(Closed) Why do you want to have kids?

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Daizy914:  Because I was bored with my current married without children life.

No really. I was getting bored as a married woman. I love my husband, I love traveling, I love being able to live a very adult life, but for me it got dull. I wanted something new to shake up my life. I wanted to create a life to help shape someone into a unique individual who will hopefully contribute something to society. I want a new challenge in my life and so does my husband. It will be hard and there will be days we will probably look at each other and wonder why the hell we signed up for this, (just like I do sometimes when I think of my career choice and my marriage) but for us, its something new to embark in together…and that for us is parenthood.

Post # 18
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’ve always just had a strong maternal instinct. I grew up surrounded by little kids all the time (my mom runs a daycare at home), and I love kids. FH loves kids as well, and he’s great with them. He’ll be a great dad! We will both be teachers as well, where I think our schedules will fit better with the kid’s schedule when they are in school, as opposed to if we had other careers and work hours.

We want to create and grow our own little family. FH is Serbian and I’m not, and we think it’s neat that we can teach this kid (or kids) two languages and different cultures as they are growing up.

I find that, especially among my age demographic (I’m 23), having kids or wanting kids is seen in a negative light for some reason. And yet, the child free lifestyle is still seen in a negative light as well. It’s important for people to decide how they want their life to turn out.

Post # 19
Member
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I always knew that I didn’t want children and I’ve always been pro-choice, but then I found out I was pregnant with twins.  I always thought it would be a very easy decision for me to terminate an unwanted pregnancy, but when I was actually put in that position I discovered I just couldn’t do it (I’m still pro-choice).  I honestly never realized that I could fall in love so quickly, but as soon as those two little babies showed up on the ultrasound, I was smitten.  Plus, my husband will be a wonderful father, we’re financially stable, live in a great neighborhood, etc., so the timing is just right.

Post # 20
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I used to be very torn. Some days I would want kids, other days I felt like I knew I absolutely didn’t want them. Then I met SO and he wants kids. He’s great with them, he’s an elementary school teacher. I’ve finally realized that yes, I do, and I want them with him. I think we will make great parents and I can’t wait to start a family down the road. Two kids max, I don’t want a large family, but I can’t wait to go on family vacations, watch them achieve developmental milestones, help them with homework, see my parents as grandparents, and see them go off to college. And I think having children will bring me and SO even closer together. It’s sort of a natural instinct I guess.

 

Post # 21
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Daizy914:  I’ve always wanted to be a mother. My Fiance has always wanted to be a dad. I have a huge desire to have children, and it would honestly be one of the worst things if it never ended up happening for me (BUT I am all for adoption, surrogacy, and other options so I will probably have kids no matter what!)

Post # 22
Member
4029 posts
Honey bee

@Daizy914:  Haha, Darling Husband and I have had this conversation quite a few times actually…the result is, we are still undecided. 

Reason why we want to have a kid:

  • We both have some maternal/paternal urges. 
  • We both work at a school and love interacting with our students (well, the 5th, 6th and 9th graders at least–not a fan of the hormonal 7th and 8th graders). 
  • We also have a desire to raise a child because we enjoy caring for relatives/friends children. We envision creating a family and having that experience.

Reasons why NOT to have kids: 

  • They cost a lot of money. I don’t care what people on the bee say about “oh you don’t have to spend that much.” I am going to call bullshit on that. You either have to pay for child care for the first 5 years or not work, which means lost wages (unless you have a special arrangement for free care). 
  • Health care, food, necessities (clothing, diapers, furniture), entertainment, and other costs rack up.
  • College expenses–we would want to help out in some way, and costs are only going up
  • Free time = gone. Sure, being with your child would be great, but the demands on your time increase. It cuts down on spontaneity 
  • The infant/early months = minimal sleep, lots of crying, stress, re-adjusting. Sure it doesn’t last long, but then you have…the terrible twos, the rebellious teen years and all the other potential drama to come.
  • What if your kid ends up being a socio-path or serial killer? Ok, sure you can be a good parent and hope that nuture wins out..but nature can be pretty messed up sometimes (lol, j/k on this one…kind of).

As you can tell, the reasons NOT to have a child currently outweigh the reasons to have a child. Therefore, our rationale is to not have a child right now. Perhaps, in the future when the reasons to have a child increase or are strong enough, we will consider it. We are currently 25 and 27 right now, so we have a decent amount of time to decide. If we do, we don’t plan on even trying to have children for another 5-7 years.

Post # 23
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I always wanted kids for no reason other that I figured I would regret it if I didn’t. Bad reason really.

When I met my Fiance that changed. I want to have children with him because I LOVE parenting with him. He has a daughter from a previous marriage an we have a blast living that lifestyle together. There is so much love in our home because of her. My fiance and share the best love in the world that I could ever ask for, but having a little person that we work our butts off for adds an entirely new dimension to our relationship. It is the most amazing feeling to watch her fall asleep and look at one and other and think “wow. We mean the world to her, and she means the world to us”

And we have one anyway, so we are already doing the parenting “thing” why not throw a couple more in for the ride while we are at it!

 

Post # 24
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t want to have kids because I’m selfish and don’t want to be accountable to another human being for the rest of my life. That sounds like a living nightmare.

Post # 25
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@KC-2722:  exactly how i felt!

I didn’t want the responsibility, all the things i would have to give up, no more luxuries, I loved being on my own schedule, smoking, drinking, etc etc…. the idea of looking like a whale and the possibility of growing a penis inside my belly freaked me out.

then i met my SO and he was like LETS MAKE A BABY. I was 27 at the time and I said HELL f*** NO. but I dont know, maybe my invisible maternal clock was ticking and so i agreed..

our daughter came along. I didn’t fall in love with her the instant i met her. the first couple of months was so hard, i didn’t have any family close by, had to do everything by myself, I was a human cow… then i slowly but surely fell in love with this little human SO and I’ve created. there were lots of tears. somedays they were happy tears… some days they were sad/miserable tears… 2 years have passed since the day she came to the world and I dont think I would have my life any other way. It’s such an amazing feeling being a mom, knowing that I’ve created her and that she will forever be my little munchkin.

I still do stress out every single day over the cost of raising a child though. I want to send her to private school and pay for her college/gradschool education and those figures just blow my mind. somedays i wake up in the middle of the night panicing. its crazy. but then i hear her call for me “mommy~” with a big cheezy grin on her face and i know everything will be okay. 🙂

 

Post # 26
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I used to be very scared of the idea of kids. I am not a kid person, at all.

But then I met Fiance, fell in love and started picturing our kids.

Little persons, half me, half the person I love most in the whole world. The thought is amazing for me.

I don’t want kids YET, but I’ll love to have them someday 🙂

Post # 27
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

I have always known that I want to have kids in the future! I just have maternal insticts like I need to care for everyone and anything that crosses my path. I love babies and children, and I even work with them. At one point I wondered if I was really fit to be a mother someday. I realized that after I started my nanny job I am because despite how horrible my days at work can be I genuinely want to have children of my own each and everyday after I return home from work.

Post # 28
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Daizy914:  i wanted to have kids because my family is awesome and have enriched my lives so much that i wanted to pass that on. 

Fiance didn’t have a similar experience and now I read bloggers like Dooce or parent bloggers that “keep it real” and becoming a parent terrifies me. 

So, I might want kids, but I’m scared. 

Post # 29
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

my husband and i are intelligent, loving, and moral people but we are not immortal. we want to replace ourselves in society.

Post # 30
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

@TaurianDoll:  interesting way to look at it – I like!

Post # 31
Bee
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - El Faro Convention center, Aguadilla, Puerto Rico

I’ve always wanted children and we’ve got baby fever bad but will be waiting 1 more yr before TTC.

I look at my Mr. Boa and think about how much I love him. Then I imagine carrying this little bean inside me that is *OURS… we made it, we will nurture it and watch it grow. Out of our love and our commitment, we get to create another human being. Another person on this earth will be alive because of us and I can’t think of anything more wonderful than living that experience.

It’s like falling in love all over again, that pull you feel towards your significant other, the joy they bring into your life. For me children are just pure joy, and I honestly can’t wait to be called Mom by our little one. Along with the joy come the hardships, and the heartache and the responsability but I belive the good outweighs the bad a million times over. If you really want to be a mother everything else in the universe will sort work itself out.

 

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