be a father to our future kids. THinking about it makes my heart melt.

Post # 41
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

Marriage to me is a lifetime commitment. It’s a way of telling the world that I chose to be with this man, and this man only, for the rest of my life. He is the only one in my life that I can be 100% my true self. He’s the only one that I can tell absolutely anything to, he’s the only one who understands me and knows a lot about me that no one else does. He’s my partner in life and I can’t picture what it would be like without him. I can see myself having his children and growing old with him. 

I married him because it’s my way of telling him, and everyone else, that I am his forever. That I want to experience life with him. I also see marriage as a way of joining our two families and forming one. If we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t know if I could really feel like we were family. Marriage completes that link.

Post # 42
Member
5364 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

First, I want to say this is a great question and you seem wise beyond your years!

Now onto my reasons. We’ve been together almost 5 years, living together 3, and we have a beautiful furbaby. I am an only child and both of my parents were deceased by the time I turned 16. My boyfriend also lost his mom when he was 17. We have my grandfather, and his stepdad & his wife, but other than each other we don’t really have a family. We all consider each other family now, but I believe once we are married I will really feel like a “family”. I love him with all of my heart and I do not see my life with anyone else. I just want to be able to give my children the life I only had for 11 years before I lost my mom. Also because we are so accustom (probably a better way to describe it) to death, I want to be the person to make those tough decisions if something were to happen to him. I also want the other legal benefits, and the respect that comes along with “husband and wife.” I also want a gorgeous ring on my finger, even though I am aware its more than just that. I’m just excited because he just put the deposit down toward my ring yesterday so that’s all I can think about right now since the rest of my world is crumbling around me right now and that’s the only happy thing! I also want to marry him because he has been my partner and rock for this crazy ride called life and I want him to continue to be. Now he’s gonna be stuck with me

Post # 43
Member
39 posts
Newbee

living alone is very tired.

Post # 44
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

View original reply
CassidyInLove:  

Marriage – legal (and social) recognition of our decision to create a family together (for the moment we have cats, but that isn’t the point, you can be your own family unit without kids). If we were religious then also what ever marriage means in the contexts of our two faith backgrounds (a holy seal of approval on our sex life perhaps? Meh).

Wedding – celebration of our decision to commit to each other and to share our lives together (woo). To fulfill social and cultural obligations and do this within our and our families’ expectations (and spiritual beliefs).

I see the two as very different things.

I think part of why I like it is it’s something that is very difficult to do ‘accidentally’. You can very passively move in together (saves rent!), for most people you can very easily have a physical relationship (that’s how most of us are wired, holding off is what takes energy) but rom-coms set in Vegas aside it is hard to get passively married to someone.

I would always prefer to be married before having children, but that is a preference that I acknowledge is not particularly based on any real need. It is not necessary where we live to be married, we would not be disadvantaged particularly if we chose never to be so. From some research I have seen kids brought up in households where their parents are married have a very slightly better chance of coming out ‘alright’? That is a weak trend though and it’s not going to make the difference on a case by case basis where all the other factors are the same.

I wish marriage were an option for more people, I am so sorry that many LGBTQI families don’t have this choice and I really hope that this changes in the future. I am not ‘straight’ so I am very keenly aware that if I had fallen head over heels for a lady version of my fiancé we would be getting married (overseas in a registry office) only to come home and not be considered married. The idea is frankly heartbreaking.

Post # 45
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

My mum is on her third marriage, my dad is also on his third marriage. I went through a time when I didn’t think very much of marriage as a commitment as I have seen my parents marry and divorce each other and other people numerous times throughout my life.

My Fiance and I have been friends over 12 years, together 5, living together for 4 years. We only recently decided to marry, however being his wife is something I have wanted for some time.

He is a end stage renal patient and is quite ill with this, I do have to face facts that his illness make shorten our time together, We really want to us to be married if anything were to happen to him. Obviously this will make me his direct next of kin, which is something we see as a huge bonus to being married.

 I have a child from a previous relationship whom I do not share my last name with, but this is something I have gotten used too. I would love another child but that it a massive wait and see game, due to my own health issue as well as his.

I am due to be screened to see if we are compatible for kidney donation, I see this as a huge commitment to my Fiance one I have no doubts over taking. I believe being man and wife will complete our relationship, I have no concerns that we are already fully committed to each 100% It just seems so right to be taking this next step.

 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by  angiedoll.

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