(Closed) Why do you want to have kids?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

Because we wanted to outbreed the normals.

Post # 17
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I think there’s a specific level of fulfillment and joy that you get out of having kids.  It’s a huge sacrifice, but you get so many fascinating and wonderful life gifts in return.  Being able to experience first-hand the molding and development of a new human is really amazing to me.  FH and I are also really excited to share our own personal passions and interests with our future kids, so the teaching and nurturing element is very important for us too.  I also think parenting is a really huge challenge for relationships, but can make them so much stronger in the long run.

Post # 18
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

There is something uniquely beautiful about committing your life for another being. There is something uniquely beautiful about children, and the joy they bring people around them. There is something incredibly humbling about having children – they make you feel like you no longer matter – they matter. You would do anything and be anything just for their happiness. It’s also been shown having children makes you live longer, makes you less likely to get depression, and makes you more sociable. And, in cases where the parents actually love each other more than their children (which is supposed to be the case, fyi), marriages become stronger with children. 

Children, when raised right and loved right, are not figuratively a source of happiness. They are LITERALLY a source of happiness. And I believe that I, and whoever I marry, have that ability to love them right and raise them right, so that even in just our little corner of the world, there is more happiness. 

Post # 19
Member
915 posts
Busy bee

I’ve always loved kids, and am very blessed to have the opportunity to raise my own little human, watch and help her develop and turn into a kind and empathetic person. It’s an incredible experience for those who know they are ready to be parents. The love, laughter, and joy she brings us is indescribable.

i felt this way about my dogs too, but with my kid, there’s an order of magnitude of difference in the bond I feel. 

 

Post # 20
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

Aw! It’s so nice to read this thread. As a person who is trying to make the decision of whether or not to have kids (at this point we are leaning toward no) it’s awesome to see how many warm, caring, and empathetic people are becomeing parents and loving it!

Post # 21
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana

Honestly, because so much joy comes from seeing their joy.    Seeing their milestones.  So much pride in their accomplishments.and if you’re lucky, someone to take care of you when you’re old. 

Post # 22
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

I don’t really belong in this thread because I’m childfree by choice, but I was curious to see everyone’s answers because, from my perspective, it’s hard to fathom why anyone would want kids. If I may respectfully ask about a trend I noticed in a lot of these answers?

The notion of a “mini-me.” For people who cited that as a reason for wanting kids, how attached are you to the expectation that your kids will turn out like you? I ask because I think it’s really common for parents to assume that their kids will grow up to be just like them, but that doesn’t usually happen. Would you be disappointed if your kids turn out to be quite different from you? Different personality, different interests, different values, different life goals?

This happened to my mom. I think I turned out pretty well (if I do say so myself), but my mother has always expressed disappointment in all the ways that we’re different. For example, pushing Judaism on me for as long as I’ve been alive (my parents aren’t religious, I think they just like the community aspect of it), no matter how hard I pushed back. I’ve never considered myself Jewish, and now that I’m an adult, I don’t participate in any of the customs or holidays (as a kid I had no choice). I went in a completely different direction and followed a Wiccan path. I wasn’t trying to be rebellious or anything, those are just my beliefs. To this day, my mom tries to get me to join them for services and holidays, but I just don’t want to. She won’t even tell people that I’m Wiccan, she finds that horribly embarrassing. She was shocked when I told her that SO and I will not be having a Jewish wedding. His family isn’t Jewish and I don’t consider myself Jewish, so I don’t know why she thought we’d be having a Jewish wedding. She always expected me to marry a Jewish guy too (because that’s what she did!) but that’s not what I was looking for.

And when I first told her that I don’t want kids…well, let’s just say it’s been a long road getting her to accept that. She went through all the stages of grief: denial (she didn’t believe me, she thought I would eventually change my mind), anger (how could I do this to her?), bargaining (what if she agreed to babysit whenever I wanted? maybe I could just have one child? maybe I could marry a guy who would agree to do all the childcare so I wouldn’t have to?), depression (she wants grandchildren and always assumed I would give that to her), and finally acceptance. Mostly because I finally met a guy who doesn’t want kids either, so she finally had to give up on the hope that I would be forced to have kids in order to keep a husband.

Anyway, those are just a few examples. Don’t get me wrong, my mother is wonderful and I love her. But I feel like she’s spent my whole life trying to turn me into a copy of herself, and she seemed really sad when she realized it wasn’t happening. So I’m curious to know if people would still be eager to have kids, even if they didn’t expect their kid to be a “mini-me.”

Post # 23
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I’ve known that I’ve always wanted kids but the idea became a reality when I met my SO. 

Since I am an old bee I try not to worry about getting pregnant and all that because family happens in alot of different ways. 

Post # 24
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
cypresstree85 :  of course people would and are still eager to have children even if they’re not their “mini-mes”! It’s a longing one feels, a need to fulfill, love of children. Everyone is different and cfbc is ok too!

Post # 25
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I want to continue my family legacy. I want to do my best to leave my mark on the future. 

Post # 26
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee

 

Comment removed for baiting, and criticizing life choices made by others. 

Post # 28
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’ve always known I wanted kids, but I’ve never really thought about the reasons why. Here are some that come to mind: 

Because children complete my family

Because I love seeing myself and my husband reflected in our children

Because I would be bored otherwise

Because I can’t wait to watch them learn and grow from tiny humans into adults

Because I want my house to be filled with people, love and family

Because I want my children (and grandchildren) around in my old age

Because there is nothing better than the unconditional love of child

Post # 29
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
dobby98 :  “I just don’t get what they do with all their time! They go to work, come home and chill, eat, sleep. Repeat. Yes they enjoy each other’s company but there’s nothing very lively about their home lives” 

 

I think this is a little extreme. What did you do before you had kids? Did you have hobbies? Volunteer? Play sports? Socialize with friends? DH and I want kids, but don’t have them yet. We have plenty of things to fill our lives and create a lively home environment. 

Post # 30
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

We are TTC but I find the “would be bored otherwise” and ‘what do CFBC couple a do with their time?” commenrs strange. D.H and I will be just as happy together if it doesn’t happen. I don’t understand how adults get bored. Aside from spending time with each other, we see friends, have hobbies, I volunteer, we are doing house renovations. I don’t think I’ve feltbored since I was about 15.

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