- 3 years ago
Commemts removed by mod for baiting and criticizing nesting choices.
Commemts removed by mod for baiting and criticizing nesting choices.
I want kids because my relationship with my family has been the most meaningful relationship of my life, up until meeting my soon-to-be husband. I’ve always marveled at how our family is this wonderful thing that was created out of my parent’s marriage, a beautiful thing they built together that literally didn’t exist before. My parents & sister & I are honestly like really close friends in some ways at this point. We support each other & just plain love spending time together. They’re the people who are always there for me no matter what. I’ve also wanted to create that with my partner also.
If you don’t know what people without children do, then ask them.
They’ll be my retirement plan (just kidding)! But to be honest, my reason is a selfish one. I didn’t grow up in a close knit family so I want kids so I can give them the home life I always wanted (and by default experience it myself). Aiming to have 2 kids although if time and finances allowed, i would have 3 or 4.
And I think my wording is bad- I know CFBC couples dedicate time to other things like work, traveling, volunteering, etc. I just mean that I personally would not find these things fulfilling in place of not having kids. I think that’s what I was trying to get at those whole time and ended up way too wordy 🤦🏻♀️ Currently battling a cold and my thoughts are jumbled! *I* don’t know what I would do with my time for 40+ years if I don’t have kids *personally*. CFBC people clearly do find activities to occupy themselves with… Good for them!
I truly apologise if if I offended anyone. Not my intention. I just think this subject is one where it’s hard to put one’s self in the other side’s shoes. I know I struggle to do so.
I always felt very strongly that I could go either way – having children or remaining CFBC. But Dh wanted children, so it was a package deal. Additionally, I love life, learning and new experiences and I felt it would be wonderful to share that with a new generation. And while having infants was a miserable experience (complete exhaustion and no sleep), I have loved my children more and more as they’ve gotten older. They’re turning into really cool people (of course, if they were complete as*holes, that would be my fault, too)!
I do find the term “mini-me” to be distasteful, as I never had any expectation that my children would be like me or Dh. Indeed, my children look nothing like me, as they are all blond haired, blue eyed and very, very tall (like Dh), even though all of those things are supposed to be recessive. But seriously, I exposed my children to art, music, sports, and all sorts of other things and then let them choose what their passions were. I’ve always told them that as long as they’re involved in something, that’s all I expect, and they have all chosen very different interests.
Last, I find some of the comments about CFBC couples to be distasteful, too. IMO, the people who cannot figure out why others would not want to have children are often the same people who are lost once their children go off to college or to live independently. EVERYONE ought to have a life outside of their children (should they choose to have them) that is fulfilling and satisfying. Children were important to Dh and therefore to me, but I would also have had a fulfilling and satisfying life without them. My children are important, but I am important, too, outside of my reproductive capabilities.
My family growing up (and still now) has always been very family oriented. My grandparents were like the head of the family and I don’t even think they had friends in their later years – their whole lives were build around their kids and their siblings and cousins, etc. I always wanted that for myself! I honestly never even considered not having kids. Before I met DH, I told myself in 2 years if I still hadn’t met someone, I would move closer to my family and get a sperm donor. I laugh at myself now thinking how hard it would be to do it alone, but I definitely would have.
But I also think some of the comments are weird.. what do you mean you wouldn’t know what to do without kids? Didn’t you not have kids at some point? I remember very vividly the late nights out, sleeping in, doing anything and everything on a whim. Fond memories! We love our son and are planning to have more but we do sometimes daydream of the time when they are grown and we able to do those things again!
So I was basically raised being told that being a Stay-At-Home Mom was the ultimate life goal. My mom recently told me she and my dad hit a rocky point in their marriage because he hadn’t told her he was offered to go back to a job he had been let go of, and she had to go to work because of it instead of staying home with her 5 kids.
My mom’s ultimate identity is being a mother, now grandmother too, and because of this I always assumed I’d have kids. Then I got older and realized that having a bunch of kids and not working and contributing more to society and to my family financially would not be fulfilling enough to me. I totally get that that works for many women and their families but I wish it wasn’t such an assumption in my (religious of course) upbringing. I almost laugh that of my four sisters, all of us 27+, none of us have kids yet. And my SIL mom-of-three had kids a little older and is a full time career woman lol.
Now to your question – I don’t have kids yet but I still want a couple. I’m 30 and only started getting legitimate baby fever in the last year or two and thinking about why I actually want to bring a child into the world. First off I do think I’ll feel slightly more fulfilled becoming a parent. There’s only so much working all day, tv watching or going out at night, and little trips with my husband or friends that won’t start to get a little monotonous to me. Also, my husband also wants kids and I know he’d be a great father. I know I could take care of kids’ physical needs but I think he’ll be great at raising them to be educated, curious and engaged in the world. He even talks about his plans for their education and about making sure they are well traveled and such. I’m also willing to take on a lot of the challenges that could come with parenthood. As much as it scares me I’ve accepted that I‘m not guaranteed the healthiest, smartest, easiest kid/person which I think means I’m ready.
As much as I feel like I’m getting “old” – I’m three months away from being the age my mom was when she got pregnant with my youngest sibling, and we won’t start trying for at least five months – I’m glad to have had the time to mature and really understand myself before bringing another person or two into the world, and not just doing it because pregnancy and babies sound *fun*. They still seem fun in so many ways too!! My husband says he likes the idea of three, and a big thing I have against this is just that bringing any single person technically unwillingly into the world is not to be taken lightly. Oh and when you plan to pay for daycare and/or college they’re so expensive!
I think what rubs me the wrong way about those comments is that you can state your opinion without taking a jab at someone else’s.
If I prefer cheese pizza, I can just say that. I don’t have to say that I like cheese pizza and can’t imagine how someone would allow pepperoni pizza to touch their lips.
I have always wanted kids for a couple of reasons. The first being I always wanted to be a mom and have a big family. Secondly I specifically want to have my own children biologically because I am adopted. I have no idea what it’s like to have someone in your life that looks like you. I really don’t want to miss the opportunity to have a little mini me and get to experience what it’s like for most people who have relatives that look like them.
Growing up I would go to church often with my parents and over the years I saw several women who grew older and most of them were single and never had kids. When they got to be older and couldn’t take care of them selves my parents out of kindness would step in and have them be sort of like unofficial grandparents to me. I basically saw firsthand how depressing it was to see a woman in her old age with no family whatsoever to take care of her. I loved these women in my life but often found it incredibly depressing. I did see some women in this situation who didn’t have kids of their own but they were close to their own family and their nieces and nephews and had a very happy life without kids, so I don’t speak for all people who didn’t decide to have kids. I can only speak for how my experience left an impression on me that I never wanted to be like those women. I want to be older and have my family and grandkids around me. I also I’m so in love with my boyfriend that the idea of getting to see him be a dad is so exciting to me and makes me smile.
I didn’t want kids at all until I met DH. I want us to have “more” in our relationship (if that makes any sense). I want to make a little person that has a mix of me and a little him and raise that person to be a strong amazing person because I know that’s what we would. IDK it’s just a feeling that I’ve only ever had with him and now it’s what I want.
I am also really not close to my family and my DH is extremely close to his family and I want that.
I also want to add that our relationship is very fulfilling and if ur doesn’t happen for us, it doesn’t make our relationship any less meaningful but if we could have kids I know it would only make us closer.
To answer the OP, ionno I think they’re kinda cute!
I don’t have kids yet but hope to start trying mid-end of next year. What’s funny with me is that up until recently I never particularily LOVED kids. I always felt uncomfortable holding them, playing with them, making baby talk at them etc. It just never came natural to me. Nannying some girls while in college over the summer really helped with that. Even through the uncomfortable feelings, I still always knew I wanted to be a mom. I guess i’ve always held out hope that it’s different when it’s your own kids. I picture myself having a good sized, loud, laughing, smiling family. I want all the family memories, holiday traditions, watching my kids do sports/activities. It’s funny but once I started working full time (and I do love my job) I just noticed that a huge career is never going to give me fufillment. I crave family things. That’s what my heart wants! It’s hard to articulate but I just know that having a family with my husband is what will give me the most joy in my life.
It all comes down to personality and what you find rewarding/fulfilling. I don’t particularly enjoy children, so I wouldn’t find it fulfilling to be a parent. I would find it stressful. And the lack of free time would kill me. But some people thrive in chaotic environments. Not me, lol. Chaos gives me a headache.
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