Why do you want to have kids?

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
669 posts
Busy bee

camenae :  ah Lord my post is clearly being misinterpreted. I was stating MY opinion. And I too have lived nearly 3 decades fulfillingly without a kid. But I personally feel the next step to having an even more fulfilling life is having kids. I can’t imagine an ADDITIONAL couple of decades without kids. I can’t imagine being in my 40’s and it still just being me and my husband at home without any kids. 

It’s like I couldn’t have imagined not going to college. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea and is not fulfilling for some but is for others. 

Post # 47
Member
669 posts
Busy bee

cypresstree85 :  yeah I also acknowledged that it comes down to diiffeent mind sets and personalities! I know that not everyone wants to run after kids. I’m happy you know that kids aren’t for you and are living your best life that makes you and your SO happy! 

Post # 48
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I want to have kids because I want to be proud of raising good, kind people. I want the joys of hearing those darned things that they’ll say and the shock of their early understanding of things. 

I found a man who is going to be a wonderful father and he is secretly baby crazy ๐Ÿ™‚

We want to share our love for Christ, nature, sport and science with our future family ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m so excited ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 49
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

dobby98 :  Oh I hope you don’t take my replies as being hostile to you. Tone doesn’t travel well in print format but I don’t want to come across that way. Was simply trying to say that I don’t see it as an “even more fulfilling life” but rather a “different kind of fulfilling life.”

I would also be able to imagine an additional couple decades or however long without kids. It’s not what I personally prefer, and if the additional couple of decades without kids are due to infertility, or any other reason that it happened not by my choice, that would be heartbreaking. I wouldn’t like it at least not immediately, but I can certainly imagine it and I’m sure I would still find it fulfilling, just in a different way. 

I can imagine my life without having gone to college too. In fact I already sometimes find myself wishing I’d had much less schooling, so I could have chosen a more support career, rather than the more strategizing/decision-making type role I have now. That way I can truly just clock in clock out come home and do what I want to do.  I work to live and am not ambitious at all. 

College played a big big part in shaping who am I as a person today, but it’s not all of me. My child (children now that I’m pregnant again) is the same.  

Post # 50
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

I do not have kids yet, but I have always wanted to. Even when I was really really little I had a bunch of baby dolls that I treated like real babies. I’ve never really wanted to be anything other then a parent and for me personally I don’t think I will be fufilled until I have children. 

Post # 51
Member
8755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

dobby98 :  People aren’t misinterpreting what you said. They are questioning why you have to shit on the CFBC lifestyle in order to express why you want kids. Why is being CFBC even relevant to the conversation of why someone personally wants kids?

Great to see all the bee’s who are happy with their choice to become parents and all those looking forward to it in the future.

Post # 52
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

 

dobby98 :  I actually find it a little sad about the way you view life with just your husband.   I’m in my 40s and I love life with  my husband. We just have so much fun together.   It’s also coming up on our two favorite seasons when we do most of our hiking and adventuring together. If life for you isn’t enough or fulfilling without kids then it’s not but there’s more than one path to fulfillment and not everyone without kids is sitting around an empty house bemoaning their life without kids.  And nobody is taking your comments the wrong way.  You posted wondering how anyone could find a life without kids satisfying or fulfilling and wondered what they did with all their time.  People that truly don’t want kids do not find life with children satisfying or fulfilling.  

Post # 53
Member
1134 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest I would feel incomplete without having kids. Hubby and I are about to start TTC, if there were ever any massive problems then I would be keen to adopt. 

BUT, also, me and hubby have an awesome life as is! Like I can totally see why people are CFBC. Imagine how much you could travel, do whatever you wanted on a whim etc. 

xo 

Post # 54
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’ve always assumed I would have children. I have always loved children, and at every family gathering I would be the one naturally designated to look after (and play with) the kids. My extended relatives are all very religious, and so what I have grown up seeing/being taught was that you grow up, you get married, and then you have a bunch of kids. I’m also one of 6 kids, so I grew up with a large family. I didn’t really see any other way of living.

Then I got older and realized that not having kids is actually a thing. And it’s actually a thing that is very appealing to me, in its own way. If I didn’t have kids, I know that I would be able to have a happy, feeling, adventerous life with my SO. We would be able to travel freely, we wouldn’t be tied down by anyone but each other, we could decide for ourselves exactly how we want our lives to look like. It was actually when I started dating my SO that I realized I COULD be happy and content and fulfilled without children, because I love our life together so much. So if we never have children, I am sure we will still have a wonderful life together.

But… Honestly, I DO want children. As much as I would be happy without them, if the choice is left up to me, I would choose to have children. They would be fulfilling in a different way, and they’d be an adventure in their own right. It’s scary to imagine our lives changing so completely, but also exciting. I want to raise bright, giving, thoughtful, kind citizens of the world. It will be challenging, but it will also be rewarding. I see babies smile and laugh and hug their mommy, and there’s this strong urge within me to have my own little baby that can smile and laugh and hug ME. I still my beautiful nieces getting older, and I see them with my brother and SIL, and they’re a close family unit, and I think to myself, “I want that.”

I can think of a lot of reasons for why I want children, but honestly, I can also list a lot of reasons for why I WOULDN’T want children. What really pushes me to want children is that urge in me, that instinctive desire to have them. If I were a person who didn’t have that urge (and I have a couple friends who are CFBC who say they just never had an urge to have children), I probably wouldn’t have them unless my SO really, really wanted them.

Post # 55
Member
1099 posts
Bumble bee

If I’m being 100% honest, when I was married, I wanted kids because I was miserable with my (now ex) husband and wanted something to give my life meaning.  I was unfulfilled in my life with him and kids seemed like something that would fix that.  I didn’t know that was my reason at the time, but looking back, it’s the absolute truth.  And obviously, I know that is an absolutely TERRIBLE reason to have kids and I’m thankful we never procreated together and chose to go our separate ways.  

Now I’m with my fiance and he has two older children and I am perfectly content with our situation.  I love having family time with his kids, but I also love that they are older and on their own and we have a very fun and exciting life together with just the two of us.  I feel like I have the best of both worlds.  

I do hate the pissing match about whose life is more fulfilling.  I have plenty of friends who have kids and will openly admit that they regret having them and my parents have friends who chose to not have kids and in their older age openly regret that as well.  And the same goes the other way, friends who have kids and are the happiest they’ve ever been and people who have no kids who are living their life to the fullest and can’t imagine life any differently.  You can be happy with either choice and you can be equally as miserable with either choice.  It’s not black and white.

Post # 56
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I’ve always wanted kids, I think more so because my real parents passed away when I was young and I wanted to experience a ‘whole’ family. I want to be a mom, and watch my kids grow up, and love and care for them, like I didn’t experience in my earlier years. 

I want them even more now that my siblings have kids. I adore my niece and nephew as though they are my own, it’s like my heart grew in leaps and bounds the day I met them, I didn’t know I could possibly love anyone that much. I can’t wait to experience that with my own child. 

Post # 57
Member
669 posts
Busy bee

j_jaye :  I’m honestly sorry if it came across as me shitting on the CFBC lifestyle. That was 100% not my intention. I see nothing wrong with the CFBC lifestyle for those that want it. I didn’t realize it came across as rude… CFBC people always express how they think people who want kids are insane for wanting to stay up all night with a crying baby and giving up all their free time etc etc. I didn’t realize it’s wrong for me to say I dont want a lifestyle with endless free time which is how I would feel like my life would be like if I don’t have kids. Anyways, I digress. This thread is too much for my cold ridden brain to handle and I don’t wanna make things worse as that’s not my intention in the least! Live and let live is something I stand by so I didn’t mean to seem like I’m against that or anything. 

Post # 58
Member
669 posts
Busy bee

oceangirl40 :  I literally said that their are multiple paths in life and not one path will work for everyone! You like being in your 40’s just you and your husband. That is wonderful! I NEVER said CFBC sit around wanting kids. I said that I know y’all find something to fulfill your life with! In your case, it’s traveling and hobbies and that fulfilling to you. I acknowledged all of this in my previous posts. I didn’t mean for my comment about idk what CFBC people do to come across as literal as everyone has taken it but I can see how that came across as wrong and I apologize for that. I just meant that I don’t know what I will do with my time if I don’t have kids as even though I enjoy traveling, horse riding, fostering, reading, cooking, etc and I love sharing these adventures with my husband, I do want kids included in all this eventually. I honestly don’t picture it still being my husband and I only in our 40’s. CFBC couples do see it as just the two of them in their 40’s still enjoying life! And that’s truly a good thing! I’m not judging in the slightest! 

But you have no right to judge me and my husband’s relationship and call it sad just on the fact that we want kids. We love each other to death. But neither of us will be as happy without kids in the long run. That’s the case for many relationships! We love traveling together, doing our own hobbies, etc. But I don’t want to do these things just the two of us forever. It would be too monotonous for us personally. I want to add kids and continue traveling with them and introduce them to our hobbies. 

 

Anyways, I once again apologise if I came across as rude or judgy! I swear that was not my intention and maybe I’m terrible at stating my opinion on this topic! I probably could’ve stayed my opinion without dragging the CFBC lifestyle into the mix. I just typed up whatever was going on in my head and my first thought was comparing it to the CFBC lifestyle which was probably not the best line of thinking! 

Post # 59
Member
669 posts
Busy bee

sarfin914 :  I get what you’re saying now. You’re right, I could have stated my opinion without mentioning CFBC lifestyle. I do apologise for that! And will keep that in mind for future discussions on such topics on the bee and in real life. 

Post # 60
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

cypresstree85 :  So I was typing a long response to this, and suddenly my page refreshed (wahh!). First off, I understand completely where you are coming from. I also had a lot of expectations placed on me, and was guilted into thinking I was disappointing my parents for not wanting the things they wanted me to want (that’s a lot of wants! lol). It look a long time for me to get beyond that. I was always expected to get married young and have lots of babies. Which, I really did want growing up, and was a bit heartbroken when I didn’t find someone I wanted to marry in my 20’s. Honestly though, I think not getting married young and having my way really ended up being a blessing. I ended up finding far more fulfillment in my career and single life than I ever expected, and while it will be an absolute blessing if my husband and I have children, I know that it will be okay if we don’t. I don’t rely on that vision for my happiness anymore, and I find great value in that. 

That being said, my desire to have children was never based in me wanting a “mini me”. I love children. I love working with them. I previously taught preschool and Sunday school, and I love everything about caring for them and meeting their needs. I love listening to their stories and little perspectives, and I enjoy nurturing them in any way I can. I had a sweet dog that passed away earlier this year, that was with me since I was a teenager. When I didn’t have children, I channeled all my mommy skills and love into her. I don’t think I’ll ever be without a pet (especially if I don’t have children) just because I have that strong desire to care for someone else. That was my goal. To care for and nurture another human being, and to help them become who they are meant to be. I’ve also had a very strong desire to adopt for that same reason, to give a home to a child that is in need. I’m still a newlywed and we aren’t quite ready for children yet, but perhaps that is something that will be on the table at some point. But anyway.. that was my motivation. ๐Ÿ™‚

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